The Livni upgrade project

Foreign minister’s security credentials being inflated ahead of elections battle

This trick is taught at any CV-writing course. If you were a simple secretary, your resume should indicate that you were “in charge of internal and external correspondence.” If you were a laborer at the port, you should write that you were the “manager of a cargo team.”


And now, according to foreign media reports, we hear that Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni served in the Mossad for several years – “and we are not talking about an office position,” the foreign minister’s associates noted with secretive faces.


There we go, I muttered to myself – Tzipi Livni’s associates are now working on upgrading her military experience and inflating the tales regarding her work in the service of the country and defense establishment.


Two days later, we already heard Tzipi Livni adopting a tough tones against Iran and talking about what we may do to the Iranians if and when.


So right now we’re occupied with upgrading. Instead of saying “served in the Mossad for a short period of time,” we should say: “During her years in the secret service she worked on sensitive matters that are too fresh to be detailed, and it is doubtful whether we could ever talk about them.”


Will Tzipi change her name? 

As the elections will approach, the Iranians will start sustaining verbal blows from the foreign minister, and she will start wearing tough-looking sunglasses. I won’t be surprised if in the framework of the efforts to create a tougher image for her, she will be referred to as “Tzipora Livni” instead of just “Tzipi”, or perhaps even Tzipora Livni-Shpitzer, to emphasize the fact that she is also a wife and serious family woman.


Actually, perhaps she will change her name to Shaul. “Foreign Minister Shaul Livni said today…” – sounds better than Tzipi.


All of the above does not make Livni any less or more qualified for the post of prime minister. We had experienced yet failed prime ministers, and ones that had less experience but failed less. If Olmert can do it, so can Livni, even though she is not suspected of anything at this time. To be a non-suspect today is certainly a great plus: It’s even better than threats against Iran, more convincing than secret adventures in the Mossad, and even makes a better impression than all the security-related chatter around Foreign Minister Livni these days.


So now we shall all be quiet, the upgrade project is underway. The Foreign minister’s curriculum vitae is undergoing extensive renovations at this time, including the addition of a balcony, and the digging of deeper foundations. Please do not disturb.


פרסום ראשון: 06.06.08, 11:15
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