Treatments may or may not help and if they do, it is because God wants it to happen. Sometimes there must be another male's energy or help to make it happen such as the angels and Abraham or the woman thinking about a Tzadik that will help her husband and her conceive. The tikun process may take time, but it does not depend upon fertility treatments. There is more to having a child than we currently understand.

Hashem gave me a child (after waiting for 10 years, 5 years of treatments and 9 miscariages), after I prayed at the tomb of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai in Meron on Lag Ba'omer. One year after the birth of my beautiful healthy boy I went back there and got pregnant again (without treatments) the same month and had another healthy baby Baruch Hashem.

Believe me when i say that it is so hard for a woman who has children to know how she is supposed to relate to her "infertile" friend. I've heard so many different opinions. Some want to just be treated normally and don't want you to avoid the topic of children around them , and others find it painful when you talk about your children. Its a tight rope to walk and while i personally have never God forbid intentionally said something that may hurt an infertile woman, unfortunately when you have kids your natural way of talking will slip out without you meaning to be hurtful at all. For example, i was talking to my mother in law about my landlord in front of my cousin, who is struggling to have children. In addition to all the positive things i was saying about my landlord, i just mentioned "and he's very happy that there are kids growing up in the house." We were not in an inccessant discussion on children, i just remembered a sweet thing he had said and automatically related it. The second it came out of my mouth i realized that it could come over as very hurtful to my cousin and deeply regretted it. But at the same time, i feel like i cant have a natural relationship with my cousin because i'm constantly trying to remember to avoid saying all those little things that when you have children, are just a huge part of your life. As far as feeling isolated goes, as a mother with children, your friends are pretty much the women who go to the same park as you. I feel isolated from all my old friends and miss them terribly, but i just don't have any extra hours in the day. My point is kind of to apologize to infertile women when they get hurt, but i guess also to explain that i believe that most of the time it is completely and utterly unintentional.

I read a different story last week somewhere about a couple who waited 30 years to have a baby. It was highly emotional, but full of faith amidst the suffering. Nobody was saying "to hell with halacha"; they accepted their situation as what was right for them at that time, without ever losing faith that one day the situation would change - and it did.

I am 41 years old and also don't have the energy to pray anymore because it just doesn't help. I stopped going to weddings, give a different excuse each time. Growing away from the religion with each passing year. There really is nothing sprituall about being alone at 41. I feel for these people.

I too don't have children but I have a very different experience then this woman describes. I find that charedi people are more sensitive and really cherish children. In non religious communities it must be painful for childless women to see how their friends don't care to have children right away or to have more that one ore two children. In the Charedi world children are a gift, a miracle. All the women who I know who were childless, channeled their enery into greatness. They became active in helping or teaching or giving in any which way. I feel closer to G-d because I see the kindness within the darkness. I see how he carries my large burden and I find that after crying to G-d, I become closer to him and see G-d more clearly then before. The Torah tells us that the Matriachs were childless because G-d wanted them to pray to him and thereby grow towards him. The Torah makes it clear how painful it was but that it had a purpose. A crisis of faith because there is a lack of justice is so far from me. This world is a messy place and justice is sometimes only meted out in the next world. Personally I can't understand why infertility should be easier if a person were not religious. Whom do they have faith in that a child will come? What can comfort them if they never have children, they don't believe that suffering too has meaning and that everything G-d does is ultimately for the best. I sometimes wonder why G-d did this to me but I am never in doubt that it is from him and that it such a comfort. Instead of people just expressing sympathy, in the charred community people who care pray for you. What can be a greater way of sharing my pain then a friend crying out to G-d in prayer for my pain. I really don't understand why the woman in the article feels the way she does but I don't judge her, suffering can really be difficult and turn a person away.

I too thought G-d was not exactly nice. Even though I was fully orthodox and observant and learned, I had some anger about my barenness. After entering the world of the writings of Rav Nachman of Breslov my whole perception of G-d changed radically. Because Rav Nachman advises daily converstation with G-d, I came to realize that although G-d was not answering my request for children He was answering so many of my other requests made in those conversations. I came to the conclusion that if He's not answering the request for children with a Yes, but answers so many others there must be a good reason why. And I grew in trust and love for G-d. The only reason why I want children is not for my own pleasure in this world but for our souls to be elevated when they do good after we depart. Over there every elevation means the ability to enjoy G-d's light that much more. However Rav Nachman promises that if you follow his advice your soul will be fully rectified - so I am relying on that now.

These women sadly have the completely wrong attitude. As an older childless religious woman who has also been through years of treatment, I feel very sad for those who resent the so-called "burden" of faith. Faith is what has always kept me going. It's what keeps me strong. My experience has been so different, with caring people all around me and, no, I also never find it insensitive when people around me talk about their babies. It's their right as parents. If these women would just change their attitude and focus on the positive, their lives would be so much happier, instead of the impression they give out of just feeling sorry for themselves. I'm sure they aren't much fun to be around, and no i'm NOT being insensitive, I have gone through the exact same treatments. I wish them success, but more importantly, bless them that they learn to live b'simcha instead of feeling the world is against them.

I'm also religious and know many people with the same problem all of whom are related to with extreme sensitivity and consideration to their problem from the surroundings. Malak Bodeh ( the author ) seems to have looked for the strange stories again to throw the kitchen sink at religion disregarding the masses that act completely different. Shame on you and the ones interviewed to give such a distorted picture.

your divorced friends...

We are also religious and have been childless for 8 years. Plenty of expensive and morally destructive infertility treatment around the world. According to Drs there is not much of a hope. But WE still hope. The article only scrap part of the truth like the difficulty of keeping hilchos nidah when going through infertility. Nevertheless, an amazing moral and financial support exist within the religious community. Of course some people may be insensitive due to their ignorance. Also, you really have a problem of faith if you are not ready to discuss with a competent Rov the issues that arise during your life and possible solutions . If you really have faith, getting closer to God is eventually what's really going to help. The Drs themself reckon that they don't understand why sometimes things work why they thought it would be impossible, and why sometimes for no apparent reason it doesn't work. Our sages teach us that the key of fertility has not been given to man. And as one already said above, I have also heard from first source the recent story of this couple that kept an amazing faith and have been blessed with a child after 30 years (without egg or sperm donation). If you have been through infertiliy, you know how much this is a miracle. I would advice to any religious jewish couple to consult a Rov that is competent with infertility issues when they have to go through tough choices for moral and halacha support. Most important, try to keep faith and keep yourself busy with good things. Have a positive approach to the world. You may go sometimes through crisis but if you fight, God will help you and you'll succeed.

... is what you get in a culture that reduces a woman into merely a baby oven with feelings. What about women who are born without internal female reproductive plumbing (i.e., agenesis of those organs)? Such women do exist. God made them that way. Are they supposed to feel horrible all their lives? For them, it is medically impossible to have children. Are they not women because they cannot have children? Should such women be treated as second-class citizens in Haredi society, or any society, for that matter? Or the woman who, for life-preserving medical reasons, has to have her female reproductive organs removed before she ever has a child? Is she no longer a woman? Should she feel horrible and second-class in haredi society? Shame on the haredi!

infertility. Pulling out the plasicizers in the body with beta-sitosterol capsules gradually is a good idea. Going to an organic foods diet is also helpful since the toxic chemical pesticides can affect fertility, too. Drinking 1/2 cup Essiac or Prairie tea twice daily to pull out toxins is also helpful. Avoiding soy products is helpful since that is estrogenic and can cause reduced fertility in males.

her old age and Rabbi Yeshua said none born of woman were greater than Yohanan the Baptizer. Rabbi Yeshua was not born of a woman, but a virgin. He was greater than Yohanan the Baptizer but he was not born of a woman.

It is not just the woman who suffers from childlessness, her husband is also a sufferer, although this is presented as a womens' issue. Not mentioned either is the fact that the husband may be the one with the health problem, which is why his wife does not conceive. This is more common than people like to think. I know of a case where the couple divorced so that the husband could start a family in a new marriage. Both remarried. The husband had no children by his new wife either, the remarried wife got pregnant in the first few months of her marriage,and went on to have a normal number of healthy children.

What make you think that charedi people are more insensitive to these problems than secular society? In my opinion, it's the opposite. But slandering on the web is so easy...

I don't understand that woman who dreamed of having 8-10 kids. When I have seen huge families in Israel and in NY, the oldest girls (who never smile) are stuck minding their younger siblings and the mother just takes care of the most recent baby. What kind of goal is that? How much mommy-time does a child in a 10-kid family get? Never enough, and I bet those children never get to be alone with their own thoughts all by themselves. That might be dangerous, though, as the collective mentality would not thrive that way. And then there are the financial burdens, especially if the husband doesn't have a real job. I think part of the desire among religious women for huge litters of kids is peer pressure, keeping up with the Cohens. There is a big world out there, but they are isolated and insulated from it. And on a practical note. The author of this article never mentioned statistics: Infertility treatments contra waiting and praying and success rates. Even if treatments don't always work, I bet they leave prayer back in the dust.

They don't sereve in the army, they treat their wives like dirt, they make their Matsah out of our blood, right?! Why always Haredi haredi haredi? it's obvious that the ones interviewed are connected to the religious Zionist faction. Haredim don't have the attitude that is expressed in this article not in regard to belief and not in regard to Halacha.

I understand that people want to see their genes get passed on and have a child that is their own flesh and blood, but could it also be part of hashem's plan that some couples can not have children so that they can instead adopt and provide an orphan with the same love and home as if the child was theirs? Just something to think about, maybe these couple's should leave science out of it, and just adopt. It is probably a bigger mitzvah even.

Regarding your last sentence, no, in my experience fertility treatments don't "leave prayer back in the dust". Fertility treatments (which I'm undergoing myself as well) are a technical, medical procedure which may or may not succeed. Prayer is more than just a means to and end. It is a way of connecting to G-d and drawing you closer to Him and of giving you peace of mind and meaning to your life. That is a value in its own and it lasts even if the fertility treatments (or any other goal in life, as the case may be) fail.

.... is a woman not having a child after ten years reasons for divorce (without checking if the infertility is in the husband?) according to Jewish law?

I am the adopted son of a couple who had no children of their own. My Parents were nearing 50 when they adopted me and my siblings (They were old enough to be my grandparents). we had a wonderful life and I knew only these people as my true parents! They have since passed away, but i know they are sitting under G-d's wings looking down on the children they raised and the families that grew from their unselfish love! I can not thank them enough for what they did for my siblings and me, showing us the correct path of life to live. Thank you Mom & Dad for all that you gave us!

BS"D I am surprised at the opinions registered on this forum and wish to remind YNET readers that the views expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the truly Religious woman's beliefs. Furthermore, no-one can judge someone elses feelings unless they have experienced the exact same Matzav. I find it interesting that when people read painful stories about painful topics, they feel the need to compete and reply with their own sad tales. The challenge of Infertility in the social framework of marriage and family is indeed a terrible challenge and merits at least our ability to listen...

the women speaking inthis article to not strike me as Chareidi necessarily, just religious women who want children. They don't express any sentiment about being treated like a baby making machine like you claim, so don't you start labelling them! I'm sorry fro you if that's been your experience of the religious world, but that's not being discussed here.

This article is so moving - I would love to hear progress reports from those interviewed in 3, 6, 9, 12 and 15 years or even beyond. Clearly, the interviewer chose those with the strongest emotions to report, which means they are nearly all pretty young. I'd love to follow them as they cope with and assimilate heart-break. It is a painful way to grow but the results are often so deep. Sending strength to them all!

anything that brings more Jewish children into the world is worth the effort

and she was infertile for a lot longer than ten years. Isaac did not divorce Rebecca and she was infertile for twenty years.

Breaking news to you Rivkah, we Jews do not believe in Jesus, therefore we do not pray to him.

Wishing you good luck Ilana.