Advice for before and after you say 'I do'
Photo: Israel Bardugo

New: The complete Shidduch guide

'We will not speak about the wedding-night until after the Chupah,' and 'find out what is special about your wife's character, her intentions and qualities. Devote yourself to her, love, unite.' In a new book, rabbis and professionals offer advice

Why do I always find faults with the women I date? What not to do before the wedding? Why isn't dinner ready on time? And why is it recommended to keep conversation with the woman to a minimum? These are some of the questions the new book "Good to Be a Couple" answers.


The book is a collection of answers to questions and dilemmas young religious men and women face when they look for a partner, before the wedding and during marriage. The book was written by leading rabbis and professionals.


Dating and marriage have always been a hot topic in the religious sector. Yet, these conflicts were frequently ignored or quietly alluded to. The new book is the first indication of a shift in attitude.


Alongside trivial questions such as "how do I know he's the one?" and "how to overcome a fear of intimacy?" – there are columns that shed a light on religious couplehood. One of the articles, for example, presents Rabbi Shlomo Aviner's view about proper etiquette during the engagement period.


Titled, "Let's Save it Till We're Married," the article refers to a letter written by a young woman to her fiancé to explain the appropriate behavior: "I decided, we will not talk about the wedding night. You have your groom's guide and I have the guide for the bride-to-be. We will not meet again in the park at night. My heart tells me that is a sin."


Rabbi Yoav Malka deals with the instruction in Pirkei Avot to keep conversation with the woman to a minimum. Malka explains that a man must be careful not to be overly-influenced by his wife: "Women's verbal abilities are higher. Their proficiency and fluency might make the man feel inferior and damage his self-esteem and sexual identity."


In another article titled "Dealing with Daily Hardships" a young husband asks Rabbi Rafi Feuerstein what he should do about his wife who ignores his advice. The Rabbi begins his answer with an explanation of the differences between men and women: "Men tend to keep their problems to themselves, while women love to share. Women want to be listened to and do not necessary appreciate an advice… If you project humility, patience and true interest, she will be more open to hear your practical advice."


פרסום ראשון: 11.26.07, 08:18
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