Oy Vey! I've got the flu

1

It is a well established fact (for Jews) that viruses and germs are not the real causes for falling ill. The real causes are: One, going outside without your sweater on even though I told you so, and two: Guilt.

2

Jews have 236 more illnesses than gentiles. Most are not yet known to modern medicine.

3

Most Jews treat their doctor like God: Meaning – they fear and respect him on one side, but blame him for everything that happens to them on the other.

4

There are no small illnesses, only unimaginative people. Sore throat? Probably severe pneumonia. Head hurts? Tumor. Fingers twitching? Heart attack. Fever? Better call the lawyer, time to write your will.

5

The hospital is the Temple Mount of sick Jews. You can see them sitting on one of the beds in the ER, gleaming with pride while an entire medical team is hovering above them. I made it big time, I'm officially "A PATIENT", they mutter to themselves. Later, recalling the event (a miniature kidney stone), all sentences will start like this: "You know, having just come out of the hospital, I think…"

6

Every Jewish mother dreams her son would become a doctor, so she could boast about his career to her friends & family, but humiliate him whenever he comes to dinner ("Flu? Pshah! What do you doctors know. For this I paid thousands of dollars? Why didn't you become a lawyer, like Gideon's son? Now that's a profession…")

7

Jewish women tend to be less sick than men, but complain more about "feeling" sick. Hence the famous saying: "For years she was ill, always in bed. Oh, how she suffered, the poor thing… And then he died".