Dating success

There’s a popular dating book in the religious world called “Talking Tachlis.” Tachlis, meaning bottom-line, is all about what to look for in a prospective spouse and the techniques that will get you to the real bottom line - marriage. 

Yep, bottom line, a date is the entrance ticket to the voyage of marriage. Not all ships are setting sail, but honey you ain’t going nowhere if you don’t buy a ticket. 

It’s a scary prospect and something many of us don’t like to admit, even to ourselves. But we don’t go on dates because we can’t afford to buy our own coffee. We go on dates to meet potential life partners. 

In an effort to mask this monstrous goal, we sometimes float adrift in defining dating success. 

Racking up numbers 

Everyone has that friend who is an unabashed dating machine - guys who set up three different JDates over the course of any given week, girls who have been on over 500 dates, with no successful relationships to show for the effort. 

These people are simply racking up numbers. I sometimes wonder if they haven’t somehow lost the plot and now date simply for the sake of dating more and more people. Can you really stop and invest interest in another person, when you are conducting dozens of similar interactions consecutively?

There is no point in being jealous of people who get lots of dates. I have a friend who married the first man she seriously dated, at the age of 32. Sure she missed out on lots of experiences, but she also didn’t waste her time on too many meaningless interactions. 

After a first date, friends, family and anyone in between will often ask, “Nu, so how long was the date?” The length of the date is not a measure of its success. I personally prefer shorter interactions, definitely no more than three hours. It’s not a marathon. Six hours doesn’t make it a successful date unless you end up going out again, and again. I’d rather meet, enjoy and continue at another time and venue. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is a life partnership. 

It's in his kiss 

Another misconstrued measure of first dating success is the kiss. “So, did he kiss you at the end?” Personally I’m rarely that drawn to an individual to feel compelled to kiss him after a first encounter. All and all we had a few laughs, a glass of wine, maybe even two. If we liked each other, we’ll meet again. If not, there’s no need to go ahead and swap saliva. A good night kiss or grope will not make the difference here. The goal is not a snog. You can go clubbing for that. 

Now if you’re not like 95 percent of us women, or happen to be male, your priorities might be different. If that’s the case, you’ll want to make that clear from the get-go. Otherwise, by date number three you can be pretty sure she’ll be picking out bridal gowns if not baby names.