Humility to be proud of

Yael Ayalon doesn't understand what is so ghastly about wearing your heart on your sleeve
Yael Ayalon

I just finished Pride and Prejudice for maybe the 37th time and every time I read that book I can’t help but think how relevant it is even in today’s world of courtship and love.

It’s true that courting back then was much simpler and far less intricate than it is today. You would see a man you fancied, giggled and blushed every time you saw him, pray he would fancy you, then beg your father to accept his proposal. Today, things work a little differently. You see a man you like, you act like a bitch so he has no clue you like him. You make him jump through hoops for about a week, then agree to go out for a coffee with him (no giggling or blushing) and pray that your father never finds out you are dating this guy – for those of us who still actually care what out fathers think.

The similarities, though, lie elsewhere. As easy as it seemed “back in those days”, and all joking aside, pride then was as much a factor and wrecker of relationships as it is today. We tend to shield ourselves from vulnerability because we are afraid to appear weak to the opposite sex.

Most of us, men and women alike, build an impenetrable wall around us and in order to let someone in, they must “prove” themselves worthy. This is done by swimming the moat, climbing over the wall (or breaking through it, depending on how proud you are), facing the big bad dragon and saving the princess. And all this is received by the princess with an air of “I’m strong, independent and I don’t need you. Why are you here?”

Elizabeth Bennet, the heroine of Pride and Prejudice, could easily be found in most women today. She has an incredible thirst for true love, wants a man who will keep her safe and knows that she loves Mr Darcy but will never admit to it, all because of her pride. But let’s not pin all of this on women only. Men are just as guilty of being too proud.

I don’t understand what is so ghastly about wearing your heart on your sleeve. Whether it’s what you think you know about someone, what others will think if you are with them or just your pure and simple pride that is keeping you from telling someone how you truly feel or giving that person a chance (or a second chance), you are the one losing out in the end.

There is a popular scene, mainly found in chick flicks, that has always puzzled me. I am sure you are familiar with it. The one where the couple fights, she storms out in a fit of anger, disappointment and heartbreak over what to us, the viewer, was an honest misunderstanding, and he just stands there, letting her walk out, without as much as word to stop her. She slams the door, pauses for a second. He, on the other side, walks towards the door, reaching for the handle, pauses and lets go. She, not wanting to seem weak or as though she is second-guessing herself, quickly turns and runs away. And as expected, 45 grueling and usually boring minutes later, they realize they have both been fools and find each other once again.

Real life hardly ever offers such a scripted and well timed happy ending but the pride part, however, is found everywhere – and is probably just as dramatic. If only, we had the real strength and courage to say how we feel and act upon those feelings as opposed to shrouding ourselves in a cloak of pride, happy endings might not only appear in movies and books.

Yael Ayalon. Originally from Montreal, Canada has been living in Israel for three years. She works in high-tech as an Account and Marketing Manager. She lives in Petah Tikva with her best friend, Hila and her cat, Charly.