GET. GET is short for the 'GET the hell out of my life'. When a wife doesnt want to be with you...throw her a GET and let her find her way elsewhere. PS As the courts are becoming more and more unfair to men, they will end up refusing to marry. Think about that...How does that bode for a Jewish society?

For your information, a woman does not become the property of a man upon marrying him. For a man to legally imprison a woman using the marriage contract and thereby disallowing her to remarry and produce children inside a healthy union, a moral degradation occurs. How can THAT not bode very ill for Jewish society? I recall being imprisoned in a custody suit which my children were forced to spend time with a monster because the court wanted to be "fair" to fathers and ignored the individual rights of my kids. I sued the court in a civil rights suit and they quickly relented. And guess what? To this day my kids have bad feelings over that they were used as pawns by the system. This story is about a person who like many Jewish religious men, who punish and abuse women by refusing divorce gets--out of not wanting to pay compensation and by wanting to emotionally abuse them and disallow them the opportunity for another religious union. How can you possibly believe it is wrong for a woman to fulfill her own life? If men like this guy refuse to marry in the future, it is a very good thing since they will obviously make horrid partners and even worse fathers.

This is a real breakthrough for Agunnot. The way to get at divorce refuseniks is through their pockets. And it shouldn't take 13 years either. Anything over a year is deplorable. Rabbis and judges take heed.

What I said was simply that a divorce should be given without hesitation. I agree with that. In my own case, my ex wanted out and I was only too happy for that to occur. After all I didn't want a wife who didn't care for me. However what I find disgusting is that divorced women usually find it easy to use their children in their quest to get more support etc. In many cases, courts are only too happy to accommodate them as it relieves the government from providing support. That does not bode well for marriage, for young men after hearing the tales of disaster in the courts, usually refrain from marriage. Us men are not stupid. We know full well that divorced women on the whole, usually initiate divorce, thus most of their 'poor me' stories are taken with a huge grain of salt. Remember one thing, another man will in most cases not assume the father role for your kids. Its best not to alienate the father of your kids, should a divorce arise. Don't use your children as a battering ram in the divorce courts. Finally as to the notion that women should lead their own lives. I agree with you, they should lead their own lives including paying their own way all throughout their lives after their initiated divorce..That I certainly agree with. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. In other words, should they initiate divorce they cannot expect alimony..Its as simple as that.

The legal system uses formulas to establish compensation in divorce which are based on worth of acquired gains and income. If a man cannot prove the court is over estimating what he should pay, there is a problem with his bookkeeping, period. Many women pay alimony as well--Did you know that? And I have never heard of a young man delaying marriage because he heard a negative story about alimony. I think people are more savvy than you give them credit for. Men often use the money issue as a vehicle to bitch about losing the marriage because they cannot say, "Yeah, she told me I wasn't a good partner in so many ways and I couldn't get her to kowtow anymore and she insisted I actually go to counseling and change--she married me like this damnit!" That's the real tale of alimony and child support complaints against women. As for paying their own way, Al, most women do pay their own way. If male dominated businesses would pay equal pay for women and level the playing field no alimony would even be necessary. But ultimately we are in agreement because it appears marriage is quickly becoming obselete. This is because what is good for the goose is good for the gander as well, and women feel no obligation to be ruled over by another person, painfully bear children and raise them and then have to ask someone else for money and ultimately see their own personal dreams (of a long lovely marriage into old age) go up in smoke as they end up having to ask a judge to protect them financially from husbands who exercise their broken egos on the alter of alimony.

An aguna with a little more money, but still an aguna. And money isn't everyting. No second marriage, no more children, just money. Very warm at night, money. Very comforting when one sees women with babies, money. Judaism found a way to end most cases of bigamy centuries ago, without a Sanhedrin, without a temple in Jerusalem, and it was brilliant. So why the reluctance to find a way to free agunot?

is garanteed, if the aim of BOTH is the wellbeing of their partner.Only than all the problems can be solved.

It's nice to point out but no one is lost on that point. With respect the subject is what happens when someone who obviously had no interest in his wife's well being, let alone putting it first, concludes that the way to carry on punishing her will to have rights within a marriage and afterwards is to deny her support and compensation as well as freedom.

I am really sorry you had a bad experience.I hope you will be more lucky next time,and you will find a man with a good heart.

YOU PUT THAT BITTER, IGNORANT CHAUVANIST RIGHT IN HIS PLACE.

all warm at night. Silly little girl watching the world go by pining for this or that. Get a life and stop decending into the sewer of self pity and remorse. Chances are a man wont want to hook up with you, for your bitterness is oh so evident. PS..If you are bitter in your thoughts, you're bitter elsewhere.(you know what I'm talking about). FYI The word chavanist was last used in the hippy 60's.

As i already said to you,you have a brilliant mind,and many other great qualities,like a strong personnality hardworking etc,everything one need to advance in life.But nobody is perfect,only angels.... and humans are not suposed to be angels. The saying:one doesn t live only from bread is very true.Everybody needs to feel esteem and love.The same for the cleaning woman ,family,friends,collegues. poor, VIP people,and mostly ourselves.What we give comes back,if we don t expect to be paid back.Nobody got ever poor because he was to generous.I am sure you know all this better than i,as you learned this at theYeshiva. Generous people are happy people and never lonely.We await you in Israel where you will have with G-Ds help a happy life.

Better luck next time.

what do we want this kind of garbage

I am up in middle of the night looking at this website after having tried to call either one of my sons currently serving in the IDF.(its early morning Sunday, so they may be off base) I cant get through at times so I reach for this website reading all I can. Certain aspects of life in Israel get to me. I cant tolerate self pity and envy especially amongst us Jews. I am child of survivors who never ever felt anyone owed them anything. In life we all try to achieve happiness. When a couple seeks strength and or happiness they take that from eachother. All of my posts stress self reliance, self esteem and strengh. When either one in a marriage want out, then by all means they should leave. If leaving means that there are financial costs, well as I've said, whats good for the goose is good for the gander. It takes two to make a marriage, it only takes one to destroy it.

YOu dont know me and you are out of line. I would say you have some real issues that need to be looked at before you implode. Get a job, get busy and stop bleeping.

The courts here do not use formulas to set child support. In Israel (which is the country under discussion) there are no formulas at all, and men are required to pay 100% of the costs of raising the child, regardless of his income, his wife's income, and the reason for divorce. You also say you never heard of a man who did not marry because of feminist family courts - almost every article I read concerning family law has comments saying marriage is unaffordable for men.

The big problem in most cases -i don t know your case,and i don t talk about that- is, that people don t know how to argue,how to listen to the other s problem,how to accept that for some claims he or she has a point,and ONLY AFTER THIS defend oneself. As nobody is perfect ,there are always shortcomings at both sides,and only if we recognise that, we can repare(Dr.Phils words).The natural tendency to reject, everything our opponent says, is very common and counterproductive.This kind of problems occur not only with couples,but also in our every day life.We have the opportunity to train ourselves continually. In the beginning it seems unrealistic,but it gets easier with the time,and it is worth the effort.I am sure you will understand what i am sayng,and i really hope you will agree.Have a fine day.

am also waiting 14 years for religious divorce; we have to marry as jews but can not obtain justice (in my case i only want a get) because we're not israelis; time for Israel to apply same laws for all jews and deliver the get; time to consider giving women equal rights; please rabbis hear our prayers!

DOESN'T KNOW A THING ABOUT ME. CLEARLY HAS SUCH A BAD ATTITUDE IT'S NO WONDER HE'S ALONE. AND THE WORD CHAUVANIST TOTALLY APPLIES HERE. PERHAPS IT'S NOT USED MUCH THESE DAYS AS MANY OF YOUR ILK HAVE EVOLVED. AND YOU HAVE MOUNTAINS TO CLIMB, MY FRIEND.

You do not give the specifics of your case, but can I ask - if you want equality, I assume you offered your husband custody, child support, and a one-time severence payment equal to the Ketuba? That is what he would have to give you if he wants a divorce (and still only with your consent) so if you believe in equality, he deserves the same.

But how is that a response to what I wrote?

It is wonderful that the court awarded her money, but does the guy have the money to pay? Where does a haredi in Israel have that kind of money. Most likely she will stay the same status with a judgement that cannot be enforced. The get law in the Torah is the one thing I cannot understand how it is just, It seems to me complete immorality sanctioned by Torah. It can't be that G-d didn't know that immoral men would use this law as a rod to batter their wives. The Israeli government should make refusal of giving a get a crime punishable by prison and that would do a lot to ease the situation. In the old days, if a man refused to give a get they would beat him until he agreed, but today we are too 'civilized' to do that, so having taken away that option, women are left open to victimization my immoral, cruel, abusive men like these. The courts and the Rabbis don't do enough to right this crime, because they don't see it as a crime. A man like this can walk free and still not pay, he can even remarry or not remarry but he won't carry the stigma of being an adulterer like his wife will.