A lot of people think that love is a feeling, but in Judaism, love is about giving, according to matchmaker Aleeza Ben Shalom.
The Jewish relationship coach, made famous by Netflix, spoke to ILTV News in honor of Tu B’Av, the Jewish holiday of love. She explained that the root of the Hebrew word for love, ahava, means “to give.”
“That is literally the formula for love,” Ben Shalom said. “The more that I give, the more that I develop love, and the more that I feel connected to you.”
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She noted that while receiving from others can feel good, “your love won't develop for the other person unless you're also a giver.”
This, she explained, is why love at first sight is not really a Jewish concept—and why she doesn’t believe in it.
“You can have lust at first sight,” Ben Shalom quipped. “You can have ‘I want to connect with you’ at first sight. But love takes time. You have to give, and that doesn't just happen from a glance.”
According to Ben Shalom, love grows through consistent actions over time. How long does it take? A lifetime. She likened it to fine wine that gets better as the years pass.
“There’s a very big difference between ‘I met you a month ago and I love you’ and ‘We’ve been married for 50 years,’” Ben Shalom said.
Watch the full interview:
Podcast Aleez 09.08.2025
