that there is so much money for every imaginable foolishness and luxury, but not enough to shelter women, who desperately need a safe place for themselves and their children.

In a sense, their shelter is the only place that a religious woman Violence affected can run away to

The only place ? I thought that "God" was the saviour. Isn't he the one to turn to, isn't he the one who solves all problems. I would have thought that he would "smite" the evil husband and "repair" the scars left on the woman.

One must ask why families don't support battered spouses (wives or husbands). There is no acceptable answer. There is neither Tzedeq nor khesed nor rakhamim in such a community. Golems. Paqid Yirmeyahu Paqid 16, The Netzarim, Ra'anana, Israel Israeli Torah-reverer: Teimani, Baladi, Dor Dai Jew Advocate for Logic as Hermeneutic Halakhic Authority www.netzarim.co.il Welcoming All Torah-reverers (Jews & non-Jew geirim)

This is a very moving story and it not only identifies a very serious problem in Israel but also demonstrates the importance of the Bat Melech organization. The story should be on the website for several days so many people can learn about the issue and the wonderful response of the organization.

that couples shouldn't bear children until their relationship is harmonious and beneficial enough for the child's well being. Haredi Rabbis should be proded to issue a decree in this sense (rather than being proded and bribed to issue all kind of nonsensical decrees).

If religion does not prevent such occurences it defeats its purpose. Furthermore, with the religious "Get" those women stand a high risk to remain "Agunot" for many years! Articles like this one are very reccomended to make us aware of the necessity, every one according to his capacities, to help as much as possible. Thanks Zoheret!

These women are part of a HUMAN group. Each human group has it's problems. And they are all much the same. Women who have abusive husbands, in EVERY society, have similar problems, denial, lack of family and friend support, embarrassment, worries for their future etc. It happens in EVERY society. After reading these talk backs, no wonder these women need a specific home that understands where they come from, not one where they are tormented, again, for their beliefs. Best wishes to all abused women.

If families would provide refuge, safety and support for daughters (infrequently sons) who are being abused by a spouse, wouldn't that be an immediate remedy? And Positive? Medicine isn't always sweet. Paqid Yirmeyahu Paqid 16, The Netzarim, Ra'anana, Israel Israeli Torah-reverer: Teimani, Baladi, Dor Dai Jew Advocate for Logic as Hermeneutic Halakhic Authority www.netzarim.co.il Welcoming All Torah-reverers (Jews & non-Jew geirim)

Criticism accepted. I hang my head low. I have had a problem all my life with sarcasm, just cannot resist sometimes. Must learn to bite my tongue.

Good post Rebecca. Spot on.

If families would provide refuge..... but they dont, hence the need for the shelter for abused women !!

Sagi, your sarcasm is quite refreshing as are all of your posts. Dont bite your tongue too hard !!

I'm so used to my own "head low" moments I have shoe prints on my beard. :-) Just part of the human condition us fallible humans have to put up with. Out of all of the tb-ers, you and I seem to be the only two who make errors. le-Shanah tovah

Certainly I'm not slighting the importance of the shelters. But I think that those who run the shelters would be the first to advise you similarly: that the best solution would come if we could somehow enlighten the parents of the battered spouses enabling them to become more understanding and responsive. That cannot happen until they recognize that blindly and mindlessly following rabbis just because they're rabbis negates the free will mind with which ha-Sheim endowed them, and makes them no better than golems. Rabbis should be followed in proportion to their individual to teach logical halakhic answers to life's questions. Torah is explicit (Shemot 23.2) that rabbis (or majority or consensus or tradition) who don't have logical halakhic answers--compatible with Torah she-Bikhtav, Tzedeq and khesed--shouldn't be followed. These families need to learn to put good sense (logic), along with Torah (e.g., tzedeq and khesed) above their fear of what their neighbors think or say. Then perhaps we might significantly alleviate the problem. The shelters, as essential as they are, are a band-aid on a cancer. The society that places "what neighbors might think or say" above family values of love, tzedeq, khesed and rakhamim--Torah--can only spiral downward into increasing abuse; and experience has demonstrated that no one can build and staff shelters fast enough to keep pace. We must find a way to communicate to them that Torah is tzedeq, khesed and rakhamim; that blind enslavement to serve rabbis instead of ha-Sheim or fear of what neighbors may say is NOT Torah. Aren't we on the same side, sharing the same goal? le-Shanah tovah

Everything this article described happens in the non-Jewish world too, and there Rabbis are definitely not to blame. I've seen video interviews with battered women and it's not just the family attitude, but their own attitude towards themselves. Somehow, the abuser knows who to marry. It's scary how these women get so sucked into these relationships. Even with the most supportive families, women have given themselves over to these men. G-d bless those who are helping these women and all women of such abuse. I wish them only the best.

However, our priority is to remedy the problem in our own communities. What goes wrong elsewhere is their problem. So, we do focus on the wrongs in our own community. I've had some exposure and training in this and similar areas (U.S. police academy) and experience responding to domestic calls. Where do you think their attitude towards themselves comes from? Family and, in turn, their community and we're back to what I posted. It's a misconception, fueled by Hollywood (we all spot the abuser early in the movie; how come SHE can't see that?!?) that abusers know who to marry. Whomever they marry is drawn into the vortex of pressures to make the marriage work, giving their spouse whom they love the benefit of doubt when assessing their own guilt--"deserving it"--being pressured by the family to "go work it out" with the spouse (who is much to affable and congenial to be the ogre described) and the pressures of the community (failed marriage? horrors!!! No family or future for you!!!) The problem is that the abuser is no more obvious than pedophiles, serial rapists, etc. If they were obvious, the abused spouse would never have married them. They almost never knew and never "gave themselves over" to an abuser. Neither they nor anyone else ever saw it coming, nor could even imagine it. So--to family, neighbors, clergy and the community--the problem is that abuse seems unthinkable from such a "nice couple," and the pressure turns on the abused to maintain that image and "stop causing the problem." The hinge that squeaks gets the blame. It can happen to anyone who doesn't know what to look for prior to the wedding. It can also be happening right now in your family or your neighbors if you don't know what to look for. A spouse, or child, that suffers more than one accident injury should be immediately suspect. So, let's put you in the picture. If your married child has had a couple of accidental injuries did you report the second one to the police? If your neighbor's child has had a couple of accidental injuries did you report the second one to the police? If your grandchild has had a couple of accidental injuries did you report the second one to the police? Not such a simple or easy decision, eh? Paqid Yirmeyahu Paqid 16, The Netzarim, Ra'anana, Israel Israeli Torah-reverer: Teimani, Baladi, Dor Dai Jew Advocate for Logic as Hermeneutic Halakhic Authority www.netzarim.co.il Welcoming All Torah-reverers (Jews & non-Jew geirim)

Thank you. I am usually very serious minded and try to see things in depth, but occassionally my alter ego gets the upper hand. Of course wife beating, or indeed any abuse of women by men, no matter how trivial or how severe, is to me quite disgusting, in fact it is anathema to me and I have in the past severed a relationship with a friend of many years after I witnessed him on one occassion deriding his wife in front of friends and on another cursing and throwing objects at her. that was it for me. Bat Melech are only due praise for the good community work they do. I would like to see wife beaters behind bars, but I do not think it will happen in my lifetime.

Sagi I have been trying in vain to get this posted so pardon me if it gets printed after quite a long time. I know of a wife beater who got jail time for beating his wife. So the system does work. The abused shelters for women & children are a haven of safety & security against abusive husbands. The inmates are taught how to re-start their lives alone amongst many other usefull tips. The women get all the support (emotional aswell) they need.The highest possible praise goes to everyone who works in these shelters.

You are so right. There is a light at the end of the tunnel because 60% of abused women at some stage do seek help & do get out of an abusive marriage, with or without their parents help. The more shelters we have, the more women will seek them.

There must always be a way out available. No judgement, no questions.