Is he friend or boyfriend?
My usual advice is to go for it, because living with 'what if's is hell! I'm not telling you to wait forever or anything like that, just maybe hang out with him a lot more see if you think it would work out. Also can you face the consequences if it doesn't?
Q: There is this boy I've known and loved all my life. He's a friend of the family. I'm pretty sure he has feelings for me, too, but every time we see each other nothing really happens and we don't see each other often enough. Because of him I won't go out with anyone else and find it impossible to like anyone else. We have this mutual friend who supposedly likes me and the three of us have been called "the three musketeers." If two of us went out, the other might be uncomfortable. But I love this guy and our parents kid around about us getting married but I'm hopeful. What should I do ?
A: Well, you said that you do not get to see him often enough. Is this because he lives far away, or is it something you could change, by say, calling him up and asking him to do things with you more often?
It would be good if you got to see him more also, because right now you hink he is "perfect" (for you anyway right?), but before crossing over the line of friendship (since he's been a family friend for so long) maybe you ought to think about this a little bit more heavily.
My usual advice is to go for it, because living with "what if"s is hell! I'm not telling you to wait forever or anything like that, just maybe hang out with him a lot more see if you think it would work out. Also can you face the consequences if it doesn't? Say that you do go out with him, and things do not work out....
Are you willing to give up this great friendship if you have a bad breakup? Once the line is crossed, it can be hard to bring things back to a great friendship level.
But, the main thing is, after weighing consequences, do what you feel is right. The only way to know how he feels is to ask him. You seem to be getting pretty good vibes that these feelings are mutual, so if you feel it's right, 'fess up that you like him, and ask if he feels the same.
About the 3rd musketeer who also likes you: Well, life is full of hard breaks, and it's awful to break someone's heart or to get your heart broken. Keep his feelings in mind, but you can't let him stop you from being with who you truly love. He may just have an innocent crush on you and be happy that things worked out between you two.
But you'll also have to be prepared for the other side of that coin. Maybe the friendship with him will be hurt by it. It happens. Keep that in mind when weighing out the consequences, and act according to your priorities. As the saying goes: You can't please everyone, sometimes you've just got to please yourself.
Q: I am not to supposed be dating and I am head over heels for this one guy, that I was thinking about the summer (meaning going to try to date during summer.) Well, I tried to ask my mom when I could date and I was told 18. My older brother dated at 16. I am 15 now. How can I get my parents to lighten my dating sentence?
A: It seems that there are a lot of double standards when it comes to men vs. women. Parents seem to be much more concerned about their daughters dating than they are about their sons, and I'm not sure why this is. Maybe a fear that they're daughters can't protect themselves if something happens, that girls are more vulnerable, that they are more likely to get into trouble, or whatever the reason may be, it still seems unfair.
The best way that I can think of is to try to earn your mom's trust. Let her know that you are mature enough to deal with this. Start by explaining to her how important this is to you. Maybe this can best be done in a letter so that it doesn't set off an argument immediately. Ask her what her fears are about you dating and try to address them. It can take awhile to earn her trust, but persistence pays off (and this is very different from nagging.)
Explain to her that there's a boy you are interested in, and can he come over and watch a movie while your mom's there? Try to start small. Maybe by the time you are 16 she'll let you go on "group dates" where you are with a mixed group of friends and not just alone with a guy. Take whatever chance she gives you to prove your trust. Sneaking around behind her back or doing more than she limits is not a way to gain trust. If she catches you it will only increase her worries and fears.
Erin answers questions on teen and young adult relationships for Whole Family. Reprinted by permission
