Fair is fair mate Equal maintenance, equal access

New Family - Advancing Family Rights in Israel www.newfamily.org.il Our Mission: To secure the right of every individual to establish a family and to provide each individual within the family with economic, social and human rights. Our Tools: 1. Legislation - actively working for individual and family rights in the Knesset (parliament). 2. Legal Counselling and Aid - Over 10,000 individuals and couples have been served by the New Family Legal Advice Center and Hotline since opening in 1999. 3. Information and Public Awareness - Publications Our Objectives: 1. Recognition of the fundamental right of individuals to establish a family in Israel. 2. Defense of individual human rights within the family. 3. Passage of a basic law recognizing all types of family units. 4. Achievement of equal rights for all members within the family regardless of gender, religion, race, age, or nationality. 5. Recognition of the family as an independent economic entity. 6. Increasing public awareness to family rights. 7. Prevention of domestic violence.

I can't believe that this law is in place; and further, I can't believe that any man would willingly get married while it is in effect.

In this country we had a legal system that automatically granted custody to the mother...until people began to realize that women can sometimes be horrendous parents. And, anyway, why are Israelis still being burdened with inequitable medieval religious laws concerning marriage and divorce?

What are you talking about, Gil? Are you making this whole thing up? Hey, I like the idea of the father sharing custody, but my kid's father not only was not interested in helping raise the kids, but did not pay me one shekel in alimony, and to boot, left me when I was unemployed! There are two sides to every situation, I'll grant that, but you sound so bitter and whiney, as if it's mostly men who are carrying the burden. Are you at all aware that women make a lower salary than men on the whole? How many women with high-paying jobs are you talking about, as compared with men, in Israel? I think you have to get your facts straight, first, and stop making generalizations. Personally, I think you just had a very bad experience and I feel sorry for you.

Divorced mom wrote that her "kid's father not only was not interested in helping raise the kids, but did not pay me one shekel in alimony, and to boot, left me when I was unemployed!" Personally, I think Divorced mom just had a very bad experience and I feel sorry for her. But most dads did not ask for divorce, they didn't ask to be separated from their kids, and they certainly didn't ask to pay for this insult.

Yup, you're right there, Don. I did have a very bad experience. Come to think of it. so did a whole lot of other women I know. I also know of men who were screwed over by their ex-wives, of course, but the fact remains that it is mostly men who break up the home, not women, and usually do not stay full-times dads. The percentage of fathers who want custody is still low as compared to those who want out of the marriage, start out as "fun-dads" (ie: taking the kids out to the movies, parks, etc.) but unfortunately Don, this usually ends when Dad finds himself a new love interest, and the kids are reduced to the obligatory visits of once or twice a week, and every other weekend. I am glad to hear that despite this, there are good fathers who actually do want to raise their kids, and not shirk their resposibility as most men still do. They should definitely been given the chance to have custody, yes I am all for it. Sorry Don, but the fact is that most men do not share the resposibilites, yet have a lot to complain about when it comes to paying child support. Personally, the burden is far more than just the financial cost, it is also a heavy emotional burden, and I would have been so grateful if my ex had wanted to help more, but he did not. Of course, I think that if the woman is the one that initiates divorce, she should definitely share the costs of raising the children. However, each should pay according to his/her income. Now, if you can prove to me that more than a handful of women here in Israel, and elsewhere in the world, do actually earn salaries equal to or more than men, I would be interested to hear. As it stands, the fact remains that men earn a higher salary in most cases. As with most laws in Israel, someone always gets screwed over. In this case, the good fathers. In other cases, the good mothers. So unfair, I agree.

And the reality is that every mother or father is capable of being a good parent or a bad parent. There's no 'natural order of things' which says the mother is always a better option. As a child of parents who divorced when I was so young I don't even remember them together, I can count myself as one of the lucky ones whose parents shared me equally, and moreso they remain dear friends even today. But when they first split up, it was my mom who left my dad, and my dad who said "you can leave me but you're not going to take my daughter away" And still she left, and he took care of me on his own for several months until they moved to the same town and agreed on joint custody. To this day I am closer to my father, and I believe it has something to do with what happened when my parents split up. Reading this article brought tears to my eyes because many of my friends growing up came from divorced families and weren't so lucky as me to have both parents totally involved in their lives. Most had absent fathers, or were only allowed to see them once in a while. Their presence was sorely missed. So I agree 100% that the law should treat the parents equally with regards to custody and support of the children rather than discriminate against fathers.

Many bitter divorced moms believe that it is mostly men who break up the home - but statistics show otherwise. In America, 65 percent of divorces are initiated by the wife. And it's usually not because men are abusive or philanderers. It's because the wife 'just doesn't feel loved anymore' or some other 'irreconcilable difference.' Society has completely failed divorced fathers who want to stay involved with their kids. While courts are eager to ensure he pays child support, the justice system rarely enforces the father's right to father. It is a wonder more men do not drop out of their children's lives. It is wonderful to note that, despite vindictive ex-wives and uncaring judges, most men do remain active as they can be with their children. During divorce proceedings, many men are counseled by their attorneys that 14 percent of their child's life is the most they can hope for. And indeed, most courts will not even enforce that. Divorced dads start out with 'visits' to their children just a few days a month. This is as ordered by the infinite wisdom of the custody court; not a decision arrived after a 'new love interest' appears. Many bitter divorced mothers only want to blame the man for whatever unhappiness she has or whatever joy the man may find. Such is the nature of acrimony. Most men do not drop out of the lives of their children. Most men pay their child support in full and on time. The blindfold of animosity prevents more from accepting this. The notion that men earn more than women because of discrimination is a myth. Please see http://www.glennsacks.com/is_pay_a.htm for a short rebuttal to this notion. In fact, according to http://money.guardian.co.uk/pay/story/0,13871,1531581,00.html , most British millionaires are women. Most mothers and fathers are fit, loving parents. In most cases, both parents are employed. Yet, when divorce comes around, most of the time Mom gets the kids and Dad gets to pay child support. This income is a great incentive for many women to divorce. And there is a great stigma facing noncustodial mothers. This must change. If 50/50 shared parenting were the norm, divorce rates would go down. More importantly, children would have equal access to both parents. And children need both parents.

There's the first problem. Sticking to Torah means sticking to a better way of life.

The situation as far as custody is concerned is legalized sexual discrimination. Men don't have a chance to get custody. How unfortunately true this article is. We men are put in a most painful situation, a no win position one whereby our children are literally removed from us and as you rightfully say a woman can do anything and the law will support her. What bad examples some women are to our children, what signals and wrong messages do they send when they lie to the law and minipulate it to their advantage? In the long run it is the children who suffer and the law gives a rather out dates answer to a complex situation. In most modern marriages men and woman share the upbringing of their children, this was the case with mine. In divorce we men are 'reduced' to 'cash points '- how offensive and insensitive the law is!!!!! Everyone knows how wrong these laws are and no one has the determination or ability to change this. How pathetic the law is........

in continuation of my previous comments, one of the most ironic aspects of custodial laws is the alledged 'understanding' that the courts primary interest is 'what is best for the children' ! how rediculos ! how pathetic again ! and most importantly how false. A woman can do whatever she likes with the children, true that in 'theory' education and health is a joint decision but try carrying that out, a woman will have the children educated wherever she likes and most men will probably avoid legal proceedings and anyway the kids will suffer and the law will undoubtably backfire against him yet again. And what right do courts have in separating children from their fathers? The children are often taken to a different city and most men won't be able to maintain adequate visitations. How pathetic, how incredibly insensitive and inadequate our legal system is?. And this is all done 'in the best interest of the children'! Lets not forget that children too have rights and those are to have a connection and relationship with BOTH their parents. Women with young children should be limited as to the childrens residence - a fair accesible distance to both parents. The more I read about custodial laws and some womens' manipulation of the law the more I am saddened by this issue. Cruel, pathetic, insensitive, inadequate, sexual descrimination, outdated laws, and injustice to the extreme. Unfortunately this article reflects reality with little hope. A good parent is 'a good parent' irrespective of his or her gender. e

follow halacha means you know going into the marriage who will get which child and when. less to fight and manipulate the innocent spouse. Women institute most divorces only because cheating, alcoholic, abandoning and abusive men don't care if they are married or not. They carry on how they feel, they walk and they leave their wives and children to suffer.

Excellent analysis of divorce laws in Israel. I would add one element to the feminist rouse. The RCA Prenuptial Agreement which orthodox rabbis sponser but which destroys marriages and favour the women. That is equally something to investigate.