Will burning tires stop disengagement?
Photo: AP
Charley would like a nice tire like this, but they're reserved for protesters
'This wheel's on fire'
Writer can't buy tires because they're saved for disengagement protesters
My car is getting pretty old. I know a statement like that is pretty commonplace in this country, but that is a fact. The only reason I even notice that my car is getting pretty old is because the annual inspection is coming up and it’s the only time I ever pay attention to my car.
I happen to notice that the tread on my tires had really worn thin, so I supposed it was time to buy new tires. Like any self-respecting Israeli, I went to my local tire store and informed the salesman I wanted the cheapest tires possible that would also keep me on the road.
He brought me over to a section of cheap tires and I must say I was impressed by the selection. However, I noticed a pile of tires nearby that he hadn’t bothered to show me and they certainly didn’t look like Goodyear Radials. I asked to see those tires.
“You can’t have those tires,” he said.
I asked him what he meant, I can’t have those tires.
The tires are spoken for
“Exactly what I said. You can’t have those tires.”
I told him my credit card was as good as anybody else’s and I wanted to see those tires.
“Those are already spoken for.”
“But there’s a ton of tires there,” I pointed out.
After much prodding, he finally broke down and told me the truth. “They’re for the settlers,” he confessed.
Burning politics
I was confused. Had the settlers stumbled upon a good deal on a bunch of cars sans tires? Was the Gaza Strip having a run on tree swings? Why would they need so many tires?
“To burn on the highway so there won’t be a disengagement,” he said proudly.
Now, I’m into voodoo as much as the next guy, but wouldn’t a doll with pins work better and cause less air pollution?
“No, you dope! They burn the tires, stop traffic, paralyze the country, and people won’t want the disengagement anymore.”
“So…while I’m sitting in traffic unable to get to my destination because a bunch of tires are burning, I’m going to be thinking to myself ‘You know, maybe the disengagement is really a bad idea’?
He looked like the point had finally sunk into my thick skull. “Exactly!”
I walked out of the tire store not buying any tires and thoroughly confused. However, I will tell you one thing. If in the near future you see a guy on the Tel Aviv-Jerusalem highway with a fire extinguisher, throwing free tires into the back of his car....
Wave to me.
Charley Warady is a standup comedian living in Israel who hosts with his wife, Carol, a weekly podcast about life and politics in Israel on his blog, Israelisms.
