All I was asking for was an opportunity for a first date?
צילום: ויז'ואל/פוטוס
All I was asking for was an opportunity for a first date
A few years ago, when I was younger, more optimistic, and possibly less wise, I was looking for the perfect man. Someone who was intelligent and smart, witty and sophisticated, with hair on his head and not in other places. Today I can only laugh with bitterness and sadness at my situation. Today I am no longer greedy. Give me just one real date
Once, the laws were clear: A guy would approach a girl, the girl would answer, they would talk a bit on the phone to make sure that conversation flowed and that the other person was okay, and then they would plan to go out on a date. What could be simpler than that?
There are countless articles concerning the wonders of the blind date or, more correctly, the troubles of the blind date, which discuss the preparation for the blind date, what you should or should not say on the date, the dos and don’ts, etc. Obviously many also speak about the conduct after the first date, who calls whom, when to answer, should you screen calls, what to say, when to meet again, should you play games, and so on.
You can also write entire articles about relationships that are nipped in the bud. Couples that go out a few times, the relationship seems to be progressing, and suddenly the guy disappears, he does not answer his phone, does not respond to emails, it is as if the earth has swallowed him up.
A few years ago, when I was younger, more optimistic, perhaps less wise, I was searching for the perfect man. Someone who was intelligent and smart, witty and sophisticated, and obviously possessed a sense of humor. I also wanted him to be good looking, at least to me, to be tall, resourceful, knowledgeable (in short a manly man) with hair on his head and not in other places. I knew I was looking for a real and serious connection, I wanted a normal relationship, the way regular people conduct themselves with a strong desire to have a committed relationship. It seemed natural to me.
However today I can only laugh with bitterness and sadness at my situationd. Today I am not greedy. My purpose today is to just get to the first date! I am not talking about additional dates, God forbid to even mention a long-term relationship. It might sound funny, but in the past year I have not even been able to get to the first date. It appears that today to go on a date with someone for the first time is not a trivial matter.
In the beginning I thought that I was the problem, why should I immediately accuse others? After all I am a woman who is aware of herself and her surroundings. But no, it is not me. It is them! This page is too short to include all the times when I have left a phone number, or had a pleasant conversation, but in actuality there was no date.
I am not talking about the insignificant cases where a guy sends me a message on a dating site, writes that he would be happy to meet me, I leave him my number- and do not hear anything else from him. True, he sent that same message to another 50 girls, and I did not manage to answer first, perhaps because I try to have a life between all these fruitless searches. Therefore I missed out on the great find.
There are times when I am online with a guy and he suggests that we talk on the phone. I leave my number with the full belief that he will use it, because we had just chatted and it was pleasant, but at that moment I lose all trace of him.
He even wrote without spelling mistakes, an accomplishment that should not be belittled
The ultimate highlight occurred recently: A guy approached me on Messenger of one of the sites, we chatted for around 45 minutes, and conversation really flowed. His profile seemed appropriate (true, I have given up most of my criteria, so why would it not be appropriate?), he even wrote without spelling mistakes, an achievement that should not be belittled, therefore I suggested that we talk on the phone.
To his credit I can say that he did not ask for my number and disappear. He simply did not understand why I was asking for his phone number, because he did not even know me. He suggested, and I quote “we should chat for a few more weeks on Messenger and get to know each other”.
I explained to him that I was looking for a real relationship and not a virtual boyfriend. What is the point of “chatting” for a long time and then going on a date and discovering that it is not going to work? Where is the logic?
He began an informative monologue, which in the end clarified to me that he was giving me an important life lesson: thus, men are hunters (I have actually heard this). Men want to chase after their prey, to take a chance, to make an effort and be courageous. And I, he said, was presenting myself on a silver platter and not arousing interest, since I was so easy to obtain.
My jaw dropped to the floor for a long time after this conversation. I was stunned, and it was too late at night to call anyone and tell them about this hallucinatory experience.
I did not even mention the word “commitment”
What did I want? To go to the next stage in our acquaintance? I was not talking about a wedding, I did not suggest we move in together, I did not even ask to meet his parents, I did not even mention the word “commitment”. I wanted to speak to that guy on the phone in order to get to know him better, but that made me into easy prey, and apparently no longer interesting.
I do not know what to think anymore, I do not know what to do. My behavior seemed reasonable to me, or at least I thought so. I do not know how a first date with a guy has become such a mission impossible. If in the past I deliberated over problems (which at the time seemed difficult) such as “should I go out with a guy who does not seem right”, “should I go out on another date”, “should I give it another chance”, and so on, today these problems are not even relevant in a situation where I can not even get one date.
Should I stop giving my number to a guy who sounds interesting? Have the norms in the frustrating and despondent world of blind dates changed, and no one has bothered to update me?
