Tal Eitan
ארכיון
Someone to run with
There's something special in the process of building up a relationship. I'm not that kind of guy. I feel the butterflies in my stomach during the first date, the wedding proposal arrives in the third date, and a tearful breakup comes after three months. Relationships in fast mode
I always wanted to be one of those who can "build up" things. Those who meet someone without being sure that "this is the one," go to several dates, and suddenly begin to feel something. Those who can wait two months or even three before they decide that this is the one they want to live with.
There's something peaceful in building up a relationship, getting to know the guy and developing feelings towards him. This way you know that you're falling for the right one, for the right reasons. Not because his eyes remind you of your ex, or because his intelligence is the horniest thing on earth, but because of all of that, with some extra stuff that you can't find out in the beginning. It's great in theory, but in reality it doesn’t always work.
As for myself, I'm part of a different school: Those who fall easily (and get burned in the end). The years, and the successful dates that ended with miserable short relationships, did improve my long-distance running capabilities, and yet, I have to hear that annoying "click," that always comes at the wrong moment, with the wrong guy.
"You're always falling for those who don't suit you," my friends claim, but that doesn’t help. If I don’t get an electric shock during the first two weeks, the relationship is doomed.
Caution! You might get carried away
Everybody tries to explain why it's happening to me. "You're addicted to the excitement," "you can’t postpone satisfactions," and "you're a victim of romantic comedies" are part of the explanations I get to hear time and time again.
I know that a marathon starts slowly while sprints, as fun as they may be, are very exhausting. But it doesn't help. I always find myself in a crazy race with an expected end.
If you ever spent some time alone, either by choice or by must, you know how easy it is to get carried away into a relationship that fulfills the intimacy dream. You know how easy it is to suggest (with a serious laugh) to move in together after the fifth date, how pleasant it is to feel the butterflies in your stomach during the second week, and to say "I love you" after a great first time, when even your neighbors need to light a cigarette.
A few months ago, after one of these relationships came to an end, I realized that this instant intimacy causes a very unhealthy need to have someone by your side. I've never searched for my other half, because I always felt whole. And still, I do have the need to fall a sleep with someone and wake up with him in the morning, to share the happiest and saddest moments with him, to love and cherish him while knowing that he does the same.
You probably know the feeling: You want the togetherness, even when the best thing that you can ask for yourself right now is to be alone.
Maybe it's not him, maybe it's not me
But this need, I figured out, cannot be fulfilled in a moment. That speed destroyed some great opportunities that I had to meet people who could have been major partners in my life. And it wasn't only once that I turned around in my bed, thinking that it might be a mistake to want so much, so fast. I got carried away into soap bubbles splashing on my face and burning my eyes. Maybe it's not him or me; maybe it’s the circumstances that prevented it all from being.
And yet, time after time again I find myself in the same situation, of a speedy sprint when two guys are enthusiastic about each other at the beginning, but can't stand each other after a month or two. I try to be more aware of it, try and push the brakes when I see that we're running, or at least I try to let him control the pace. But when we both run, it turns into a snowball. He's fun, delightful, exciting and charming – but at the end he leaves you with a broken heart and disappointment for what could have happened, but didn't.
The solution, of course, is in the balance, but this middle is so airy and sneaky, and I have a hard time finding it. So I try to take a long breath and be patient, to promise myself that this time I will let things build up slowly. But it's about time to face the truth: It's not really working.
