Dear head of the Nobel Prize Committee,
I am turning to you with an unusual request. After much thinking and great deliberations, I have reached the conclusion – with all due modesty – that I too deserve to join the ranks of Nobel Prize laureates.
Unlike US President Barack Obama, who won the prestigious Nobel Peace Prize, I would like to warmly recommend myself for the Nobel Prize in Literature.
I believe the facts speak for themselves: For the past few years, I have been crafting, in my head, an incredible novel coupled with some plot lines as well; I believe this novel will position me alongside literary giants such as Dostoyevsky.
This novel may deeply affect the enlightened world’s cultural perception. In my mind’s eye I see how youngsters eagerly and passionately reading it, while the elderly zealously debate it at local cultural centers.
Indeed, dear sir, you and your colleagues at the committee have the power to expose this literary cocoon to the world, encourage its immense potential, and all this through a simple gesture and reasonable sum of money.
And as we are already dealing with potential, I was amazed when this year too you refrained from turning to my highly talented neighbor, Miriam, whose homemade remedies improve the health state of all residents in our building. Had she only been granted the Nobel Prize for Medicine, proper funding, and the accompanying publicity, she would have certainly gone on to improve the lives of everyone around here: Muslims, Christians, and Jews alike.
President Obama certainly deserves prizes in many areas: He deserves to win the rhetoric prize for this decade, he deserves the prize for the best election campaign ever seen since the invention of democracy, and he is even worthy of a prize for original thinking in a world overcome by diplomatic stalemate.
It appears that only one area moved further away from him given the past year’s realities – the area of peace. In Iraq (where Obama started withdrawing forces) we saw more than 100 victims of peace killed this past week in a murderous terror attack. In Afghanistan, the war is merely escalating, despite unrealistic withdrawal dates. Meanwhile, on the Iranian front, Obama’s diplomatic tactics are pushing the entire Middle East to the brink of war.
So if officials in Sweden and Norway are truly interested in peace, perhaps they would do well to grant the prize to someone who is in fact willing to embark on war – that way, at least there will be no doubt that the bloody “era of potential” will be ending sometimes.