Iran's new president-elect, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, raised eyebrows in the international community today by claiming that his nation is building what he called "the most peaceful nuclear weapon ever."
In a press briefing in Tehran, Ahmadinejad acknowledged for the first time that Iran was in fact building a nuclear weapon, but pooh-poohed any talk of Iran being a threat to its neighbors, telling reporters, "The nuclear bomb we are currently building is for display purposes only."
Ahmadinejad said that it was his hope that in building the world's most peaceful nuclear weapon, other nations in the region and around the world would build totally peaceful nuclear weapons of their own.
But the Iranian president-elect's claims about the peacefulness of his nuclear weapon drew a somewhat skeptical response from International Atomic Energy Agency chief Mohamed ElBaradei, who told reporters that he had seen Iran's nuclear weapon and noticed that it was "hooked up to a countdown clock like you see in James Bond movies."
The IAEA chief added, "Also, it was attached to a little box with a red button on it - what's that all about?"
'Red a happy color'
In response to ElBaradei's question, Ahmadinejad said, "A little red button is nothing to worry about. Red is a happy color."
In Washington, President George W. Bush criticized Ahmadinejad's nuclear policy and also complained that "Ahmadinejad" was "nearly impossible to spell."
Elsewhere, in his most gloomy assessment to date, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the insurgency in Iraq could last longer than Cher's Farewell Tour.
Reprinted by permission of The Borowitz Report.
Read more of Andy's "shockers" daily at www.borowitzreport.com
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