Religious men are chauvinists
Women’s justified complaints against religious establishment seen by many religious men as provocation against tradition
Are religious men first of all sexist, or first of all religious? That’s a question that should not preoccupy anyone. Every person has a number of identities at the same time. Nevertheless, it’s a bothersome question because of recent clashes over the appointment of rabbinical court judges, especially given the attitude frequently exhibited by rabbinical courts toward the problems of women who are refused a divorce.
Let us not get into the details of any particular divorce case, dispute, or injustice, which are so common here. It is actually interesting to examine the automatic response of religious men when they hear complaints from women who are refused a Jewish divorce, or from Kolech, the religious women’s forum, and other religious women’s groups.
When many religious men — too many— hear complaints about the rabbinical or religious establishment, they think to themselves, “Oh, those feminists are at it again.” Others say that “it’s all part of the smear campaign by anti-religious elements against the rabbis and the religious public…”
Bias against women
When a family quarrel reaches the rabbinical court and becomes public knowledge, too many religious and nationalist haredi men interpret the claims of women refused a Jewish divorce, and even women who have been attacked physically, as a provocation against the religious establishment and the Torah.That is how the tormented woman finds herself coping not just with her personal sorrow, but with an entire world that presents itself as the world of Torah, tradition, and old customs.
The religious court judges, the Torah, tradition, and the people of Israel through the generations stand behind the man, guilty or not, violent or innocent. The woman, on the other hand, is at most a social welfare case whose personal problem must somehow be solved, very slowly, of course, because “we don’t know what exactly happened there.”
Fear of liberalism
It’s a great disgrace that many religious men stick to the rabbis’ “party line” without thinking at all. They favor the judges’ honor over the woman’s rights. They give respect to the rabbi, great respect, even when it involves a desecration of God’s name. The claims by women’s organizations and their going to the media are always viewed as an attempt to undermine tradition in favor of the liberalism that will destroy the religious home.Being responsive to the women refused a Jewish divorce and forcing the divorce are seen as part of an anti-religious attack. “Not to mention the fact that it will put all kinds of ideas into their heads,” thinks the sexist-conservative religious man. “Today they’re already studying Torah freely, they are already rabbinic court advocates and members of religious councils. Where is this liable to lead to?”
When a religious organization established a hotline about family purity matters that was to be staffed by women, it was done almost in secret. Rabbis are prepared here and there to look the other way or to secretly encourage changes that favor women, but if things are done publicly they will of course remain silent. Changes made publicly in the status of women (and rabbinical court judges who were not appointed because of their connections) are liable to anger God and Rabbi Elyashiv and his representatives in Israel.
Men not exclusively in charge of Torah
Rabbis from Tzohar, an organization that attempts to bridge the religious-secular gap, are more receptive to women’s problems, and they get more than hostile looks from conservative circles and are suspected of being Reform. Those who fear societal changes and changes in rulings always cloak themselves in the mantle of Jewish law and in comments on the style of the protest, but in fact, it is simply a matter of being set in their ways, and a fear of losing control.When a child argues with his father, at a certain point the father says, “I’m your father. I make the rules, and don’t speak to me that way!” It may be true with children that we are responsible for their welfare. But transferring parental authority to women is ridiculous.
When a religious feminist woman raises her voice, men tend to say that this is immodest, as if Jewish law is an issue for men, and not women’s business. As if men are exclusively in charge of the Torah, and the integrity of the family, and preventing the “fence” of Jewish law from being breached. “Speak softly!” men tell women.
Because religious men are mostly sexist first of all, and religious second.
