Online dating: Just be different
Introductions on online dating sites are like meeting in a bar. Don't be one of the crowd, try to be original. Make you’re your first line don't sound like every other guy. A bit of advice for on-line guys
The most popular pick up line on Internet dating sites is "Hi, I'd love to meet you. Shai."
Oops, my mistake. Sometimes the note is signed by Moti, Boris, Ro'i or Shachar.
Why do guys write these kinds of introductions? Turns out they write them because they don’t want to appear to be "trying too hard" or "over excited."
What a load of crap! You've written to her? Then she's probably figured out somehow that you're interested in her. The only question left to ask is why not to approach her like that, and what, exactly, is the right approach.
Why not?
1. Because apart from you, she got 20-50 approaches identical to yours
2. Because the minute you write such a boring approach, you are totally dependent on your picture and profile. That is to say, if you don't appear in your picture to be Brad Pitt's twin brother, and if your profile is not particularly impressive, she will simply hit "delete" and move on. No sentiments, no long-winded breakup letter, no ‘I don't think it's working out.’ You probably won't even get a "your nice, but not my taste." She'll just erase your letter and that's it.
Be interesting
My suggestion would be that even if you write one sentence, it is worth your while to write something interesting, something that would be nary impossible to ignore.
I don't mean something like, "Chicholina and I are like brothers, come and join us for a ménage a trois."
It doesn't have to be so extreme, just something that will raise an eyebrow.
Approaches on dating sites are similar to sitting in a bar. Just like I teach guys in my seminars to stand out from the crowd, on the Internet, too, you've got to be unique.
Make sure your first sentence isn't exactly like the other 10 guys who've already written to her.
This also repeats itself on dating site profiles. My best suggestion for guys who use dating sites – look at other guys' profiles in order to see what they are saying about themselves.
It turns out that you are all spontaneous, well-built, grew up with your mothers (why do you all think that's so funny?), you're all funny and make a lot of money. By the way, how much is a lot?
And in general, another, small tip: Drop the word "average" from your lexicon. Completely! No girl wants to go out with, or to think she's going out with, a mediocre guy.
Yes, I know you were talking about how tall you are, and that "average" is one of the options the site gives to describe your appearance.
Still, don't ever say "average." Choose thin, wide, big – anything except "average."
Drop the poems
Another, bigger, mistake guys make in their profiles is to cite poetry and philosophy.
Dude! Wake up! This is not your personal blog!
Yes, it's true. It's great to cite poetry, especially if you want to attract girls who like poetry.
But assuming you're not looking to limit yourself to girls who are crazy about poetry, why in the world is the ‘about me’ section filled with a poem? That's all you've got to say about yourself? That you like poetry?
Same goes for Bob Dylan, even though many of his lyrics do make you think. But hey, what about your words? Haven't YOU got anything to say?
Even if you decide not to write anything, that's okay, but don't – DON'T – write anything clever, such as ‘the baker doesn't testify about the bread’ or ‘What can I write in 100 characters?’ These witty sayings appear in every third profile or so…
In conclusion, my last tip is: You've invested good money in a subscription (and even if you haven't), now invest a bit of time and write something interesting about yourself.
Let us feel what you're really like – beyond the HTML code we've got in front of our noses.
Good luck!
Sharon Rubenstein is a dating advisor
