Compassionless sex
They are mostly married, living a daily routine, but their true sexual pleasure is associated with pain. Is it perversion or simply a different way of sexual expression?
In the dictionary of those addicted to bizarre sex, all the rest of the people – heterosexuals, homosexuals, and lesbians – are called 'vanilla', meaning 'normal', 'square', kind of boring.
Dr. Daniel Vetleman, a certified sexologist who teaches criminology at Beit Berl College, is an expert on paraphilia (sexual perversions). It turns out that 750 such perversions exist, ranging in severity from rape and pedophilia, to perversions of the need to cause –or experience – pain and hurt oneself or another, which derived from fetish fantasies.
Dr. Vetleman stressed that the majority of what we define as sexual perversions are rooted in the need for variations in sex and in sexual fantasies of consenting adults. The danger is in paraphilias that can severely hurt families of those who suffer from them or the community.
"When the only way for a person to achieve sexual gratification is through a different form of sex, it is not a criminal offense" said Dr. Vetleman, "though I do have patients who were caught breaking into homes in order to steal dirty laundry or women's shoes. They confessed that sexual gratification could only be achieved by wearing someone else's underwear (mostly of women) or putting on shoes and other accessories with unique smell. Partners of most of those people were flabbergasted to find out about their partner's fetish".
Does everything stem from psychological perversions?
"I suppose not. There are sexual offences that perpetrated by erroneous cultural norms. I refer to people with narrow, dogmatic way of thinking, and their distorted interpretation causes them to carry out sexual offences. They say: 'she got on the car in a mini skirt, so it's obvious that she is looking for an adventure'. I also encountered many rape cases where the victim knew the attacker. They were drunk and free of inhibitions, so their personal interpretation was that 'she wants it too', and ended in rape. This is not perversion."
What is the connection between malice and sadomasochism behavior?
"There are twisted sexual behaviors, like incest or inflicting pain and humiliation to another, with the purpose of attaining sexual pleasure and excitement. Sexual sadism contains in it the extreme form of malice which meant to harm. However, it's important to distinguish between malice measured by ethical axis of good and bad, and between sadism that fits into sick behavior."
It is difficult to understand how pain and hurt could be experienced in order to achieve sexual pleasure, which is related consciously with giving, spoiling, and love. The tendencies for sadomasochism are very complex. According to Dr. Vetleman, sadomasochism is paraphilia that can be contended with when it comes to severity, reasons, ceasing or moderating it.
"Many of my patients who exercise constant sadomasochism are from a high socioeconomic class," said Dr. Vetleman. "They work in the fields of medicine, law, architecture, and some are familiar to the Israeli society. Some implement their tendencies with their life partner; others look for partners in clubs or the internet.
"Sadomasochism sex in their view is elitist and sophisticated; any other sex is considered 'vanilla'. Sadomasochism has no affection, no kissing, no embracing and no compassion. There is the dominator and the dominated, the one who ties the rope and the one who gets tied. Lots of domination, whipping, burns, hot wax, gagging, chains, ropes, etc. On rare occasions there is death. When death occurs, it is not premeditated, but a 'work-related accident.'"
Is anyone emotionally susceptible to such sexual behavior?
"There is a distinct emotional aspect in sadomasochism. This is a drama containing chapters on, submission and obedience, cruelty and bondage, humiliation and total control, and pain causing elements stretched to limit. Those situations have liberating experience. If you are the one causing the pain, it releases your aggressive facet, which has no place during your daily routine. If you are the one being subdued, you absolutely surrender your limits. You test your anguish and humiliation space.
"On occasions, it takes you back to a familiar scene: It's amazing to find out in how many 'good families' sexual abuse, humiliation, and malevolence have taken place. People are captivated by re-enacting the hurt and the trauma that they have experienced at home. For example, even when a nine-years-old child masturbates in his room and his mother walks in on him and reprimand him 'you should be ashamed of yourself' – this could cause him to associate enjoyment with humiliation.
"At the same time, it's important to know that sadomasochism sexual behavior is based on predetermined, right-and-wrong rules of the game. The scene has a set of laws. Usually participants agree on a code word and when it is heard, the game ends."
How many Israelis are addicted the scene?
"Many. Some don’t dare to implement it in Israel and choose Amsterdam, New York, or Thailand. They testify that it drives their senses crazy. The humiliation, the bonding, and the danger release endorphins in the body, causing elation, similar to sports and chocolate. Among the addicts there are those attracted to sadomasochism because of disturbed personality, rooted in fixation on one of the earlier stages of development, but many of them simply exhibit high level of sexual openness. Once they were exposed to it, they were intellectually and sexually fascinated by it. It changed their routine."
Story first published by Israel's leading newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth
Sexual perversions. Need for variations in sex
Photo: Tomeriko
'Not a criminal offense'
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