Real-estate prices a myth

When I hear and read about building contractors' stories regarding the prices they get for their apartments in what has become known here as "upscale residential towers", I recall the advice that Yankele gave Moishele when the latter complained about some problem with his sexual performance.

"Why do you think your performance isn't that good?" Yankaee wondered. "Because my friends and acquaintances say they can satisfy their wives three or four times per night, while I barely do it once a week," Moishele replied. "Well then, there's no problem," Yankele said. "You should say the same thing."

So our contractors are spinning yarns. They talk about selling penthouses for millions of dollars in the high-rises they built and are still building at Tel Aviv's noisiest intersections, in terrible locations. They keep on talking and praising, yet it's still incomprehensible.

One high-rise neighborhood is being built at a Tel Aviv intersection of three busy roads, four crowded streets, and train tracks; it's hard to imagine a more problematic location with more problematic access. And what about the beach you ask? The scenery at those buildings is not even urban; it's mostly transportation.

Another colorful neighborhood of towers was built years ago near a Tel Aviv beach, yet the beach there is blocked and is not officially fit for swimming. Access to it is cumbersome and the entire area is mostly used for non-romantic encounters between prostitutes and their clients.

Now, the contractors are telling us about a new upscale building that is designed only for "high-tech people"; I can see the plot of land earmarked for the building from my study, which overlooks southeast Tel Aviv. It is located in a poor Tel Aviv neighborhood near an Electric Company facility and a parking lot for Tel Aviv municipal garbage trucks.

Tel Aviv more expensive than San Francisco?

You want more examples?  Last week we were told about yet another super-upscale building, with apartments there expected to cost as much as who-knows-how-many millions of dollars. Where? At the foot of Rothschild Boulevard in Tel Aviv – a location that is inconvenient and inaccessible, lacking public transportation, and in close proximity to the crumbling Shalom Tower, jammed Herzl Street, and noisy Carmel Market.

When Yitzhak Tshuva's Elad Group sold the most upscale penthouse at the renovated Plaza Hotel for $50 million, this was not surprising: The Plaza will be the most desired and snobbish address in the world's richest city. Yet paying $10 million for a penthouse near the Carmel Market? In the land of wars and terrorism?

The Pacific Heights neighborhood is one of the most sought-after locations in a particularly expensive real-estate town – San Francisco, California. At this time, there is a huge two-floor penthouse for sale there, with amazing 360-degree views of the ocean and Golden Gate Bridge, including stunning furnishing, a library, a giant balcony, and an entertainment room. The asking price: Only about $5 million.

Yet you mean to tell me the same amount is required to get a more modest penthouse near the train station and Halacha intersection in Tel Aviv? In Israel, a country facing war? Does anyone believe such real-estate prices?

It is architecturally nice and environmentally proper to build residential towers in Tel Aviv: They save expensive land, create a modern skyline, and ease the crowded conditions. But please spare us your urban legends, dear contractors.