Jewish Scene
Rabbi Metzger: Married women should give up maiden name
Neta Sela
Published: 30.07.08, 08:02
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1. what a crock
bob ,   potomac md   (07.30.08)
I've been married 30 years, and my wife kept her name--as is the case with other successful marriages of friends of ours-- The truth is that the Orthodox establishment is extremely ill at ease with anything that is not middle class.
2. Makes Jewish genealogy much harder
Suzanne   (07.30.08)
more over - your maiden name is part of who you are. Why deny it? In many western countries it's possible also for the man to take over the name of the woman. Handy, as you can choses the nicest surname for your children as well.
3. Keeping name is not necessarily feminism
Beryl ,   Managua, Nicaragua   (07.30.08)
Indeed, feminism lies at the root of the destruction of the family in the 20th and 21st centuries, but in many cultures women have always kept their name (Spain/Latin America), and for hundreds of years divorce was not a problem. The main problem is women through abortion and birth control have become "little gods" who decide who lives and who dies, and as part of this rebellion, they often divorce their husbands too.
4. Shalom Bayit!
Yehuda ,   Ashdod, Israel   (07.30.08)
As it i accepted practice for a woman to 'give up' her maiden name upon marriage, a refusal to do so seems to send a message to her husband that she is unwilling to go 'all the way' in her partnership with him. This tends to promote suspicion that all is not well. If you prefer, you can say that she is giving up nothing. Instead, she 'takes' her husband's name as a show of love and devotion to him. What a nice thought!
5. The Rabbi
Judith Yacov ,   Herzlia, Israel   (07.30.08)
I don't really have too much respect for what this Rabbi has to say about family unity or anything else, in fact. I love the fact that Judaism allows Rabbis to be real people and not saints, but this Rabbi lost my respect for the way he deals with his own weaknesses and his denial.
6. Names
Last names=goyish   (07.30.08)
It does not matter what this matter evolves into about the a womans last name because the fact is: that Jews had to comply with assuming a last name or be punished by their European masters and domi-nation , and not until the muslim rule ended in africa and the Mid-east, Jews were forced to bare family names for the head tax, in order to organize the Goy Kingdoms, fiefdoms and their thrist for riches and blood. Bar ploni or ben ploni are religiously, historically and are consistently Jewish. Anyone thinking otherwise must live with the fact that even to this day, the goyyim have triumphed in the most miniscule ways over our daily lives. How do you still feel being under the subject of the Nations, Rav Metzger? (a germanic/slavic/yiddish root word)? When will the Jewish people break away from the stained plaque of foreign influence and suppression when we can live free?
7. women should be free to choose
Simon ,   TA the free city   (07.30.08)
Why should a woman refer to her husband in hebrew as "Bah-li" (my owner) like saying who is the "bah la-kelev) (dog owner) . It should be a womans right, to choose. Its becoming fashionable for couples when getting married to join their family names together. As usual this notion is being forced upon women by a man. Once again the religious minority are trying to force their life style on the secular population. Stand up for your rights girls!
8. Rabbi Metzger is right!
Reuven Brauner ,   Raanana, Israel   (07.30.08)
Women who retain their maiden names cling to an independence which is no longer valid. Once married, a woman is the wife of but one man only and no longer available to the general population. She becomes his mrs. and must not fool herself or the world into thinking that she is single.
9. names
david ,   jerusalem   (07.30.08)
while we are on the subject, perhaps women who receive a get should give up their married name?
10. Another segregated soul?
Elbaz ,   T-A   (07.30.08)
My wife is a "Sheridon" an Irish name that opens doors and awards her with equal rights in Israel. Why would you inflict my "Elbaz" name on this innocent soul ? Is marriage about condemning her to life of second class citizen? Deprivation from the belonging to the Ashkenazi elite and privileges? Access denied to the academia and research centers? There is no obligation halachically speaking, so why force her to drop to the bottom of the heap?
11. Rabbi Metger
harry freedman ,   sydney australia   (07.30.08)
How this Rabbi retains any credibility in light of the numerous wide ranging complaints about his conduct is beyond me and indeed an insult to the quality of your publication
12. #1
Eitan ,   New York, NY   (07.30.08)
"Middle class"? Please elaborate....
13. Jewish History & Tradition
David ,   Jerusalem   (07.30.08)
Last names are an invention of the last few centuries and flows from the custom of using a title or home town to denote who is being discussed. Jewish history and tradition has no concept prior to its requirement in the ever increasing bureaucratic wests demand for on on official forms. Our tradition uses the traditional ben/bat and should continue to do so. The matriarchs didn't have last names, the wives of the sages had no last names, the wives of the goanim and rishonim had no last names. They were simply known by their given name or "wife of" or "daughter of." Were they women of loose morals? Certainly not! This sort of rubbish is why rabbis no longer get respect. Its shoddy logic and a side-show. We've got bigger problems than women who keep their maiden names out of a petty fit of social constructionist political pique.
14. anti rabbi lunaticts
izzy d   (07.30.08)
blinded by their hatred for anything smacking of religion in this case where a rabbi who has "suggested" that religious woman get rid of their maiden name, at a CONVENTION for WOMAN(!!!) (how could there be more respect for the woman then that? ) this rabbi can expect to be accused of religious "coercion" and "medieval practices"
15. Last Names # 7 :)
Dara ,   Israel   (07.30.08)
The last name of a woman is not the concern of any Religious leader nor the general public. Every couple must do what is best for them and what makes them happy. If other people don't like it, they don't have to adopt the custom for themselves. If a man doesn't want to marry a woman who enjoys a certain sense of independence, then it certainly speaks volumes about that man. A man who feels comfortable with himself and feels a sense of self-worth will not concern himself with issues such as a last name or his wife's independence. FYI, I never refer to my husband as Ba'hal for that exact reason, he is "Eeshee," which I believe is the correct word in the Hebrew language in any case.
16. mr rabbi,deallwith real things in israel ...
REUVEN ,   USA   (07.30.08)
and not this kind of B.S.
17. Our Right to keep personal indentity
Veteren Jewish wife ,   Israel   (07.30.08)
I am surprised at Reuven Brauner, whose lady-wife is very much her "own person", when he comes out in support of the views of that soiled public figure, Metzger. There is nothing inherently damaging for a married woman to continue to use her family surname. In any event her children will be registered with their father's surname so there is no confusion. Many religiously observant young women today have built up careers and businesses using their given names, and it is inconvenient to say the least, to suddenly have to make a change to another identity. This has nothing to do with the dreaded "Feminists" Reuven. Its a personal option. On the other hand what kind of "gever" is threatened by a wife who comes to a marriage with a healthy self-rspect?
18. #13 is right and moreover...
Iossef ,   J'lem   (07.30.08)
the maiden name is just the name of the father, who is a man, no ? So what ?
19. I agree
Anna ,   Tel Aviv   (07.30.08)
Rabbi Metzger had the courage to say it. It is time to go back to the roots of our family values. The Chief Rabbi should have the courage to lead the way. Thanks Rabbi Metzger.
20. WHY THIS IS WRONG:
Rivkah Bat Dror ,   Ashdod Israel   (07.30.08)
1. Shalom bayit is best served by respect for each other, and of the identity of one another. So many women are abused in relationships when they are treated as mere property. That is why a woman is allowed to keep her first name forever. It is her identity as much as her surname. She will always be the daughter of her parents. In the difficult case of a breakdown on the marriage the woman still has that identity, very important to her mental health. 2. Most women HAVE to work. A professional women uses her maiden name at work and her married name in a social context. 3. Women should concentrate upon building a home, granted. But research has shown that where a women is weak in any way she is more likely to fail in life, and that includes marriage. Unfortunately the nature of many men take advantage of weakness. These are the women who need their strong identity and these are the women who, if it is taken away from them, will be more vulnerable to a marriage break-up.
21. Silly man.
Petra ,   usa   (07.30.08)
My Jewish roots are from my mother, shall I forget her or my maiden name? Na, it's easier to forget these looney rabbis. What was his name? Does anyone care or remember?
22. Changing a maiden name...
Michael ,   Ra'anana, Israel   (07.30.08)
Should be the woman's option. What happens to those women who publish doctorates, professional articles, books and more under their maiden names before they married? Are they to be stripped of their professional recognition simply because they married someone? Of course, Rabbi Metzger also ignores the fact that "family names" as we know them today are not a Jewish "invention". He also ignores the fact that many women have made considerable contributions in many fields under their maiden names and deserve to keep that recognition. He wants to turn women back into chattels, the way he sees them, apparently, with no identity but that of their husbands names.
23. Take this to its logical conclusion, then
Mr. Reuven Levi ,   Jerusalem, Israel   (07.30.08)
And recognize that women keeping their first names allows them to feel like individuals instead of appurtenances to their husbands, which appears to be the goal here. My mother, for most of her life, was known as Mrs. Jack Levi. That's the way it should be. Once we let them start keeping their names, it's a slippery slope that will end up leading to the destruction of Torah Judaism, and maybe even mixed dancing, G-d forbid.
24. STUPID
Michel ,   jerusalem   (07.30.08)
In the Jewish tradition (maybe the Chief Rabbi ignores it), a woman is known as ...Esther bat.. (HER mother name), le beit (Maiden family name)
25. Unredeemable society
Paul ,   Jerusalem, Israel   (07.30.08)
More proof the destruction of the soul is so deep that the alienated, sophisticates in the Jewish world can't agree let alone understand the concepts of human well-being. On the political, domestic and human level the intellect of the G-dless, western breed human slaves have rejected all desceny. Rabbi speak your heart, and don't let the fools of this broken society scare you.
26. NO! how's that for you?
Talula ,   Israel   (07.30.08)
Get your own congregation in order and preach to them. And you should also consider that your daily diatribe is of no interest to the rest of us.
27. Traditionally we didn't use surnames
Aaron ,   Baltimore, USA   (07.30.08)
Surnames are a recent (19th century for most Ashkenazim) "hiddush" (innovation). Before that, women NEVER changed their name, but were always known by patronymic (Pilonis Bas Pilonis). If following tradition was important, we would discard surname, which only serve to unfairly label people as to ethnicity.
28. Why don't we just use numbers instead of names? ;)
Nick Sporek ,   Jerusalem Israel   (07.30.08)
29. Why doesn't the husband take the womans family name?
Nick Sporek ,   Jerusalem Israel   (07.30.08)
If the Jewishness of the child is determined by the mother then why doesn't the husband take the womans family name? and why isn't there a tribe of Dena then?
30. Women should give up maiden names?
Ephraim ,   Ottawa, Canada   (07.30.08)
Glad to see that Rabbi Metzger is continuing the rabbinic tradition of agitating in areas that shouldn't concern him. Don't these guys have enough real work to do?
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