It’s highly unlikely anyone will convince me of the joys of morning sex. But this fails to deter any of the men who insist I’m attractive as I awake.

It also doesn’t prevent them from waking me with some manner of body-to-body rubbing from behind - an act that may be warmhearted, but is also a bit doglike and not particularly endearing.

'It's nothing personal'

Arguing in favor of morning sex is the male, whose position can be summed up with the following sentence: “Morning sex is something you do just because it’s there. It’s nothing personal.”

And now for the reasons men like morning sex:

1. Morning breath means no one wants to babble.
2. For the same reason as number 1, there’s also no need to kiss with all that touchy feely stuff like regular sex.
3. There’s no responsibility for performance - you started, now you just have to finish.
4. It wakes you up.
5. It’s economical. Usually you shower in the morning, evening, and if you have sex, afterward. Morning sex means one shower act takes care of two.
6. You don’t have to stay in an embrace afterward because you have to hurry to work.
7. It’s exploitation of resources - you take care of the morning erection in a natural way.
8. You start the day calm as a baby.
9. Morning sex works well with morning grumbling: It’s a communication method more tolerable than speaking.
   

Women, on the other hand, are less enthusiastic about it. Our position goes something like this: “Morning sex happens because when it begins I’m still asleep, and it continues because it’s unpleasant to disappoint this horny thing beside me.” (As an aside, an infinite number of people sleep together only because one person didn’t want to disappoint the other.)

Women's comments on morning sex:

1. Morning sex is restrictive: Breath odor leaves the option for one position only - the basic spoon.
2. It’s restrictive: You can’t groan in a sexy manner in the morning, nor can you yawn like a normal human being.
3. It’s unnatural: Things are supposed to leave the body in the morning, not enter it.
4. It’s confusing: The morning cigarette gets mixed up with the after-sex cigarette.
5. It’s confusing: It’s not proper to shower before the morning coffee - it’s not proper to do anything before the morning coffee.
6. It’s efficient: I wake up too energetic, so it’s already unpleasant for me not to do things (Must I spell out my sarcasm here or are you all from that awful species of human being known as a morning person?).
7. I’m less flexible in the morning.
8. It’s too bright - daylight isn’t as flattering as candlelight, and certainly not as flattering as complete darkness.
   

Just as psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg, who developed a theory for the stages of our moral development, (and here is where my knowledge on this particular subject ends, by the way), says - it doesn’t matter what you do, but rather why. Kohlberg mainly dealt with analyzing our motives after making a decision we’re not so sure of.

I contend that miserliness is the main drive for men to demand this non-esthetic nonsense: It’s a pity for them to waste the morning erection.