Singles
Find a bride for Josh – get $1,000
Shiri Lerner
Published: 01.09.07, 17:23
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1. Dear Josh
M. Hartley ,   Atlanta, US   (09.01.07)
If you're willing to wait three years, I have this gorgeous, very intelligent and musically talented granddaughter who will graduate from GA with a degree in Marketing. She is a non-smoker, and if she drinks, it's on the sly. So far, she's only had one speeding ticket and, not engaging the brakes, has allowed a three-week old car to roll down a hill and crash into a tree only once. As for sense of humor, she not only laughs at all my lousy jokes, but she laughs at me and at most everybody else, when they're not looking. Give her the opportunity and that 'phone, and she can organize a party of 50 in half an hour. She has no tattoos. If her having to be Jewish is one of your prerequisites, I have the documentation to blackmail her into a speedy conversion to any form of Judaism. As for your finder's fee, you not only may keep it, but I will pay you triple the amount and add you as beneficiary to my life insurance, if you only take this young lady out of circulation, when she reaches the age you stated. Her parents, too, may generously contribute to the cause. Her minimum requirements are very basic: A new little hotrod and computer every three years, any gadget starting with i, and a platinum Amex card in her own name, so she can take you out to eat two times per day. She will expect high praise for her selection of restaurants. Oh, that iPhone has to be unlimited with regard to text messages. The eating out clause can be amended by hiring a full-time housekeeper. This should take care of the fact. too, that she doesn't know the difference between a broom and a vaccum or a washing machine and a dishwasher. Your shirts would not survive many of her launderings. She is, however, well-traveled. She's been to Europe several times, once to India and one time, to teach her a little bit of humility, she was forced to spend most of a summer vacation helping to build an orphanage in Haiti. Unfortunately, the humility didn't last too long. As for future children, all I know is that she played well with her dolls. Please, try to contain your excitement at this prospect and do we have a deal?
2. Try Ramallah/Bethlehem, there are lots of sweet Arabic girls
(09.01.07)
there who are too intelligent for arrogant muslim men who want only stupid wives. Might not pass the "mother test" however.
3. find a bride for Josh
Bear ,   zefat   (09.01.07)
You mentioned looking for a bride in bars, etc. Maybe that's why you're unsuccsessful. I assume you're Jewish. Did it ever occur to you to look in a synagogue??? Do you really want your future wife and mother of your children to be a "bar hopper"?
4. adjust the strategy a bit to meet your beshert --
Gavriel ,   Jerusalem, Israel   (09.01.07)
Becoming a news celebrity and trusting money isn't the best way to meet a good woman. ~~~ However, since the newsworthy press report somehow got published that you're offering $1000 for an introduction to the woman that will marry you, you might as well make the best of the situation: #1) Offer equal $1000 to Tzedaka of the matchmaker's choice. #2) Offer equal $1000 to Tzedaka of the bride's choice. ~~~ A marketing strategy depends on public knowledge. A personal strategy depends on integrity. +++ This article is an example of the fact that when a person is ready to marry, there isn't anything they're able to do about it. ~~~ B'Hatzlacha Yehoshua v'Kol h'Mishpacha - Tikatev v'Techatem kol Yisrael b'Sefer Chaim
5. "plan to date...as many as I need"
Israel   (09.01.07)
Are anyone else's alarms going off? #3 pointed out an excellent clue to the disconnect: the barhopping in search of the so-called well-educated future mother. This is either another one of YNET's social experiments, or G_d help any woman who takes this guy seriously.
6. What a looser idea.
Josh   (09.02.07)
That's it. $1000 dollars!? They have Russian Mail Order Brides for you chum. That or you can go to a third-world country -it will be cheaper there. What kind of woman wants to grow old with someone who only paid $1000 to win her over. Ever see the movie Duce Bigalow. You remind me of the bathroom attendant father. Talk about making a woman feel like a hooker. No wonder your single.
7. #3 Hey!
Josh   (09.02.07)
Just because a woman goes to a bar does not meant she is a bar hopper. There are people who are employed at bars and attend bars that are.... well maybe your right on some issues. Who wants a girl who does not set standards or is so insecure that she bends to whims of the "in crowd"? That is a sure bet for an insecure wife who will likely end in divorce. Regardless - the synagogue is not always a good place for finding a girl either. If your dati, you have to kiss some serious rabbi *** to get him to fix you up with quality. Otherwise its the one with a "great personality." I have had the rabbis stand in the way of a what could have been a dynamite marriage. You may also get some know it all girl who really knows nothing more than how to argue. ..and what is more hypocritical than saying G-d commanded you to do something when he never did. Seriously doubt anyone read and thought about Torah while contining to go to synagogue. Lets face it there are so many vioatations of Torah being taught in a synagogue. If you want a thinker and not a sheep avoid group mentality girls. Best to look for her walking down the street or at the grocery store. Vacations are also a good place.
8. #7- Josh
tma   (09.02.07)
Are you the same Josh referred to in the article? BTW, could you please elaborate on what you wrote: there are so many vioatations of Torah being taught in a synagogue. I'm seriously interested. Thanks.
9. #8 - I already gave one
Josh   (09.02.07)
No I am not the same as in the article. It would't make sense to present and idea and then call it foolish. I made a reference to the lighting of Shabbat candles while saying that G-d command us to light candles - He never did. As for violations, you can start with the prohibition to add a word or take away a word of Torah. So a word like "tvshel" boil in english, should not be removed from the context, nor the word "gedi", etc. etc. You can use your common sense to understand that Moses had a job to do and he did - no complex interpretation needed as he spopke to the uneducated slaves from Egypt - not scholars. It is not something deep or magical to see where the descrepancies are. If you have not read the Torah, then me outlining everything for you is a waste - nor can I instill this type of knowlege in a talkback. I cannot get Torah for you - no one need go over the sea, into heavan, etc. to get it for you - it is between you and G-d. (not the rabbis or the church) You need only read and do the Torah (in context) and most importantly love G-d.
10. miss right
TZVIAH ,   ISRAEL   (09.02.07)
So you want somenone settled? Too bad you made a foul of yourself advertising yourself in the newspaper. Maybe you have to grow up a bit before you settle down. Not every sweet cute settled woman wants a clown.
11. An idea for Josh
BeachBum ,   Israel   (09.02.07)
Learn to pickup women anywhere, not just in bars or clubs. The State of Israel is a Jdate with millions of members. Why depend on other people doing the work for you? Shyness? If that's the real reason, then get over it by learning pickup. I have a feeling you're not really trying.
12. Anything but a Jewish Princess
Carlos Murphy ,   Red Hill   (09.02.07)
Josh with all these great points that you posess these women you are looking should be trying to break down your door to get to you. BTW ignore #1 she is trying to get rid of her grand daughter who sounds like a Jewish Princess.
13. Josh
david ,   israel   (09.02.07)
Josh, do i have a woman for you. My X wife she has an academic degree. cute,funny and sexy too call soon!!!
14. Sad
freejay ,   Israel   (09.02.07)
Its sad that you have to advertise in a public paper to find a wife. Its even sadder that YNet publishes it. What is wong with you? I can see its not your looks so it must be a either a lack of self esteem? Depression? Mental problems? Penile disfunction? Something is definately wrong for you to be that desperate, that you have to advertise. I learnt in life you cant buy love, and you will not find the right one this way. Good luck with the gold diggers and japs that im sure you will get offers from.. Thats all you deserve doing this.
15. Josh
Tracey   (09.02.07)
I dont believe love is like a business transaction. I am saddedned that a Jewish man would see it this way. I dont think even a chatis would
16. Josh
Tracey   (09.02.07)
If you dont have the time 'to go looking for Cinderella' then maybe you wont have 'the time'' to be in a relationship that requires work as well.
17. Oh Boy
Amy ,   Israel   (09.02.07)
You say "Someone smarter than me once told me 'if you want something done right, pay..". What exactly was the CONTEXT of that remark? I ask as the only context I can think of may be your little smart friend paying a visit to a prostitute for a sexual favour to have ' something done right'. Its all about context when it comes to smart remarks, I think you got the wrong end of the..er...stick?
18. "She must be real and enjoy having fun."
BeachBum ,   Israel   (09.02.07)
Who doesn't enjoy having fun? This is incomprehensible!!! Girl: I hate having fun. Guy: Yeah, me too. Thank goodness we have something in common!
19. To #12
M. Hartley ,   Atlanta, US   (09.02.07)
I have you know that being called "princess" would raise this girl's eyebrows with indignity. She is the goddess of all there is, and don't anybody forget it. This girl did all right as long as she thought she was just pretty and could sing. When she found out how smart she was, her life turned into, "World, get out of my way! Here I come!" I was, of course, joking with my #1. I wouldn't want any part in turning her loose on some unsuspecting man. He'll have to do that to himself. What's even worse is a younger sister who's already succeeding at outdoing the older one with a vengeance. Considering that their great-grandfather was a German Jew, you may, in theory, have a point with that Jewish Princess thing. Just please, god, don't let them come home, dragging in some Noam Chomsky type, atheist, hippie genius, hell-bent on worldwide anarchy. Their mother almost married a Romanian Jew with those "attributes," and by the time she decided that he was a bit too over the top and settled for "normal," my hair had turned grey. As for Josh, maybe he needs to resort to a chain letter, hehehehe This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost anything! Just send a copy of this letter to five of your male friends who are equally tired and discontent. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, four of whom were worth keeping. This chain also brings good luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate. An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model. You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his wife back again. Keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below. ---------------------- Bill Clinton 780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Billy Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 Billie Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 B. Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 William Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 W. Jefferson Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 W. Jeff Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 W. J. Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 W. Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 William J Clinton 780 3r d Ave. New York, NY 10017 Willem Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 Wilhelm Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY 10017 Billy Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York , NY 10017 Willie Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York , NY 10017 Will Clinton 780 3rd Ave. New York, NY
20. Hey Shadchanim (Matchmakers) are for frum people. (END)
David Neil ,   Jerusalem   (09.02.07)
21. Josh, here is the deal
enzo ,   london,uk   (09.03.07)
I pay YOU $2,000 if you marry my auntie Carmela from Palermo. In the whole of Sicily nobody cooks lasagna like she does. She now uses the latest Gillette (five blades!) for that smoother feeling... Hmmm...!!!
22. My husband has a sister and cousin
(09.03.07)
both are really beautiful and smart, single (no strings)are 31 years old hold bachelor degrees and secular jews.
23. Date Josh
Jodie ,   Tel Aviv   (09.03.07)
Fabulous idea - I'd date you - you are CUTE
24. #21 Enzo, Here's the deal
Israel   (09.03.07)
Here's what Josh would have to say about Carmela: #1. - "Why do girls bother to cook, I always dine out" but then... -"I can't stand that girls always expect to be taken out - can't you cook anything else?" #2. - "Girls waste so much time on shaving - why do you bother" but then... - "I feel a 2 o'clock shadow coming on - what, are you getting lazy?" In short, Israeli men - who are outnumbered more than 2-to-1 by women - who are in Josh's situation either don't know what they want (and so will convince every women in his path she isn't 'good enough'), compulsively attracted to poor matches, or expect that despite overeating, overdrinking, smoking, and having no manners, ethics, or interests, will attract a 'Cindy Crawford' who really does act like porno starlets pretend, who won a Nobel prize, but will give up the work involved in order to make her man feel powerful.
25. M Hartley thanks but no thanks
Carlos Murphy ,   Red Hill Australia   (09.03.07)
I love your sense of humor and generosity.For obivous reasons I will have to decline your suggestions I happen to have a very atlethic you would not want to mess with Irish red haired partner.Good luck with the JAPs. Send them over to Oz,where the men are men(real menshe),and the women are meaner(not barbie dolls). And the men are true blue not hairless body waxed SNAGS.
26. #25
Leah ,   Sydney, Australia   (09.05.07)
Ehem, The men in Australia are menshe? REALLY??!!! The women are meaner? REALLY?!! I live here. I dont know where you live but I can telly you Aussie men are rude, forward, LAZY, they smell and call you 'Love' and 'Sweetheart' even if they dont know you. They ask you to have sex with you even if theyve barely known you 5 seconds. Theyre sexist and they spit openly in public infront of everyone, a really phlemmy spit on the sidewalk or street, whatever takes their fancy. They drink corpious amounts of alchohol and at 3am I almost always hear some drunk idiot screaming down the street ;"Awww, c'mon luuuuuv, gimme anatha chaaaance!!!'. They push infront of women to get onto the bus first. They dont stand up for women on the bus either-even if your elderly, pregnant, carrying heavy bags or your own child! You can walk down the road with 30 bags of groceries and they walk right by, dont help you carry them, pretend not to even see you. You can trip and fall flat on your face on the street and they pretend not to even notice, they dont batt an eyelid. A DOG would look twice...never mind help you up or ASK IF YOURE OKAY. The women are extremely promiscuous from a very young age, they hump anything that moves. They drink as much as the men, swear loudly in public and join in with the men in their phlem spitting antics in public. Now thats a REAL woman, such grace, such dignity, such finness. Real 'mean'. It must be nice living in a fantasy land, maybe Ill come visit you when I need a break from REALITY.
27. GOod for You!
Samia ,   NYC   (09.05.07)
Josh.. after printing this article you won't even need to pay for a matchmaker! Good for you in having some fun in the dating world. The only missing info: HOW WOULD ONE REACH YOU? I bet plenty of ladies will send you notes directly! Best of luck!
28. Josh, if you want a High Quality Bride, you'll have to pay
Helene ,   Israel   (09.06.07)
so much more than a $1,000 ! The amount you mentioned won't buy four nights at a respectable hotel in Tel Aviv, dear. WHAT are you looking for, ah?!!!! BE serious!!!
29. Thanks M. Hartley for making this page worth reading!!!
Helene ,   Israel   (09.06.07)
MAY I ADD MY NAME TO YOUR LIST, PLEASE; - ))) Take that, E!
30. May I add my name to your list too, M. Hartley?
enzo ,   london,uk   (09.06.07)
Take that, H!!!
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