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| Syria to press: 'We want to work on our golf swing' Photo: AFP
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| | | | | | | |  | Syria said it looked forward to having time to travel, write a book, and drive its kids to soccer practice. " | | | | | | | | | | |
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Syria wants more time with family
Explains move to leave Lebanon as 'wanting to get out on top'
By Andy Borowitz
Speaking to reporters in Damascus today, the nation of Syria announced that it would leave Lebanon immediately, explaining that it wanted to spend more time with its family.
Choking back tears in a 45-minute press conference that was suffused with emotion, Syria reflected on its decision to leave Lebanon.
“As someone who’s occupied Lebanon for 30 years, I don’t regret a minute of it,” said Syria, flanked by family members and supporters. “I can look back and honestly say, I’ve had a darn good run.”
Working on golf swing
Explaining that it “didn’t want to stay too long at the dance,” Syria added, “I’ve always wanted to go out on top, and that’s what this decision is all about.”
Calling its pullout from Lebanon “not an ending, but a beginning,” Syria said it looked forward to having time to travel, write a book, and drive its kids to soccer practice.
“My family is going to be seeing so much of me, they’re going to wish I was still occupying Lebanon!” Syria joked.
In response to reporters’ questions, Syria denied that its decision to leave Lebanon had anything to do with mounting pressure from over 300 nations including the U.S., France, Britain, Saudi Arabia and, as of late last night, Liechtenstein and Andorra.
“This decision is not about Syria bowing to pressure,” Syria said. “This is all about Syria wanting to work on Syria’s golf swing.”
Reprinted courtesy of Borowitz Report.
Andy Borowitz is a former TV sitcom writer who now writes a daily syndicated humor column. He is author of "The Big Book of Shockers," and appears regularly on CNN
| First Published: | 03.08.05, 16:18 |
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