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Photo: Amir Cohen
Illustration
Photo: Amir Cohen

'I can't cry any more'

Captain Koby Yitzhak had to collect his soldiers' organs with his bare hands, after horrible incident in Philadelphi route. When same troops were attacked near Gaza Sunday, horrific memories came flooding back

It was early morning when the telephone rang. From the other side came the voice of the commander of the Steel Knights IDF unit, the man who replaced him when he took his leave of absence. The report was short: "There's an incident in the field, there are casualties in Sufa. A soldier was kidnapped and he’s probably alive."

 

Captain Koby Yitzhak listened. He couldn't speak. When he hung up the phone he felt his heart beating in his chest. Suddenly, he was back there, that horrible day when he lost three of his soldiers along the Philadelphi route, the day when he had to crawl on the sand, trying to find lost organs from their bodies.

 

The burden of memories

 

He recalled the impossible grief of the bereaved families, who in the years since the deaths of their sons, became a huge part of his life. Even when he tried to run away from the memories, he was pursued by the relentless feeling of a horrible disaster about to happen.

 

"The first thing I did was call the army and ask if they needed me," he said. "I'm on non-paid vacation until August, but I thought that I should be there. I wanted to be part of my unit, to be there for my soldiers. Then I called few of them, asked them if they were okay. We've been through a lot together, in and out of Gaza, so many wounded, so many deaths."

 

It was supposed to be a happy day: He was preparing to celebrate with his friends their last days in uniform, but instead the soldiers had to take part in the operation. Yitzhak was not disappointed, he was used to it. Instead he called actor Shlomo Vishinsky, Lior’s father. Lior was one of his soldiers that did not make it out alive.

 

Yitzhak and Vishinsky have been in touch since the horrible day when Lior died. Like Yitzhak, he cannot find respite from the horrific visions.

 

'I had to be powerful' 

 

"I was on another mission when I got the call," Yitzhak recalls. "They told me that something bad happened. I took the jeep and rushed to the route. I was the first one at the scene. First, all I noticed were shards of the armored personnel carrier, and then I saw the organs on the ground. I was supposed to feel horrible, but instead I felt that a mass of something was blocking my feelings. I couldn't think. I wasted no time and started to collect my soldier's organs, one by one. I did it with my bare hands, with no gloves. I was in a different world."

 

He continued blocking the emotions even later, when he went to update the troops. "I had to give them the feeling that everything was okay. I had to be powerful and authoritative, I couldn't break down. I wish I could, I wish. I am still waiting for this moment of breaking but it's not coming. I'm not crying, I can't cry no more."

 


פרסום ראשון: 06.26.06, 20:04
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