Masha Halevi, 52, is a couples therapist and outspoken advocate for relationship freedom. A married mother of three based in Shoham, she lectures on the history of sexuality in Western culture. Her talk, titled “Sexuality Under Control,” explores how religious and cultural norms have shaped, suppressed and policed sexual behavior.
“It’s a talk that explores how Western culture has controlled human sexuality—especially female sexuality—for centuries," she says. "I examine the influence of both Judaism and Christianity. These religions have instilled shame, guilt, duty and fear into the subject of sexuality, and their impact is still felt today.”
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A 15th-century illustration of a clergy-led committee inspecting what happens in a couple’s bedroom
Can you give historical examples?
“Women who were seen as sexual were labeled witches and burned at the stake. Women had to be virgins before marriage, and the punishment for adultery was death. Men were also subject to this control—they were limited to the missionary position, and oral or anal sex was forbidden. Violators were harshly punished.
“A man was obligated to sleep with his wife, and the only way a woman could divorce him was to tell the judge he wasn’t satisfying her sexually—then 15 men would come into their bedroom to test whether he could get an erection. Even masturbation was banned—devices with spikes were invented to cause pain at night if a man had an involuntary erection.”
How is this relevant today?
“There are two tracks. On one side, you still have religious conservatism pushing arranged marriages, banning sex before marriage, declaring masturbation a sin punishable by excommunication and prohibiting same-sex relations. On the other hand, there's control through body image and hypersexualization in advertising. If you're not ‘sexy enough’ or don’t look a certain way, you’re seen as deficient.
"At the same time, there’s censorship on social media and AI platforms—algorithms block content about healthy sexuality, even innocent things like a soft illustration of a couple hugging.”
What are other examples of this kind of control?
“In the U.S., there’s a trend called ‘Purity Prom.’ It’s a father-daughter dance where girls wear white dresses and vow to stay virgins until marriage, while the father pledges to ‘protect’ her virginity.
“And in more conservative places, there tends to be less knowledge about contraception, leading to more teenage pregnancies. In Alabama, you can only buy a vibrator with a doctor’s note, and in Texas, you’re only allowed to own six sex toys.
"To this day, several U.S. states still have laws on the books banning oral and anal sex, even though such laws have not been enforced since 2003.
"In Israel, a woman who cheats can face legal sanctions, like losing her right to receive her ketubah payment, while a man who cheats faces no such consequences.
Masha Halevi Photo: Michal Benedek"Our culture still tells us there’s one right way to live: a sexually active man is a ‘real man,’ but a sexually active woman is ‘easy.’ Sex is seen as something for men to enjoy and women to provide.
"Women are expected to be both sexy and modest at the same time. Men are suppressed in a different way; they’re expected to always want sex, and if they don’t, something must be wrong with them, or they must be gay.
"In school sex ed, we teach only about the dangers—pregnancy, disease, contraception—but not about pleasure or intimacy. So kids get their information from porn, which is deeply problematic. There’s also sexual repression when it comes to relationships.”
What do you mean by that?
“Western culture tells us that once you’re married, you’re not supposed to be attracted to or fall in love with anyone else. Sometimes it gets extreme, you’re not even ‘allowed’ to fantasize or sit at a café with someone of the opposite sex.
"Your sexuality is expected to be directed at only one person—your spouse. That might sound logical, but people naturally feel attraction to others, and that doesn’t disappear just because you got married. Society insists on monogamy, and those who don’t follow it often live in hiding.
"Some people suppress their desires, others cheat. Of course, monogamy works for some, but those it doesn’t fit are pushed into it by fear of shame.”
Can people break free from this control?
“I don’t think you can completely break free. Every society ultimately sets its own rules. In every culture, some sexual norms are meant to protect us, and others are there to suppress us.”
Sex tip: “The more at peace a person is with their sexuality, the harder they are to control.”