God must be leftist

Rightists getting it wrong when they explain why God punishes Israeli politicians

B. Michael|Published: 05.13.08 , 09:59

There is no doubt that as we speak, word processors are in action at Kabbalist dens across the country, while holy quill pens are hopping on parchments, and soon the message will be disseminated at synagogues and religious-Zionist communities: The latest trouble that has befallen Ehud Olmert is the work of God. The prime minister is being punished for sinning against our holy country; for daring to pursue peace.

After all, this is what happened when Ehud Barak was ousted, when Ariel Sharon went into a coma, when Haim Ramon was found guilty at court, and when Dan Halutz resigned as IDF chief of staff. Each one of them was honored with a celebratory proclamation signed by important and well-known rabbis, declaring that they were hit by the “disengagement curse” and punished by God.

We can therefore say that paganism is certainly on a roll. On the other hand, when such important rabbis grant their approval to witchcraft, who am I to doubt them? On the contrary, I shall accept their foolishness and from now on I shall not be questioning the power of God’s hand.

However, even though I now wholeheartedly agree with the principle that God is an obedient and vengeful politician, I am not completely in agreement with the religious-Zionist interpretation of His deeds.

These rabbis and their followers insist on turning God into an idiot. That is, they imply that He is not only the commander of the rabbinical high command’s surgical strike unit, but also completely gullible, a fool who buys into every spin and every bluff by every politician.

I, on the other hand, happen to think that God is rather clever. He is not easily tricked.

Let’s start with Olmert. There is no doubt that the latest affair came down at him from Heavens, but was it indeed because of his declarations regarding peace with Syria? Or his merry talk regarding an agreement with Palestinian leader Abbas? Or his plot to destroy the settlements?

Not at all. It can’t be. After all, God knows well that Olmert did not even think of doing any of the above. That everything is, as they say, bullshit. An effort to buy time; survival tricks empty of any practical meaning.

Olmert punished for doing nothing

Therefore, this is what Olmert has been punished for – for fooling the people, both in Israel and in Palestine. For doing nothing and intending to do nothing. For talking too much while continuing to build in the settlements and confiscate land. Is it a wonder that God decided to target him?

And what about Ariel Sharon? There is no doubt: God targeted him too. But was it indeed because of the withdrawal from Gaza? Heaven forbid. The wise God certainly knew that disengagement was a sophisticated trick aimed at creating a synthetic “trauma”, disconnecting the West Bank from the Gaza Strip, and boosting Hamas, thereby proving there is “nobody to talk to and nothing to talk about.” Is it a wonder that God punished Sharon?

And Barak? Was he ousted because of his “generous” offers to Arafat? That’s silly. If even I knew, before he embarked on the talks in Camp David that Barak intends to cheat, God must have known it as well. Hence, Barak was punished for his deceit and cruelty and indifference.

And former Chief of Staff Halutz? God truly kicked him. But was it because of disengagement? Or because of IDF bombings in Gaza?

And suddenly, paganism looks much more attractive. Almost affable. If God is indeed so involved in Israeli politics, there is almost no escaping the conclusion that he’s rather leftist. And this, it appears, is the first positive development in a long time.