So maybe you’ll dress up as a coffee maker?
Attention parents, Purim is not for you, but for your kids
1
I have made up my own Purim custom. Every few years and so, before the holiday, I beg parents: Let your children be. Leave them alone. There is nothing cute in the fact that as parents you try and put your baggage on your kids and their costumes. There is no reason your children have to suffer because you miss those arts and crafts classes or because you need to get rid of all the crepe paper and wigs you’ve saved all these years.
2
Already as a kid growing up in the Golan Heights I realized that this rush of creativity was weird. I came to understand it because of a family that always showed up with the most creative costumes around.
I will never forget the morning the entire world went to school in costume. The four siblings left together, the two oldest holding wooden poles to which a rod was attached so it looked like a goal post. There were ten ropes hanging from the rod. Two were tied very loosely to two of the brothers. The other eight dangling ropes had puppets attached to them. On top of the rod was a small sign which read ‘Haman’s 10 Sons’.
At first this was very impressive but once they were out of the house it became clear that they would be forced to march in unison during the holiday so that the dangling ropes wouldn’t get tangled with the puppets and collapse on its human support.
3
I stood at the door of my house dressed in my cowboy costume and took it all in. I watched how the children of the creative family dragged through the street on the way to the school bus, confused and disoriented. Throughout the school day, while other children were running around in their costumes, this family was forced to march in time as they attempted to get from place to place.
That was the day that I understood something is off center in all this creativity. If I remember correctly that was the day I decided to stop stuffing wet cotton balls up my nose, but that is another story.
4
Another year at the Purim Carnival, I watched a boy standing on the side of the festivities with tubes coming out all over his body. He told me he was dressed as the national water carrier.
It was only when I arrived home I understood that the kid was not standing on the sidelines in order to talk to me. His costume kept getting tangled up in the fence so he couldn’t move. I wouldn’t be surprised if the kid hasn’t budged. Let’s see he’d be about 30 year old now and he’s probably asking himself if winning first prize in the costume competition was worth wasting his life.
5
Parents don’t look for innovation. Don’t try to be clever. There will come an age when the kids will ask to color their hair like punk rockers do. It happens around eighth grade. Let them. It’s okay. At that age I tried to dress up as a pregnant woman and the entire holiday I spent struggling to keep the pillow under my dress from falling out. I spent the whole of Purim waddling around like a woman who is ten months pregnant with twins.
6
Parents, keep it simple because anything else creates problems. Learn from others: One of my friends decided to dress up as an Indian, at a time when cowboy costumes were the rage. He got to class to discover there were 26 cowboys and one little Indian. All we did was play catch the Indian the entire day. I wouldn’t be surprised if the guy still cowers when he gets close to the school. It’s time to rescue him as part of a wider campaign including the poor kid dressed as the national water carrier.
7
Dear Parents, never buy your children scary masks that will frighten other children away. This includes disgusting marks too: One of the children in my class was dressed as a pimple, as if he didn’t have enough of them all year long. He painted his face red and from time to time would spit mayonnaise.
Gotta arrest parents who would allow these kinds of things. They need to be taken into custody by the good taste police and heavily fined. I still remember how his mom yelled at him that she would never forgive him for the fact that he finished all the mayonnaise. Good grief, I thought. Your son dresses up like a pimple and all you complain about is that he used up the mayonnaise.
8
There were children who put on masks and would not reveal their identity the entire holiday. There was one boy like that in our class. I remember how we chased him. We asked him how he got so tall, became bald and who glued the hairs to his chest. We bugged him so much that the headmaster came and ordered us to stop bothering the school janitor.
9
Dear Parents, don’t spend a lot of money on the costumes you like but don’t interest the children. Don’t dress the child in fussy costumes. If it calls for hot weather, don’t put the child in a lion’s suit and if it’s going to be cold put on a jacket even if it means covering up grandma’s custom made costume.
Don’t force the child to wear the costume the entire holiday and don’t smother him with the makeup. If it’s a girl and she wants to be Snow White, there is no need to attach seven dwarfs to her dress. And if it’s a boy, it doesn’t matter how he dresses up, give him a toy gun and caps so that he won’t feel left out when the entire class plays war games.
10
And finally, a heartfelt appeal: Don’t be overly creative particularly if you live in the Etzion block. It will help my son win the costume contest this year. He has dressed up as a chessboard. othing complicated by the way. A dressmaker in Dimona assembled the chess pieces. We bought a marble slab in Bethlehem. The boy is going to be towed to school in the morning. Everything is arranged. He’ll enter the classroom from the roof through the emergency doors.
Good God
The president is suspended, the Chief of Staff has resigned, the justice minister has been replaced, and even the latest CD from Ninette is controversial. Is it me young Mr. Daum, or is everything down there in total chaos?
