The dishonest zealots

Op-ed: Assaf Wohl slams secular, religious zealots who go to great lengths to twist the truth

Assaf Wohl|Published: 11.15.10 , 00:18

During an intellectual debate that took place in Jerusalem recently, Hebrew University Professor Alon Harel sought to surprise the enthused audience with a personal confession. “The Bible, my ass,” he declared, and even added: “I’m proud of it.”

I wish to stop this fascinating tale about professors, settlers, and rear-ends for a moment, and turn my attention to the subject of this commotion: The Bible.

This past Saturday I was exposed to a great scoop, learning for the first time that Jacob kissed Rachel in their first meeting. I then recalled that only a week ago, some rabbis forbade handshakes between men and women. I therefore thought that I’m holding a different version of the Bible than the one read by the rabbis. Yet the passage about Jacob kissing Rachel appeared in all the tens of thousands of Bible versions I reviewed.

However, examining the words of various commentators revealed that this kissed was apparently not really a kiss, mostly because Rachel wasn’t really Rachel. That is, she was Rachel, but a young one, as one prominent commentator wrote: “Rachel was young, so we should not fear for her.” Other commentators claimed that Jacob kissed Rachel’s hand (is that permitted?) Meanwhile, another wise man told me that Jacob viewed Rachel as a Torah scroll, and this is why he kissed her.

To be honest, I was convinced. A minor who works as a shepherd, wearing a Torah scroll and submitting to kisses on her hand must have been a commonplace sight in the Bronze Age. In any case, it’s much more logical than a kiss between an unmarried man and woman, heaven forbid. And why am I referring to this issue? Because just like we have commentators on the outrageous kisses, in our generation too we have similar commentators on other issues.

And here I return to my earlier story. I reviewed various online forums for reactions to Prof. Harel’s literary statement. “We’re dealing with a conditioned curse,” one respondent wrote. “If, because of the Bible, we are allowed to replace Palestinian residents of the land, then indeed ‘The Bible, my ass.’”

Elsewhere, a blogger praised the professor’s honesty, while many others said that his words were taken out of context and were subjected to a spin. Again, I was convinced.

Indeed, I was convinced that people would twist the truth so it fits their agenda. Yet a kiss is a kiss, an ass is an ass, and people who seek to quarrel are just that, regardless of whether they are religious or secular.

On a final Biblical note, just like Yoav invited Avner to a dual outside the city limits of Givon, leftist and rightist zealots today should go ahead and quarrel outside the city limits of sanity. And as my mother would tell me and my brothers: “As far as I’m concerned, you can kill each other – just make sure to clean up after yourselves.”