Are Israelis going Arab?

I love the Israeli press. Nowhere else can an argument spin so fast and yet still remain standing.

For example, the Israelis have been having this big debate about whether they did or did not "win" the Lebanon war against Hizbullah. The argument is reflected in a very sophisticated Israeli process called "the evolution of thought."

Clearly, most Israelis must have believed they lost the war with Hizbullah. They never destroyed Hizbullah or killed its leader Hassan Nasrallah.

It’s reflected in polls that show Ehud Olmert's approval rating dropping in the polls. One poll showed him at 2 percent. Plus or minus 5 percentage points.

Olmert’s popularity could actually be under zero, given the "plus or minus."

But then the Israelis realized that admitting defeat is so un-Jewish-like. So there was this big counter push arguing Israel "won" the war in Lebanon.

Now the debate seems to have found – through evolution of thought – a solid platform on which to rest its moral authority. Branding.

Israelis started to come up with new ways to describe the war in a positive way:

A) A victorious retreat.

B) We returned home as heroes.

C) We left Lebanon, but we didn’t run!

D) The Lebanese, they don’t exist.

E) Hizbullah isn’t a real army, they are terrorists. You can’t lose a war to terrorists.

F) It didn’t happen. It was all Lebanese media propaganda and reality has a known pro-Palestinian bias.

But it puts them in more denial than the Arab World. It’s also so unusually "Arab-like" for the Israelis.

Israelis now argue they did win the Lebanon war, if you divide the war into time frames, in much the same way President Bush claimed he won the Iraq war.

Some Israelis were disappointed Olmert didn’t don a military flight jacket, stand on a battleship and declare, like Bush, "Mission accomplished." Israelis are also now referring to the Lebanon War as "the second war." At least that is where everyone seems to be headed in the Winograd Commission.

I thought the first war was really an occupation. And I thought Israelis argue that an occupation is not really a war at all, otherwise, that thought could impact how they spin the occupation of the West Bank, East Jerusalem, and non-occupation-occupation of the Gaza Strip, which is occupied without being occupied.

So, is this Lebanon War the second war? Or was it all just a scuffle? Using the term "war" suggests Hizbullah is actually more than just a rogue militia blowing smoke in the sheesha bars in the South of Beirut.

Bad news and good news

The whole issue of branding also has impacted how we view the past wars.

The Six-Day War, which is approaching the 40 year anniversary, really set the benchmark for timetables in the context of the Middle East.

I remember when my dad first sat me down as a kid to explain the facts of "Arab Life" to me.

He said, "Ray, you are an Arab."

Wow. I didn’t know that.

Being an Arab, he continued, means there is good news and bad news. The bad news is I have a nose so large I can’t just use a handkerchief to blow my nose, he explained. I have to use a towel. And since a towel is too big to fit in my back pocket…

I interrupted Baba trying to show him I was smart, and said, "that means I have to wear it on my head, right Baba?"

Right, he said.

"But the other bad news," he said, "is that being an Arab means you are going to get your butt kicked repeatedly …" Dad paused and took a deep breath, and continued the sentence with a deep sigh, "by the Jews."

"The Jews?" I asked surprised. "I thought those were the people who were beat up by everyone? They’re going to beat us up?"

Yes, Baba explained. "And, worse. They will do it in less than six days. Real humiliation," he said.

Wow, I thought. That is bad news. But then I asked, "Well Baba, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?"

"Well," dad said, "The Good news is that when the Jews kick your butt and it takes longer than six days to do it, you’re going to feel like you won."

Hmmmm. Maybe Olmert is an Arab after all?

Ray Hanania is an award winning columnist, author and standup comedian. He can be reached at www.hanania.com