Photo: AP
Settlers will encounter Israeli version of ADD, Ray Hanania says
Photo: AP

Gaza pullout a sinister Palestinian plot

New life promised to Gaza settlers will be anything but idyllic

The deal Prime Minister Ariel Sharon is offering Gaza’s settlers to leave their homes may sound like a dream come true, but it’s not.


Not the USD 300,000 per family or the pristine beachfront at Nitzanim near Ashkelon can make up for the hardships the settlers are about to endure and the confusion it will cause Palestinians.


Life for the settlers will change way beyond the religious principles they claim they are fighting to preserve. And, they are going to experience a new form of sickness, an Israeli version of Attention Deficit Disorder.


Once evacuated and out of the limelight of the media and world activists, the Gaza Settlers will find themselves crowded around little tables in cigar-filled halls squinting as their eyesight fails them trying to see the numbers on the big board of life.


And from behind, someone else will be the only one yelling, “Bingo!”


There will be other discomforts, like paying taxes on profits from the money they receive. They won’t have the bodyguards, either, the thousands of Israeli soldiers paid for courtesy of the Israeli taxpayers sent to protect them.


You can forget about the media attention.


Nitzanim as a Miami retirement complex


The fact is, the life they have been promised will be anything but idyllic. Worse, living on a beachfront is no lifestyle at all. Anyone who has been on a vacation to a beachfront resort knows what I am talking about.


In order to enjoy a beachfront, you have to fight for it, day in and day out, without letting up; non-stop confrontation, arguments, envy - and unhappiness because someone else got the best spot.


If you want to get a good spot along the pool or by the beach, you had better get up before dawn to reserve a chair. Pretty soon, you don’t go to sleep. You stay up all night worrying. And before you know it, the leisurely beachfront lifestyle you thought you were going to enjoy turns into a Miami Beach hell!


You will be sitting up in the middle of the night screaming in your sleep, “Did she call out B-9 or was it B-19?”


And while you are straining to see if you heard the number right, your kids will be plotting to take away your riches.


What’s Nitzanim anyway but an Israeli version of a Miami Beach retirement complex?


That’s not to even mention the troubles all this is going to cause for the Palestinians.


Palestinians will never recognize the real gain in taking back the barren desert sands of these Israeli settlements.


For example, by paying off the settlers, Israel has just created a benchmark from which the Palestinians refugees can start demanding compensation?


Hamas already celebrating


Of course, Palestinian refugees are not permitted to demand things like compensation. Their leaders won’t allow it. Jeez! Imagine if they ever settled the refugee problem, a whole lot of Palestinian activists would be out of jobs along with the settlers.


The Palestinians have only one concern in life: one-upping the Israelis. The Israelis kill a Palestinian, and the Palestinians blow themselves up. The Israelis evacuate 9,000 settlers, and the Palestinians replace them with 250,000 Arabs. That makes the Palestinians 25 times better than the Israelis!


Actually, that’s if you compare it by numbers of people. If you compare it by number of families, the 2,800 Israeli families will be replaced by 2,800 Palestinian families who happen to have 25 times more kids.


Hamas is already celebrating their “great victory” against the Yehude and all the rest of the Infidels.


They’re already sewing green material into banners and flags adorned with the Kaleema, just to remind the Christian Palestinians that Sunday always follows Saturday.


They’re going to have parades that will feature longwinded speeches (very long) filled with a lot of popular slogans and rhetoric like, “Even if Jewish soldiers threw the Jewish settlers out, the enemy of my enemy is not my friend! We’ll claim it as our own victory!”


The celebrations will definitely not include Bingo, which, according to the Hamas interpretation of the Quran, is a Zionist gambling plot imported to Palestine in 1922 from Miami Beach.


The really sad part is that nothing is really going to change. Not the rhetoric. Not the failure of both sides to return to serious negotiations to compromise. Not even the growing pessimism nor the dwindling hopes that the conflict might end.


Most Israelis and Palestinians will be too busy hating each other to understand any of that.


פרסום ראשון: 07.12.05, 12:01
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