Flowers laid for Shira Banki at 2016 Jerusalem Pride
Photo: AP
When mutual understanding is unattainable, silence is golden
Op-ed: Rabbis and the LGBT community have taken a few days off from yelling at each other; the real source of their quarrels is that they're not speaking the same language; they can't learn each others', so it's better if they just stop trying.
Shhhhhh. What a pleasant silence. It's been a few whole days since rabbis and LGBT people have fought. With the support of this calming silence, I'll try to offer a different voice.
Debate and disagreement are necessary to build a healthy society, but the debate that has been going on here in recent weeks around LGBT issues is a debate amongst the deaf. A small anecdote proves this.
"I'm your comrade-in-arms," said Michael Schlissel on the phone to his brother, Yishai (who murdered 16-year-old Shira Banki in 2015), using an obscure Aramaic word. The police, who were listening to the Schlissels' conversation—Yishai is serving a life sentence in prison—rushed to arrest the un-incarcerated brother before the Pride march in Jerusalem.
However, the actual meaning of that Talmudic phrase is not "comrade-in-arms," (It's a false cognate.) but rather "opponent," meaning that he disagreed with his brother.
Jerusalem Pride 2016 (Photo: EPA)
It's not just the ultra-Orthodox who are speaking the language of the past; so are many religious people. Certainly rabbis of the National Zionist stream do—take Rabbi Yigal Levinstein as an example. When Levinstein says "perverts," (the same word as "deviants"), he sees in his head the Biblical prohibition on gay male sex. Whoever doesn't toe the line, in accordance with the obligations that God set, is deviating from the true path—from the norm.
The average Israeli ear, however, hears in the word "perverts" or "deviants" something else entirely. The meaning is a sexual deviant, somebody who harms other people, and maybe even minors. That ear is not capable of understanding how one could call two adults who share love and attraction "perverts."
In the language of the present, it is the right of the individual to choose their own path, so long as they don't harm anybody else. In the language of the past, it is the obligation of the individual to carry out the orders of God. The inability to understand that these are different languages, based on opposing values, causes people to mistakenly think that they can change the other group's position.
Jerusalem Pride 2016: 'Love your neighor as yourself' (Photo: Gil Yohanan)
The rabbis think that they will prove to LGBT people their sins, that they'll evoke in them feelings of religiosity. But their admonishments do just the opposite.
LGBT people insist that the rabbis recognize them and cancel a clear Torah prohibition. The Dark Ages have passed, they say. Your prohibitions are appropriate for days past; evolve. Unsurprisingly, this insistence does just the opposite.
Few rabbis speak the two languages and are capable of remaining faithful to God's law and also express a tender message of inclusion to LGBT people. They're a minority of a minority who walk a tightrope, step by step, and who are likely to fall to the abyss at any moment.
Most of the public can't speak the two languages. They just need to understand that they don't understand. Just recognize that they don't understand the others' language, and the others don't understand their language.
When the LGBT community demands recognition from the rabbis, they're speaking in Chinese to Hebrew-speakers. It doesn't matter how much they yell or detail their arguments—there's no chance that they'll be understood. So it's better to be quiet.
When the rabbinical community yells against the phenomenon of LGBT people, they're speaking Hebrew to Chinese-speakers. It doesn't matter how much they yell or detail their arguments—there's no chance that they'll be understood. So it's better to be quiet.
This mutual silence is better and more pleasant for both opponents.
