Three years ago, Hanna Guzman decided to write to a guy whose Facebook picture she liked. Her message read: “Hey. Just checking to see if hitting on strangers on Facebook really works.” Did it work for her? Well, considering they got married a month ago, we can safely conclude: Yes, it works.
“It wasn’t the first time I hit on a guy on Facebook,” says 29-year-old Guzman, customer retention manager from Yehud, who’s now married to 32-year-old Asaf Rihami, a control engineer. I 'hit on' my previous boyfriend almost the same way. I consider myself assertive. My rule of thumb is: Whatever you do, if you want something to happen, you have to make it happen. You mustn’t wait for things to happen on their own.”
7 View gallery
Dana Taub and Shaun Yaffe, Hanna Guzman and Asaf Rihami, Shani and Guy Rottenberg
(Photo: Abigail Uzi, Courtesy, LUZ)
Aren’t you afraid of being disappointed? Of your ego being bruised?
“No. I’d made the first move writing to other guys on Facebook before, and it hadn’t worked so much, but that didn’t make me feel bad about myself even for a moment. I understood that it wasn’t meant to be and just carried on.”
How did you come across Asaf?
"I was studying at the Technion - Israel Institute of Technology. I’d had enough of dating apps. I’d deleted my Tinder account. One day, I was making a silly video for my roommate’s birthday and I needed to insert a sample Tinder profile, so I reinstalled the app.
"I stayed in the app for a little while, just to see if there was anything interesting there. I saw a guy who was my type. His profile said he was also studying at the Technion. Most importantly though, it said he was 1.94m (6’4”) and I’m 1.82 (6’), which means it’s always been hard to find a suitable partner," she adds.
"I immediately liked his profile, but there wasn’t a match between our profiles. I thought it must be a fake account: I’d been at the Technion for three and a half years, and it seemed unlikely that I hadn’t seen him around. I deleted the app and carried on with my life.”
"A week later, there was a concert at the Technion. During the show, I suddenly saw him right in front of me! Our eyes met, but we both just carried on. A few days passed, and I hadn’t stopped thinking about it, I told myself I had to find him. I had tools: I knew his first name and where he studied. I went into a Facebook group called ‘Students at the Technion,’ and went through all the guys called Asaf until I found his profile. I then wrote him a message.“
How did he respond?
“He carried on with the jokey style I started my message with. ‘So, I’m actually a social experiment?’ he said. Later in the conversation, he asked me ‘How did I get to be the victim?’ I told him that my research focuses on males over 1.82m. He asked me how I knew I was taller than that. I told him it was an ‘educated guess.’ I now realize that by then that he realized I’d seen him on Tinder.”
How did it carry on from there?
“We went on our first date two days later. He’d just finished his BA and had moved to Yehud and would only come into the Technion twice a week. That’s why I’d never seen him. Although I was living in Haifa, we managed to have quite a stable relationship. When I graduated, I moved to Yehud to live with him and we got married a month ago."
Asaf’s side:
“After Hanna wrote to me on Facebook, I realized it was the girl I’d seen at the concert. I was interested in her, but I had no way of finding her. I’m obviously very glad she found me.”
Dana Taub and Shaun Yaffe - Together for three years got married last April
Dana Tauba, 32, a hospital nurse, and Shaun Yaffe ,31, a clinical psychologist, got married last April. Dana is very clear that she hit on him on Facebook.
“Three years ago, I joined a Facebook group called ‘Girl to Girl’. There was a thread calling for girls in the group to present a male friend or relative interested in meeting a girl. It quickly reached 700 comments with guys’ pictures and details.
"I noticed one guy in particular. Apart from the fact I thought he looked great, the girl who published his picture said he was called Shaun, that he was a friend of hers, that he was a psychology Master's student and that he’s very pleasant company.
"So, as well as being good-looking, he seemed like a smart guy. As I didn’t know the girl who’d put up his details, I thought I’d just write to him directly. I just looked for his Facebook profile and messaged him.”
What did you write?
“At first, I just wrote ‘Hi.' He answered about two hours later, writing ‘How are you?’ So, I explained that I’d found him through a girls’ Facebook group and that it’s ‘a bit embarrassing, but I’m giving it a try anyway.’ He instantly replied ‘Actually, it’s rather flattering.' We then just carried on chatting on Facebook.“
Didn’t you think of friending him first? To see if he’d make the next move?
“Absolutely not. That seems rather pointless. Also, he wasn’t the only guy I was hitting up on Facebook. I’d seen guys I liked on ‘People You May Know’ and I’d written things like ‘Hey. How are you? I saw your picture and I like what I saw. If you’re single, I’d like to get to know you.’
"Some replied, saying that they were in relationships. Some didn’t respond at all. None of that put me off writing to Shaun. I just kept thinking that I had nothing to lose. If nothing happens, I didn’t have it anyway.
"I’d always felt that the if a guy I approach on Facebook isn’t interested just because I made the first move, then it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I can’t be with someone for whom me being a strong woman makes him feel weak. That’s always been a kind of screening process for me.“
Where did it go from there with Shaun?
“Our first date was in a bar, and it just went on from there. We had another two dates and then COVID hit, so we’d meet at his apartment. We both feel that the pandemic accelerated our relationship, as it did away with all the other surrounding temptations."
What’s your conclusion?
“It doesn’t matter if it’s Facebook, dating apps or in real life – if you see someone you like, don’t hesitate, make the first move. If a guy can’t take it, and he feels threatened – he’s definitely not worth it.”
Shaun’s side:
“Yes, Dana did approach me on Facebook, but I kind of invited it when I agreed for my picture to go up on the girls' group. I had no problem with girls contacting me, making the first move. It makes some men feel a bit bad about themselves, but it’s never bothered me. It makes no difference if you are a guy or girl. We can all say 'no' to one person and 'yes' to another.”
Shani and Guy Rottenberg - Married for ten years with two children
Shani (Gershman) Rottenberg ,44, a psychotherapist from Tel Aviv, and Guy Rottenberg ,46, a lawyer have been married for ten years and are parents to an eight-year-old girl and six-year-old boy. They’re also indebted to Mark Zukerberg. Shani made the first move.
“It was 2010,” Shani tells us. “I was 32. I’d had a few relationships that hadn’t worked out and I felt I wanted to meet someone, fall in love and start a family. I told everyone I knew that I’d be glad to hear if they had anyone good for me to meet."
"One day, a friend from work thought she’d fix me up with her ex-boyfriend. As I wasn’t on Facebook at the time, we went into her account so she could show me the guy. He really wasn’t my type, but when she went into his profile, among his friends, there was a guy who caught my eye.
"I said to her ‘Why don’t you fix me up with him?’ She explained that this was her ex’s brother and she didn’t know if he was single. I said ‘Never mind. Instead of wondering about it, let’s just send him a message.'”
So, you messaged him?
“Yes, but I sort of wrote through her. I wrote something like, ‘Hi Guy. As I’m not on Facebook, I’m writing from Shani’s friend’s page. I thought maybe you guys could meet up. I know you’re studying for the bar exam and you don’t have a lot of spare time, but maybe you have time spare for romance?’”
Weren’t you afraid of rejection?
“Some guys are still locked to the idea that they need to make the first move. So, even if the most successful, beautiful woman makes the first move, it’s just not going to happen: he won’t even know you exist. You’ve nothing to lose."
How did Guy react to your message?
"It took him a while actually. I was beginning to think he wasn’t interested. He only got back to me a few days later. He was studying hard, but was happy to meet me. On our first date, Guy came to pick me up on his motorbike. He messaged me saying, ‘Your carriage awaits you.' The moment I saw him, I knew it was right. We got married two years to the day after our first date.
What’s your conclusion?
“If you come across someone and you like what you see, go for it. Even if he says no, you won’t be hurt in any way.”
Guy's side:
“I was very flattered that Shani approached me. It did only good things for my ego. I remember my first instinct being: ‘Why is this beautiful girl writing to me? What’s the catch?’”