Photo: Haim Zach
Olmert. A magician?
Photo: Haim Zach
Sever Plocker

Olmert's magic show

Prime minister's 'government system revolution' a dangerous trick

Here are the words of the magician in his last show: "Ladies and gentlemen, closely watch my hat, because I'm about to do an amazing magic trick. The hat seems empty to you, right? But, hocus-pocus, and I'm about to pull out the rabbit of the year: Government system revolution. R-e-v-o-l-u-t-i-o-n, ladies and gentlemen, no less.


Pay attention, ladies and gentlemen: This isn't the white mouse I pulled out of my sleeve in the previous show. I nicknamed the previous mouse "government system reform". Unfortunately, the exposure wasn't good for it, so we were forced to butcher and bury it.


Ladies and gentlemen, my dear audience, now I present to you a whole new, different crossbreed. "The government system revolution." I'm holding on to its ears so it doesn't run away, so you can see it from all angles. Isn't it wonderful? Unique? The best there is? The government system revolution I pulled out of my magic hat has the neck of a bulldog, the spine of a mole, the legs of a stork, and the muscle system of a carp…what does it remind you of? Come on, I'm waiting for answers from the audience.


A duck? Who said a duck? Why duck? This is a government system revolution, ladies and gentlemen, not a duck. You don't believe me? Ladies and gentlemen, I know that recently I presented more magic shows and you may have tired of them a little. But you have no choice: You paid good money for this show. Some gambled their entire political fortune only to win a ticket! At such prices, you simply cannot afford to yawn and doubt my magic abilities.


You have to, my precious audience, trust me and my instincts. The government revolution I pulled out of my hat is very good. For me.


After this revolution, the prime minister (that is, me) will always be the head of the largest party, even when it is a small party. It's enough that all other parties are smaller. How convenient, how efficient! In order to be a prime minister there's no need to work hard to win the people's trust. It would be enough to end up with one more Knesset member than opponents in the elections. And then, there we go, you automatically become a prime minister. Automatically! Think about it when you look at me.


The show has only started

I request that the lightening technician turn up the spotlight. Yes, that's better: You see only me and my magic hat, and not the dark corners where my enemies whisper. And music, more music, so we don't hear the sounds of Qassam rockets and artillery fire outside this hall. We came here to be entertained, not to worry. In my magic space I'm protected and you're my captivated audience.


Following the government system revolution, I'll be a thousand times more protected. You won't like my show? You want to topple my government and dismantle the Knesset? Forget about it! The revolution will attach the prime minister to the chair. So many Knesset members will be required to dismiss me that it won't happen at any point during my term.


And now, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the climax: Following the revolution, I and only I will appoint the ministers. Their fate will depend on my words. They won't even serve in the Knesset. Think about it, ladies and gentleman, when you recall the appointments in my government to this point.


I'm repeating the question: What does my government system revolution remind you of? What, still a duck? Ladies and gentlemen, impossible, I'm really disappointed. You're so narrow-minded! Where's your vision? Where is your loud applause? Why is everyone no longer impressed with my coalition tricks and the way I manage to emerge out of investigations unscathed? What happened, my dear audience, you don't like my magic anymore?


I promise: The government rabbit I pulled out will be roaring like a lion. And what if it won't? What if it quacks like a duck? We'll butcher that one too, as we did its predecessors.


Those are the words of the magic. And the show has only started.


פרסום ראשון: 11.12.06, 15:45
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