They were raised in an insular community that prides itself on family values and modesty, yet suffered the most horrifying form of abuse that destroyed their faith in society and humanity. Now, survivors of sexual abuse within New York’s Jewish Orthodox community issue a public call to their fellow victims to go public with the truth and spare others a lifetime of devastation and agony.
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Dozens of men and women from the Orthodox Jewish community laced up their running shoes and joined #RunforAmudim’s 9 teams which ran alongside 20,000 runners from 50 states and 80 countries in last week’s Miami Marathon.
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Rachel with the entire team worth it, including other survivors of abuse, at the pasta pizza party the night before the race
Rachel Daar Cohen is a special education teacher and author who is passionate about using her life experiences to bring positive change in the Jewish Orthodox community. Through poetry, essays, articles and blog posts, she works to shine light on difficult topics and help others feel less alone.
When she was six years old, Rachel was sexually abused regularly by an adult in her life who shattered the bubble of her innocence. During those moments of abuse, she realized that her survival was contingent on detaching entirely from her emotions.
“The more abuse I endured, the less connected I became to my thoughts and feelings. Months of abuse contradicted everything I had learned up until that point- that the world was, for the most part, a sunny, safe place. I began feeling bewildered and lost; nothing made sense. While my friends were together playing ‘house’ and ‘school’, I was scribbling the words ‘I feel blue’ and crying myself to sleep. The effort it took to keep my unfathomable secret hidden began to take a toll on my body, Rachel said.
"Each time I looked in the mirror I could swear I was slowly disintegrating from the fear and shame that were weighing me down. I desperately wanted to confide in someone, to let them know that I was falling apart. But I couldn’t. I was terrified that no one would love me anymore, that they would think I was evil. So I continued to be the ‘good girl’ everyone expected me to be, never considering the fact that doing so would destroy me,” she said.
The trauma persisted, a monster rearing its ugly head throughout her life until close to two decades later when Rachel finally found the inner strength to reach out for help. She contacted Amudim, a confidential resource center within the Orthodox Jewish community that combats crisis by raising public awareness, implementing community-wide educational programs, and providing meaningful assistance, support, and direct referrals to individuals, families, and communities impacted by sexual and substance abuse and mental illness.
“Amudim saved my life,” Rachel expresses gratefully. “For most of my life, I thought I had to endure this burden alone. Healing began when I realized I didn’t have to... Amudim was there for me.”
Freida*, 30, shares her story on condition of anonymity. We meet her in Brooklyn, NY, not far from where she grew up in the heart of a flourishing Hassidic community. “My mother was my abuser, and my childhood memories are haunted with violent visions of sexual abuse by my mother. I started abusing my own body at the age of 8, unaware of what I was doing but enjoying the feeling of power that it lent me. I grew addicted to that feeling and it’s something I still struggle with today," she said.
“I married young, and as hard as I tried to forget, my body remembered. Being with my husband inevitably evoked flashbacks and trauma, which led us to divorce and sent me on a new journey in life. I acknowledged that I’d endured serious trauma, and that I needed help. A friend referred me to Amudim which has been supporting me throughout the long and arduous journey of therapy,” Freida added.
In an effort to raise awareness of sexual abuse within the Orthodox community, Rachel and Freida both joined Run for Amudim, participating in last week’s Miami Marathon’s. #RunforAmudim is part of the association’s national effort to heighten awareness of abuse, addiction, eating disorders and neurodiversity within the Jewish Orthodox community.
Daar Cohen, who credits Amudim for getting her the lifesaving treatment she needed and providing her with continuous support throughout her rehabilitation process, shares that this was her second time running the marathon for Amudim. “The first time I reached the finish line was one of the most liberating moments in my life,” she says. “I pushed myself farther than ever before and attained something I’d never been able to do. With that, I felt the shackles of my pain and trauma finally released.”
The concept of #RunforAmudim began several years ago when Amudim founder and CEO Rabbi Zvi Gluck received a call from a young woman named Dini who introduced herself as a sister of Malky, a former Amudim client who had struggled with addiction and eventually succumbed to her illness. Seeking to create an everlasting legacy for the sister she loved, Dini proposed to form a team to run the Miami Marathon and raise money for people struggling with addiction, and she reached out to Amudim for help creating the program.
“Many people in the recovery community were eager to join as runners; and while the idea had begun as a way for them to give back to a community that had helped them recover, the runners found a great deal of healing as well,” says Tzippy Landau, Amudim’s graphic designer who volunteered to run the program after her own dad succumbed to addiction.
Freida, who ran alongside Daar Cohen, says that although she has left the Hassidic values that her mother imbued in her behind, she has chosen to find her own path within the Jewish community and is still deeply grateful to Amudim for their enduring, empowering support.
“Every call was answered immediately. The team at Amudim never let me down. I’m no longer Ultra-Orthodox, but it made no difference to them. They supported me all the way; they advocated for me and did everything they could to carry me through recovery. I’ve come a long way, and now I’m in a place where I can see healing and hope. As a token of my appreciation, I joined #RunforAmudim and raised enough money from family and friends to start a survivor of abuse on a journey toward healing. I really think that what Amudim is doing is vital. No one should have to suffer like I did,” Freida said.
Amudim’s group was joined by dozens of men and women, including some who are currently in therapy and others who are, thankfully, in a much better place now. “Some ran the full marathon, some ran half, some walked it and some got on the bus for part of it, but we all celebrated with each other,” added Freida.
“This year, we had a total of nine teams running for Amudim, each with runners who are heroes who want to give back to the community,” says Gluck. “We’re so proud and grateful to all our runners who joined us in this year’s Marathon. Their efforts go a long way in helping those who feel pursued by challenges of abuse and addiction every single day, who are running tirelessly just to survive. They’re making a huge difference, helping victims of sexual abuse and other abuses slow down, catch their breath, and discover hope and healing.”