The Alexander method
Bar Mitzvah party for Kobi Alexander's son in Namibia proves Israelis worship criminals
As I choked on my sandwich over the newspaper reporting on the great Bar Mitzvah celebration for Kobi Alexander's son in Namibia – a party which drew the best of Israel's rich and famous – I could not help but remember the last time I choked on my sandwich over a similar news report: Ofer Glazer's big celebration before he went to prison.
What can I say, one must appreciate the enthusiasm and sincere happiness with which Israel's wealthy citizens celebrate the dark, unfortunate and shameful days of their friends who have just been declared criminals. Where the reasonable person would take one step backwards – at least until the suspicions are refuted or until the sentence is fully served – Israel's wealthy make sure to impart extra, publicized and impassioned admiration on those who engaged in corruption and did not fulfill the dream of coming out innocent.
In a reasonable, normative world, in my world and your world, one would expect people to naturally distance themselves from a person like Alexander, who has been on the top the FBI's most wanted list for some time now, charged with money laundering and demanded by the US government to pay back $138 million.
But hey, as far as the rye bread and jeep society is concerned, Alexander is not only of their own flesh and blood, but much more: He is the person who made it big time. Made it huge. Made it being a manipulator. Made it innocent even if he is extradited. He is living in exile in Namibia, but let's not let that to get in our way. Let's show him that we admire the way he allegedly succeeded in increasing the value of his options illegally, smuggling $57 million which the Americas are still looking for into Israel, and organizing a Bar Mitzvah party for his child attended by dozens of local African models, rapper Subliminal's shadow, the unavoidable singer Einat Sarouf and PR officer Ran Rahav's tourist carrying vehicle bringing along the other immediate suspects of friendly slapping based on the value of one's credit.
Our pride and joy
They all flocked to Namibia in order to worship his resourcefulness, wealth and success in evading the need to deal with the accusations, and did it, as usual, on the front pages of the daily newspapers, because there is no celebration without a show, and for people to watch and learn: Israel's criminals, particularly the rich ones, are an object of desire and coverage. They – the classical Israeli model which managed to build, with its own hands, an alibi and a wall of defense comprised of tiles made of banknotes – are our pride and joy.
And when the Israeli jaw opens wide in amazement in the face of the way Zeev Rosenstein and Yaakov Alperon turn into local culture heroes, one should notice the not-so-lined line connecting between the Rosenstein celebrations and the Alexander swarm in Namibia. All of them – regardless of the color of their collar – have made it big time, have emerged both with the money and with the PR officer.
Israel stands on its right to celebrate them and their criminality, and wake up the next morning with a strange taste in its mouth. Now clap your hands.
