Channels
Photo: AP
Talking to God? President Bush
Photo: AP

Bush gets punch lines from God

Did God speak to Bush because he felt sorry for him?

Does God really have the time to talk to us mortals?

 

According to President Bush, he does. In fact, Bush says God told him to invade Iraq.

 

According to the BBC, which seems to have a clearer signal to God-related stories, God also told Bush to invade Afghanistan and to also create a Palestinian State.

 

Wow.

It's not as unusual as one might think. Apparently, God speaks to many people.

 

Over the years, a lot of people claim that they have received their marching orders directly from God himself.

 

Moses and Abraham each had conversations with God. Well, maybe not conversations but God entrusted some very important missions with each.

 

A few less prophet-like people have also had conversations with God that were cited in the defense of their actions.

 

Iranian construction worker Saeed Hanaei (no relation to me) said he murdered 19 women he claimed were prostitutes on orders from God. He strangled each victim with a Hijab, on a Sunday. Captured in July 2001, the neighbors surrounded his home chanting, "Hanaei, the killer of corrupt people, we support you."

 

There was the Televangelist who had sex with women other than his wife. The women said God made them do it. He was convicted of embezzling money.

 

Long ago on American television, we used to have a comedian who hosted a show and dressed like a woman who would use the line “The Devil made me do it.” He became very rich and famous.

 

There is a group of three American comedians who assert God made them funny, although the concern isn’t the part about God. The trio consists of two American Black Muslim members of the Nation of Islam and one Indian Muslim.

 

When you see their bearded, shaggy look, you might conclude, “I don’t know if God made you funny. But he sure made you funny looking.”

 

And in the movie “The Blues Brothers,” Elwood Blues (played by actor Dan Aykroyd) explained to people shocked by their occasionally destructive antics, “We are on a mission from God.”

 

At a university, according to one story, a professor who is an Atheist told his students he would prove there is no God. Standing at his lectern, he announced that if there was a God, God should knock him down. He gave God 15 minutes to do it.

 

The students didn’t have to wait long. Within minutes, a student who was a U.S. Marine punched the professor in the face, knocking him down and unconscious for several minutes.

 

When the professor woke, he yelled, “Why did you do that?”

 

The Marine responded, “God was busy. He sent me.”

 

The student was charged and dismissed from college and he also received a dishonorable discharge from the Marines.

 

Let’s just assume God did all these things.

 

Sometimes the problem isn’t that God spoke to anyone at all. It’s that sometimes, he might be a little too careless about whom he speaks with, as exemplified in this old Jewish joke.

 

God told Moses to take his people to the Promised Land. But had God told Moses’ wife to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt, it wouldn’t have taken the Hebrews 40 years to get there. Mrs. Moses would have stopped to ask for directions. Men don’t.

 

Of course, had God chosen a woman, the Hebrews would still be in Egypt waiting for her to get ready for the trip. Too much packing and make-up. The hair! And, what to wear?

 

Still, I’m wondering if God spoke to Bush out of respect or because he felt sorry for him.

 

God: “George. This is God.”

Bush: “Oh my. It’s true. There are side effects to drug use.”

God: “No George. It’s not about drugs.”

Bush: “Ah. I’m sorry. I’ll give those votes back.”

God: “It’s not about stealing the election.”

Bush: “I’ll apologize to Dan Rather. His documents were forgeries but he’s right. I used daddy’s clout to avoid service in the Vietnam War and I hid out at a Reserve base."

God: “Jeeeeeesus! … George. I am God. And I have something important to tell you. I want you to invade Iraq.”

Bush: “I get it. Cheney? Cheney? Where are you hiding? Boy, God made you funny. You’ve been wanting me to invade Iraq since you convinced daddy to put you in charge of my White House. Where you hiding?”

God: “Sigh!”

 

Ray Hanania writes for Ynetnews.com on issues that are serious, satirical and humorous. He can be reached at www.hanania.com

 


פרסום ראשון: 10.14.05, 09:18
 new comment
See all talkbacks "Bush gets punch lines from God"
Warning:
This will delete your current comment