This is not the Israel I grew up in

I was born in Jerusalem to a secular family, served in a combat duty and later completed an engineering degree at the Technion. Just over two years ago doctor my-wife and I came to Boston as part of the Israeli “brain drain” and we are now living comfortably with other Israeli post-docs, reading Israeli newspapers and keeping close contact with the homeland.

Financially, our wages put us in the Israeli upper middle class. I’m making a good living now and hope to do much better in the future. I’m also 34 years old without significant savings or any hope to be able to afford an apartment in Israel for the foreseeable future. There’s no comparing our standard of living in Boston, especially for kids, to what we had back home and I refuse to calculate the gap in 10 years because the return is getting harder to imagine as it is. Honestly, I never thought there would even be a dilemma.

After all, we came to America for the experience and the education. Anyone that ever read the special supplements to the Israeli Independence Day newspapers can clearly understand why I cannot see myself living anywhere but in the most dysfunctional state of the western world. Yet, something in the basic solidarity is starting to crack. It’s no longer obvious that the country I’ll be bringing my son back to is the same one grew up in and that it sanctifies the values I am still willing to give my life for. You are probably thinking: “What gives you the right to be writing these words?” Take a deep breath. Exhale. Calm down.

The honest truth is that actually, you really want us back. If there one thing clear, it is that my family represents the holy grail in any future demographics. The problem is that I’ve already past most of the significant barriers for staying in Boston and now I have demands. To be blunt, I won’t be made a sucker.

I will not have my children serve in a “Kosher” army. I remember myself shining the shoes for the guy sharing my tent, while he puts on tefilin because he was a friend and he asked politely. I will not have my son risk his life in an army that looks like religious boy scouts where the most significant elements of the education come from the military Rabbinate. I will not have my daughter drafted by law to be a second class soldier. I see no reason why she cannot be a pilot, a combat soldier or a singer and if someone can’t bear to see a women’s elbow without losing his mind, he can either drink some baking soda or be thrown in jail.

Speaking of crazy, what about all those religious nationalists settlers that aren’t sure who’s orders to follow but spend a significant portion of their three year mandatory military service in the Yeshiva while the seculars are watching over them in the occupied territories? Does anyone here lack the understanding that my family will not be cannon fodder in God’s army?

I want to work hard and live well, I will not pick up the check for everyone. I can’t understand why half the country doesn’t pay taxes and drives luxury cars, can’t understand why tycoons take risks with my money and expect debt forgiveness and can’t understand why a harbor worker earns more than a university researcher. If a group of individuals wish to walk around in Polish 14th century clothing and education, I’m fine with that, but why do I get the bill? Go visit New York and learn something. The Trachtenberg committee made recommendations after half a million people took to the streets, what did happen with that?

Mostly, I want to know that someone has a plan and that they have my well-being in mind when they make it. It might be selfish, but aside from family and friends, the main reason to come back home is that it is the only place that observes the way of life I wish to maintain. Those complicated sets of behavior, ideals and secular egalitarian values that disregard religion, creed or gender are the ones I was educated on and in light of. If we compare the Jerusalem of my childhood in the 80’s to how it looks now and cast that on the Israeli state in 30 years, I will not want to live in that place. By the way, almost none of my friends still live in the city we grew up in and now even if someone wishes to come back, there’s nothing to return to.

Let’s finish with discussing anti-Semitism. I have no delusions, it is cold out there. But the vision of the secular journalist Herzl was a progressive state and not living in a bomb shelter in fear of who is lurking outside and what they might do. Do decision makers really want the citizens to stay because they are afraid to leave? Because they have no other choice? How long can that model be viable?

Let’s make it very clear for anyone that still doesn’t understand: The next time that the Israeli secular middle class will go out to demonstrate again it won’t be in Tel Aviv, it will be in New York, San Francisco, London and Berlin.

Roy Sorek is a married father currently living and working in Boston

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