'Do you know anyone for me?'
You introduced your friend to a guy, and now she is not speaking to you. Or the opposite occurred: she suggested you go out with an 'amazing' guy, who turned out to be a nightmare. It appears that to be a matchmaker, you have to know what you are doing. Here are some basic guidelines for the beginning matchmaker
Rule no. 1: Do not set her up with someone you would not go out with yourself
How many times have you tried to set up your friend, and her reaction was: if he is so great, why don’t you go out with him? If your answer is “he’s not my type”- forget about it. If you did not want him, why would your friend want him? You are not the only one here with high standards, missy.
The exception: This is only true if your friend is not attracted to a specific type of guy, completely different from what you are attracted to. If you melt at the sight of a pale computer nerd, and she goes for motorcyclists, there is no reason to set her up with someone that you like. In this case, you can (in fact you should) ignore your own taste.
Rule no. 2: Do not set her up with someone you never met
If you heard about a guy from your friend, who heard about him from the sister of the brother-in-law of a lame cousin, and you never even laid eyes on him, do not set her up with him. All the good intentions in the world will not help you, if the date is a disaster.
The exception: You can set her up with someone you never met if his name is Denzel Washington or Lior Ashkenazi. Even though you never met them, you cannot say that you do not know them (from your daydreams). You can get an additional dispensation, if before you give her the number, you make it clear to your friend that you are only there in the capacity of the Israeli postal service, and you have no responsibility for the contents of the package.
Rule no. 3: Sex partners? They are out of the picture
Setting up your friend with a guy with whom who you have a sexual past, is inviting trouble. Even if you are sure that you have no feelings for him, you may feel, to your great surprise, jealousy and possessiveness when you see him in your friend’s arms, and by then it will be too late.
The exception: If a long cooling-off period has gone by, and you feel that the connection between the two of you was only based on sex, without any unsolved feelings, set him free. What was good for you can be very good for your friend.
Rule no. 4: Do not set her up with your cast offs
If you went out on a date or two with someone and then dumped him, he’s not meant for your friend. First of all, she is not a garbage can. And besides that, chances are that it won’t work for them either.
The exception: If you gave her a fair and accurate description of the guy as you perceive him, and you warned her that you do not think he is a catch, and she is still interested- then it is her responsibility, not yours.
Rule no. 5: Do not set up family members
You have a single brother, who is amazing and wonderful, and you think that he and your friend would hit it off. It is better to leave it to fate, or at least pretend to. You can arrange that they “accidentally” meet, but do not obviously set them up, because there is a potential for double damage. If she likes him but he is not interested - or the opposite- you will be caught in the middle.
The exception: If you are dealing with two people who have always been interested in each other but neither of them had the courage to make the first step, you can help them.
Rule no. 6: No mythological exes
Your mythological ex will always have a warm spot in your heart, no matter how old you are, or how many guys you have been with since. If you introduce him to your friend, you may burst the bubble that you have spent so many years protecting. Even if you have been disillusioned for a long time.
The exception: If you cannot stand your ex, and you have fought with your best friend, this can be the best way to take revenge on both of them.
Rule no. 7: Tell the truth
You may be a matchmaker, but we are not in the shtetl and your name is not Yentel. Therefore, release yourself from the ancient Polish tradition, according to which all singles are amazing, and just by chance they have not yet found their match. It is always best to tell the truth and to hone in on two or three good qualities. Do not upset her with someone who in reality turns out to be a lot less exciting.
The exception: If your friend is one of those singles who is dying to get married no matter what, you can tone down some of the details. For her, the fact that you tried to set her up, is a sign of a true friend.
Rule no. 8: Do not call to ask how it went
Even though you are curious, try to hold back. Give your friend a chance to call you with the details. If she does not get back to you, maybe she is spending a romantic night with the guy you set her up with (or she is sitting at home in shock, wondering how you could set her up with such a repulsive guy). The second you call to get details, you become responsible for the connection and all the resulting commotion.
The exception: If your friend has not spoken to you in three days. Then it is allowed.
Rule no. 9: What to do when it fails
If you bravely abided by all the rules and introduced your friend to a nice guy, but for some reason it did not work, the immediate action of repair is to invite her for dinner and to laugh about it. A nice date between the two of you will restore all the emotions on the right path.
The exception: If your friend is mad at you, even if it is not your fault, do not take pains to appease her. You did something with good intentions, and she interpreted it negatively. Find another friend, and this time, a real friend.
