VIDEO - Y. From Bnei Brak, not yet 18-years-old, completed his studies at the young yeshiva (the equivalent of a secular high school) and recently moved to Jerusalem. He chose Jerusalem "because Bnei Brak is a city with a heredi population, and in Jerusalem there are greater and less limited opportunities." "I have left the community to a certain extent," he says, "In Bnei Brak outward appearances are what count. Black and white, a hat and a suit. If you don't follow suit, you are not considered part of the community. Clothes are what count." The dress code described by Y. describes a Yeshiva student, if one bright morning that same boy decides to wear a pale blue shirt "it's as though you have left the faith," he explains. Although he has spent most of his life as a haredi, he now feels as though he belongs to "another sector." When asked to explain what he means by another sector, he carefully searches for the right words. "You can call it a lot of things," he says finally, "there are those who call them modernists or "Shababniks," although I don't profess to be one of them," he shies away from the description which he perceives as an insult. He finds it hard to number this community because "its easier to count hardei people, secular people can't be counted," he says. What do you mean they can't be counted, where are they located? "Underground," he says. The broken ideal The hardei educational system for men, from infancy to old age, is dedicated solely to Torah studies, which is perceived as a supreme value. When a young man completes his studies in a young yeshiva, he will go to the induction center, declare his religiousness and continue his studies in a higher yeshiva. He will continue investing in his studies at least until he finds a match and marries. If he manages to get into one of the prestigious yeshivas and does well in his studies, his chances of a successful "shiduch" will grow accordingly. The yeshiva framework is very demanding and competitive, and studies there begin at 7 am and continue until 11pm at night. After marriage, a yeshiva student can decide whether to continue on the same path, or to partially combine his studies with employment. The first option is considered to be the more favored one by the community. Yet somewhere along the way, this ideal begins to crack. In recent years, a growing number of yeshiva students decided to take a different path. Yet, among themselves, more and more members of the haredi community are describing this phenomenon as a "disturbing problem." It is still not being said out loud, but it is indeed being said. Searching for the truth Several young boys decided to set up an alternative yeshiva in a small apartment on Hayei Adam Street in Jerusalem. The name of the yeshiva is posted on the door and it is the same as the street. Underneath the name, the words "searching for the truth" are printed in small letters. The apartment is located on the border between Mea Shearim and the city center, and was donated by Moshe's family, a young yeshiva student from Haifa, who also takes care of administrative matters. According to him, he and his brothers have joined the group because "the ultimate goal is to turn out normal, sane and tidy human beings, and not to be thrown onto the sidelines of society because of a lack of good people to take us in." Here students can chose to wear a pale blue shirt once in a while and wear a hat only on Shabbat if they so wish, but they are not interested in crossing the lines to the unknown secular court. "No one here want's to leave the haredi community," clarifies Boaz. "There are those who became haredi and there are those who took the other route. The only reason the guys are here is to find a social and spiritual belonging, to find a permanent home." Work in the mornings, study in the evening The boys all leave to work in the morning, yet not before they pile the mattresses into a corner of the living room. They try and get home before 8.30 pm, the time their daily Gemarrah lesson begins. They are currently studying the tractate Kidushin, taught voluntarily by a rabbi, whom they lovingly describe as an "innocent and righteous yeshiva student who doesn't tell us what to do. We adore him." "It’s a free atmosphere we chose the rabbi and brought him here, because this is where our spiritual leadership is. It’s a democracy here," explains Boaz. Contrary to other groups, this group doesn't have any written rules and its members all joined by word of mouth. They set their own rules. The yeshiva students say this independent way of life doesn't make them feel "closed in" while they can still keep in touch with the world of the Torah, their community and families. The apartment houses 8-9 yeshiva students and sometimes even more, they are all graduates of the "best yeshivas," they say. Other students from adjacent apartments join them for a Gemarrah lesson and together they comprise between 15-20 participants. Hayei Adam is an attempt by these boys to feel as though they are still part of the world they came from, but under conditions they are able to meet, even if it is just borderline. Modernization and its influences began penetrating the cracks in recent years. The problem is more painful for them and for those who remained behind, because education and the world of yeshivas, is in fact the haredi community's most precious asset. "It's like a trip to India, we'll be back" Close to midnight, dressed in the latest fashion, A. enters the apartment carrying a paper bag from a popular fashion store. He asks who wants to go to Tel Aviv, when there are no responses he sits down with everyone else, but not before apologizing for not attending the evening's lesson. He tries to make it on other evenings, because for him "it's his connection to the Torah. When I am here I feel connected, the yeshiva here makes us feel that we are still worth something. What is appealing is that the guys here, study freely, with laughter …it's fun." In the future, although he believes it will not be easy, Y. would like to return to the ranks. Today he feels the need to get away, "because he feels uncomfortable within the community." He doesn't believe the community will ever change but that he will. "I was born there, I was comfortable there, and then came a time when I didn't feel so comfortable any more. It's like taking a trip to India," he simplifies. Their terminology is modern, but according to these boys the secular alternative is not so great. Haim explains that it's like the "Israeli who arrives in the US and thinks that the whole of America is waiting just for him. That's what it's like with yeshiva students, they arrive here thinking that everyone is waiting to take care of them and then they find out that this simply isn't the case. All of them know at least one person who decided to cross over to the other side of the tracks, only to "break down completely." This option is not appealing to them. Neither is the option of enlisting into the army, even within the haredi Nahal unit. Y. says that he would like to join the army, but his family will not allow it. "If I decide to join the army I will immediately ruin my life. I will no longer be able to live at home and my parents and cousins will have nothing more to do with me," he says.