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    What are they really all about?
    Take time to talk about strengths and weaknesses within your relationship. If your relationship is not all you’d like, and you can’t sort problems out, get professional help

    Relationships, seemingly so simple, can be so complex at times. In a good relationship, it seems that almost immediately upon saying goodbye to someone, you yearn for more contact with that person. You miss them and want to be together.

     

    The key to a good relationship is good communication. Couples that never fight don’t necessarily win the award. A couple that cares for each other don’t always agree and it is only through shared conversations that one can truly have a meaningful relationship. Having a partner to share both the good and the bad can help you live longer and add immeasurably to your mental and physical health. We all want to be loved.

     

    Now, take a moment and think about your relationship with your significant other. If you don’t currently have a partner, use this opportunity to explore the relationship with someone who is special in your life.

     

    Ask yourself the following questions and then if you are brave, ask your partner to answer the quiz as well. Then go for it-yup, take the plunge and share your answers. Make sure you leave yourselves lots of time for discussion! Good luck.

     

    1. How do you spend your time with your partner and is it time well spent? If you could change both the amount of time you spend with each other and what you do when you are together, what changes would you make?

     

    2. If you had to pick one thing that would make your relationship more perfect, what would it be?

     

    3. How is your self-esteem within your relationship? Do you feel good about yourself and who you are? Does your partner work to enhance it or does he inadvertently put you down? Do you feel loved? Do you feel safe?

     

    4. Do the two of you have good old-fashioned “dates”? Just the two of you with no one else and opportunities outside the house where you make the time to talk and share your goals and your dreams? Do you want or need more “dates’?

     

    5. What is the communication like between the two of you? Do you listen to each other? Is there good will and kindness between the two of you or lots of anger and ill feelings? Do you send mixed messages or are you clear in what you say so that your partner is not hurt? Do you say what you mean and mean what you say?

     

    6. How do you fight? Do you work together to resolve problems or do you drop issues only to have them resurface at a later time? Are you mean to each other or do you weigh your words so as not to offend? Do you forgive each other or hold a grudge?

     

    7. Do you blame your partner or look to yourself to see what changes you can make in a relationship in order to make it better? Do you both compromise?

     

    8. Do you have fun in your relationship? Do you laugh as a couple and see humor? Can you share your sad thoughts and feelings as well?

     

    9. How is your sex life? Is it all that you would want it to be? Are you both in synch and if not, can you openly discuss what changes may be needed to improve things?

     

    10. Is your partner a priority in your life? Do you see yourself as a priority in his life?

     

    Now that you have answered the quiz, make sure you take the time to talk about the strengths and weaknesses within your relationship with your partner. If your relationship is not all that you’d like it to be, and if you can’t sort the problems out together, then go and get professional help now. You both deserve to have a relationship that makes you want to go back for more- time and time again.

     

    Send correspondence to ludman@netvision.net.il , or visit her website

     

    Dr. Batya L. Ludman is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Raanana. She works with adults and couples in short- term solution focused psychotherapy around communication, marital and sexual issues

    פרסום ראשון: 03.17.05, 13:13
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