If Mali and Liel Yahalomi had decided to begin new lives in the United States, one particularly uncomfortable moment might have been avoided: video footage showing the moment police found them.
In the U.S., an adult generally has the right to leave voluntarily. If police locate an adult who has been reported missing and determine that the person is safe, left of their own free will and is not wanted in connection with a crime, officers generally cannot simply disclose that person’s whereabouts to relatives.
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Experts on disappearing disagree over whether it is safe to tell even one trusted person
(Photo: shutterstock)
Mali and Liel Yahalomi located in Argentina
(Video: Israel Police)
If the two women had told American police, “We are here voluntarily, we are healthy and we do not want anyone to know where we are,” authorities could confirm to worried relatives that they had been found safe while withholding their location. The public could receive a similar announcement so that calls and reports would stop, and, in most circumstances, that would be the end of the matter. Completely disappearing today, however, is extremely difficult, even in a country as large as the United States.
There is no precise official figure for how many Americans deliberately disappear each year, in part because voluntary departures are mixed into the much broader category of missing-person reports. Roughly 600,000 missing-person reports are filed annually in the U.S. The overwhelming majority are resolved, with people located or returning home themselves within days or weeks.
Many involve teenagers who run away or adults who temporarily cut contact with relatives. Women escaping abusive partners also account for some voluntary disappearances. Only a small proportion of cases are formally classified as abductions or involuntary disappearances, while only several thousand people remain listed as missing for more than a year.
Disappearing takes work
There was once a time when a person could leave a large East Coast city, move to a small Midwestern town and begin again with relatively little difficulty. Today, digital records, financial systems, smartphones, social media and an enormous network of surveillance and security cameras make that far harder.
There is also a crucial distinction between legally choosing to cut ties and attempting to disappear in order to evade debts, criminal proceedings or law enforcement. A person who is wanted by authorities does not gain a legal right to evade them simply by deciding to start over.
(Photo: AFP)
For those who are not breaking the law, a small industry has nevertheless developed around privacy, voluntary disappearance and the practical and emotional demands of leaving an old life behind. Experts disagree even on one of the most basic questions: whether someone planning to cut contact should tell one trusted person.
One argument in favor is that otherwise relatives may report the person missing, triggering a major search. But telling someone also means another person knows that the disappearance was deliberate.
Another important question is whom the person is trying to avoid. Family members have far fewer resources than governments. If someone is genuinely being sought by U.S. authorities, simply cutting personal ties is unlikely to make them unreachable.
Some specialists also emphasize the emotional side of voluntary disappearance: beginning again can require abandoning belongings, routines and connections that tie a person to their previous life.
Creating an entirely new life
“It requires a great deal of preparation,” says Jason Hanson, a former CIA officer who runs a popular YouTube channel dealing with personal security, privacy and survival. “You can’t wake up one morning and decide to disappear just because you watched a movie the night before where someone vanished within a few minutes.”
Modern life creates extensive digital traces, from social-media accounts and financial activity to phones and online services. Anyone who genuinely wants to withdraw from their old social circle must therefore understand just how much personal information is generated by ordinary daily life.
The psychological change may be just as significant. Starting over means entering a place where existing friends, acquaintances and routines no longer provide a familiar social identity. It may also mean changing habits, hobbies, appearance and the way a person presents themselves to people they meet.
The romantic Hollywood image of disappearing into a tiny town can also work against someone seeking anonymity: a newcomer may attract far more attention in a small community than in a large city where strangers arrive every day. Ultimately, voluntarily cutting all ties requires powerful reasons. It means closing a door without necessarily knowing whether it can ever be reopened.
Important: Delete all social media accounts
(Photo: shutterstock)
Frank Ahearn, who has worked with people seeking greater privacy and wrote the book How to Disappear, argues that the reality bears little resemblance to movie fantasies. “You’re not simply faking your death, buying some fake documents in an alley and then retiring to a life of leisure on some small island nation,” he writes.
Disappearing legally without creating an even bigger problem than the one a person is trying to escape requires careful planning, he says. “You have to be prepared to cut contact with everyone you know, to change everything you are,” Ahearn writes.
“Disappearing means being prepared and strong enough. Otherwise, you will waste a lot of time and money trying to disappear, only to fail.”