Menage a'trois
What rules apply when inviting a third person into the bedroom?
One of the ways for a couple to spice up their sex life without committing adultery is to invite a third person into the bedroom. It can be a man or a woman, depending on who or what the couple prefers.
The popularity of this trend can be traced to the Internet. There are dozens of sites specifically for this purpose so that the search for the 'missing' rib is easier than ever.
The most important part of a threesome is the decision-making process. The actual implementation is the easy part. What is the decision making process and why do the scales tip at this juncture? How does a couple decide whether to invite another man or a woman? There are other decisions too: Will there be homosexual sex? Who decides and what are the rules?
The couple has to set its own ground rules. A couple who has had a longtime relationship but wants new stimulation can derive great pleasure from a threesome, but only if the decision is made equally and there is total agreement for the right reasons.
Anxieties are natural
It is totally natural that there will be anxieties alongside the excitement of someone new. Some may get jealous; even nausea (or worse) is not unreasonable. There are those who have not been able to function under these circumstances.
It's also wise to agree ahead of time that if one of the partners is uncomfortable with the sex it can be stopped at any time. It is supposed to be an enjoyable and enriching sexual experience, not meant to create suffering.
Fun for all
A general rule in a threesome is that no one feels left out. When a partner gives more attention to the guest and neglects the regular partner then it’s a recipe for failure.
One option is to change off between giving and getting. It is advised to note how much attention the guest gets and to be sure that the regular partners receive slightly more.
The beauty of a threesome especially between the two women or between two men (practicing safe sex of course) is that each person can give and get almost the entire time. This is why it can be an amazing and exciting experience.
Just know that it's not easy to turn a fantasy into reality.
Nava Lerner is a sexologist and sexual advisor
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