The question makes me laugh. Because we settlers, now refugees from Gush Katif, we were Ariel Sharon's biggest supporters. We were his biggest concern, more than anything.
We came, cried, shouted, asked and pleaded with him not to do it, not to evict Jews from their homes, not to give the Land of Israel to our enemies, to our murderers.
We told him, and everyone else, that things would wind up badly for anyone touching the Land of Israel. We warned him, we did all we could – but he refused to listen.
So now you tell me I'm happy that he's fighting for his life in hospital? God forbid…
10,000 lives destroyed
There is something else bothering me. When Ariel Sharon forced us out of our homes, when the lives of 10,000 people were destroyed, when a resident of Netzer Hazani died of a heart attack, the direct result of the expulsion – then, he wasn't so concerned.
When a neighbor of mine was hospitalized and treated for shock due to chest pressure – did anyone come to visit? Did anyone care? No one!!!
I want to make a distinction: Ariel Sharon as a human being and Ariel Sharon as prime minister. As a human being I feel like I would feel about any other Jew whose life is in danger, and I wish him a full and speedy recovery.
But as prime minister, I cannot tell a lie and say that I hope he returns to work as prime minister, because I truly do not want that to happen. Because he was planning to do to even more Jews the same thing he's already done to more than 1,000 families.
And I truly hope that his plans do not come to fruition, that no Jew is ever expelled from our land again, from his home and community. I don't wish the suffering I endure every minute of every hour of every day – the constant pains of missing home, the tremendous pain in my heart that only gets stronger by the day, my desire to be a regular kid, with a normal home (not one made of cardboard, filled with water in winter…), with the amazing community in which I grew up.
'I've prayed enough'
And to all who responded to my journal, to all those who dismissed my prayers and my faith: You would be well advised to think before you laugh and sneer. Try to feel what I'm feeling … and don't pass judgment on other people until you've walked a mile in their shoes.
Now everyone is praying, hoping and believing that Ariel Sharon will bounce back from his critical condition. Because in tough moments, all of a sudden everyone turns to God, because He alone decides the fate and judgment of all men. And deep down, you know it.
So, sorry, but I'm not praying for him now. I've prayed enough – all summer long.