Lapid’s New Year’s resolutions

Yair Lapid suggests Jewish New Year resolutions for Barak, Netanyahu, Amos Oz and others

Reuters | Published: 09.12.10, 10:59

New Year’s Resolutions:

Get off stage. Do it the way I did things when I was still the commander of the IDF’s elite commando unit – at the time that’s right for me and on my terms, before all these dwarfs kick me out. Remind the public that I’m 69-years-old already, and that I dedicated most of my life to the State of Israel. Go away quietly, in a dignified manner, and start thinking about the possibility of being elected as our next president.

(Ehud Barak, Defense Minister)

Try not to ignite the Middle East.

(Nir Barkat, Jerusalem Mayor)

Openly stand by kindergarten teachers today, and declare that we cannot have them making so little money. Embark on war over the wage gaps between men and women. Instead of asking to testify before the Turkel Commission on the Turkish flotilla, organize a convention about violence against women. Stop listening to all the advisors who tell me to stay away from women’s issues.

(Tzipi Livni, Opposition Leader)

Summon top settler leaders to my office and tell them: “Let’s not repeat the terrible mistake we made in handling the Gush Katif evacuees. We need to start talking, now already, about where your people shall be moving to, and how to hurt them as little as possible.

(Benjamin Netanyahu, Prime Minister)

Deliver an incisive speech and say: “If an Israeli has to wait for four years to hear the verdict in a lawsuit filed against his neighbor, he will never believe us when we talk about justice.”