Everyone talks about the "Arab Spring," yet nobody mentions the "Israeli Spring" – an exciting period where democracy’s horrific regime is finally drawing to an end around here, following a popular uprising at the Knesset cafeteria.
If a few months ago it appeared that the Arab world is moving closer to Israel’s democratic model, now it turns out that Israel is the one quickly approaching the Saudi model. Finally, we joined the "Spring of Nations" - and so what if we are referring to the Belorussian, Afghani and North Korean peoples.
The celebrations marking farewell to democracy are being held at a satisfactory pace thus far, yet we must not rest on our laurels; we can still upgrade some recent laws, so they take us a few steps further up the slippery slope.
The so-called "Hearing Law" for example; what’s more logical than that? Each candidate for the role Supreme Court judge will have to be approved by Knesset members (even though most of them would not even be hired as soccer referees.) Yet despite the law’s fine qualities, it misses the fact that the idea is not only to disqualify candidates who do not share Knesset Member Michael Ben-Ari’s views, but also to humiliate them publically.
Hence, we should not settle for a mere hearing consisting of questions and answers – a format that may, heaven forbid, deteriorate into actual discussion – but rather, adopt the much more appropriate format of Reality TV auditions. Supreme Court candidates would be asked to prepare a song, dance, or cook their favor dish, which they shall present to members of the Knesset panel. The panel would then rule who goes home and who shall continue with us to the next High Court of Justice case.
Nobel Prize hearingBesides, why should only Supreme Court candidates enjoy all this fun? They are not the only figures appointed to senior posts around here with no parliamentary supervision whatsoever. Others deserve it too. For example, the Israelis serving in the senior post of "Nobel Prize laureates," which up until now were awarded the prize without getting an approval from Knesset Member David Rotem. Well, the party’s over now. Professor Dan Shechtman wishes to represent us at the Nobel ceremony? He must first appear before the Knesset’s molecular chemistry committee.
Then there’s the so-called "Funding Law," whose logic is obvious. We must not allow foreign governments to intervene in Israel’s domestic affairs via donations – an area reserved for American Jews with casinos in Macau. And we must not stop here, because even though organizations such as Physicians for Human Rights are the devil – combining the two elements Israel’s government abuses more than anything else: Doctors and human rights –not only leftist NGOs enjoy foreign government funding.
As it turns out, for example, there are thousands of bodies in Israel known as "Holocaust survivors" who enjoy monthly support on behalf of Germany’s government. This constitutes blatant intervention in Israel’s domestic affairs that must be stopped at once. And it doesn’t end there. Another body that enjoys particularly generous support on behalf of a foreign government (the United States) is a secret organization known as "the State of Israel."
As everyone agrees that the abovementioned financial support enables the Americans to affect Israel’s domestic affairs, we must clearly put an end to this aid and shut down the State of Israel immediately.