Uri Orbach
Photo: Tomer Barzide
Olmert and the goat
Never before have we seen politicians so overjoyed about grave war report
It is no coincidence that the most overused Jewish joke in the world talks about the Jew who complained to his rabbi about his overly crowded home. The rabbi advised him to bring a goat into his house. When the man came to the rabbi again two weeks later to complain about the over-crowded conditions, the rabbi instructed him to remove the goat, and suddenly the Jew and his family felt great relief.
Oh, the Jew and the goat, the goat and the Jew. After all, it is such a Jewish trait to be overjoyed when the sword against your throat is removed. When you realize that it could have been worse.
You relax and go back to your good old regular troubles. You know how to deal with those ones splendidly well. More than the goat safeguarded the Jews, it was the Jews who safeguarded the goat.
Someone charged that Ehud Olmert’s decision to embark on the final 60-hour operation of the war stemmed from political considerations. This is a grave charge. Olmert was justifiably insulted by this charge. He was so badly insulted that he clung to the charge like a Jew clings to the goat.
Olmert embraced the goat, and with the facial expression of a martyr said: “Look what they charged me with! What terrible libel!”
Olmert is well familiar with the people he’s leading. He knew that he will be cleared of this charge. And now that the goat has been removed, and the report, thank God, cleared him of the suspicion of such terrible malice, he can truly rejoice. He is innocent! All we’re left with are the good old regular charges, the ones we got used to.
Olmert’s close associate Haim Ramon proceeded to declare that his master deserves an apology, and all the other close associates, and their own associates, “sighed with relief.”
Sighs of relief shocking
Indeed, the goat has been removed, and we were left with minor issues: A failed prime minister who doesn’t know how to manage an army or a war. A prime minister who fails to seriously examine the various alternatives, who fails to properly consult, who is unfamiliar with the material, who is unprepared, and who fails to grasp the implications of his decisions.
There are so many bad words about the prime minister in both the interim and final Winograd report that it is simply shocking to see the sighs of relief among Olmert and his cronies. Never before have we seen politicians so overjoyed over such a grave report, just because one of the clauses notes that a decision was reasonable.
They were able to remove the goat. “We got out of it,” Olmert said when he called former Defense Minister Amir Peretz following the report’s release. Yes, dear citizens, Olmert is not evil, he’s merely negligent. Bravo, Jews, let’s dance on tables. Let’s uncork the champagne bottles while chanting “we should study the report well.” Let’s start singing. Because the world “failure” only appears in the report 190 times and the word “flaws” appears in it only 213 times. Indeed, it is quite unclear why the commission did not recommend that Olmert be awarded a citation.
