“At acting school, I had an image of a guy who’s always bringing girls home. I started thinking maybe they’re right and tried to fit that mould,” says Tamir Golan, 35, of Tel Aviv. “One day, I woke up and started throwing up uncontrollably, and I felt disgusted with myself. I immediately deleted Tinder. I realized I didn’t need to fulfill other people’s fantasies.
“Today I’m loyal to myself. I’m a relationship man. I don’t drink or go out, I don’t bring alcohol into my home and I don’t go to places where there are drugs. I enjoy life to the fullest. I wake up every morning thanking God.”
Golan is a content creator and lecturer who loves cooking and hosting. He describes himself as a morning person who enjoys reading, writing, prayer and meditation, as well as sports and family time.
“As a child, I thought I was the ugliest kid in the world. Kids laughed at me and called me ‘Dumbo.’ I was extremely shy and emotionally withdrawn. I used violence to survive, and found comfort in food and drugs. At 24, after I hit rock bottom, my grandmother fought for me and I decided to give life one final try. At that moment, God entered the picture and it helped. I chose life.”
In the past, he says, he was naïve and insecure, with very low self-esteem. “The first time I approached a girl at the beach, she turned towardme, I stammered, turned back and left. I was embarrassed because I thought, ‘Who would agree to go out with me?’”
After moving to Tel Aviv and enrolling in acting school, the feedback changed. “People told me I was good-looking and women wanted to come over. Everyone thought I was some kind of a playboy, but I wasn’t. On the contrary, I was a romantic type. Friends would laugh and call me ‘Romeo.’ Today I’m grounded. I know my worth, I value and accept myself, and I have strong faith.”
Do you share with women that you have a history of drug use?
“Yes. Women are very understanding. Several years ago, I felt deeply ashamed of it. On a fourth date, I told a woman about my journey. I was sure she’d break up with me, but she kissed me instead. I see it as a gift. I’m not interested in drugs or nightlife.
“I’m continually working on self-improvement and dedicating myself to helping others. At home, I do everything: laundry, cleaning, cooking. Even if I’m tired, I’ll get up and help my partner. A relationship requires effort and investment, but your partner is not meant to fulfill everything within you. If you tend to your own garden, the butterfly will come on its own without you needing to chase it; If it flies away, you’ll still be left with a beautiful garden.”
That’s a good insight. How did you arrive at it?
"Six years ago, I canceled a wedding and was completely shattered. She was everything to me: my confidante, my psychologist, my friend and my lover. I was young and didn’t understand relationships. I made many mistakes and acted from emotion more than reason. After we set a wedding date, we had a childish argument and separated.
"I tried to win her back. For a year I didn’t date anyone and cried every day. After a year we got back together, and then we broke up again. In that moment, all the 'Disney fairy tales' shattered. I felt like I’d been fooled.”
You recently separated from a well-known social media influencer. Is the breakup harder when the relationship is public?
“It’s more complicated when it’s public. People keep prying, asking questions like who broke up with whom, so it’s annoying. On the other hand, I receive a lot of love and support. A month after the breakup, I decided to speak about it online for the first time. I only talk about myself, my pain and my feelings.
“I decided not to get pulled into the lows that used to define me, and instead to stay active and keep moving forward. It’s part of the therapy. It’s part of the therapy, because when you’re sitting around doing nothing, a sense of emptiness and loneliness sets in, and that’s OK too.
"I cry, I write and I bring faith into it. I practice acceptance and thank God. We ended things on good terms and I’m here for her if she needs anything, although in my view there’s no point in staying in touch unnecessarily, because it only reopens the wound.”
Have you met any other women since?
“I haven’t really made time for it, but my family is like a Tinder app; they constantly send me profiles of women. As far as they’re concerned, I should already have given them a grandchild. I’ve also received quite a few messages online, from women and from mothers. I prefer meeting in the street, at the beach or at the supermarket, like the old days, but Instagram is fine too.
"Usually, the woman I want doesn’t want me, and vice versa. In general, I’m looking for a simple, easygoing woman who doesn’t complicate things or make life harder, someone supportive with a sense of humor. It’s important to me that she observe Jewish tradition. I’m not expecting her to keep Shabbat fully, but that we make kiddush together and keep a kosher home. And of course, she should be capable of compromise and acceptance.”
What’s your biggest flaw?
“I take things too personally and struggle with time management.”
What is love to you?
“Accepting the other person’s flaws without trying to change them, and expressing love through actions rather than words.”
Do you believe in love at first sight?
“Yes. I used to fall in love instantly, but today, less so.”
What have you learned about yourself in relationships?
“I’ve learned that there are two people in a relationship, not just me, so sometimes you do things even when you don’t feel like it. I also understood there’s no point in blaming, that it’s important to stay honest and to work on accepting my own flaws.”
So what is the most important thing in a relationship, in your view?
“Acceptance and compromise.”
What offends you?
“A lack of support and cynicism.”
How do you imagine the ideal relationship?
“Each person lives their own life while supporting the other. Make a compromise, share common values, work on personal growth and give more than what’s required, with plenty of humor, simplicity and consistency.”
Any deal breakers?
“Drugs and heavy partying, lack of support and fundamentally different worldviews.”
Smoking?
“Yes.”
What age range are you looking for?
“26 to 35.”
Would you consider a divorcée, with or without children?
"A divorcée without children.”
What’s the worst date you’ve ever had?
“I went out with someone who spent the entire date on her phone, focused on her followers and taking photos. She wasn’t communicative and only talked about looking for a wealthy man.”
Describe your perfect date.
“Disconnecting from the phone, sitting on the grass with a blanket and coffee, cooking a meal together and doing something outside the box.”
Should a man pay on the first date?
“Yes. I once went out with someone famous. I didn’t have much money and the date cost me 1,600 shekels. It was a slap in the face and made me realize you don’t need flashy gestures to truly get to know someone.”
What do you do in your free time?
“I’m working on a new show and a cookbook, cooking and hosting, reading, writing and praying, working out, meditating and helping others.”
What is your favorite place and why?
“Home, the sea and the stage.”
What makes you laugh?
“Stand-up comedy and natural honesty.”
When was the last time you cried?
“Two days ago, when I moved to a new apartment and felt grateful to God for where I am, and also when my mother is proud and happy for me.”
How close are you to your family?
“As close as I can.”
What were you in a previous life?
“I don’t believe in that.”
The last series you binge-watched?
“Moveland.”
What music do you listen to?
“I love everything.”
Tell us something no one knows about you.
“I’m addicted to pizza.”
How would your friends describe you?
“Someone who loves to host, a man of principles, funny and someone who’s come a long way.”
What do you do on Friday nights?
“I host people and cook for them.”
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
“With a home, a family and a progressing career. I prefer not to predict. I’ll take the right actions and be happy wherever God leads me.”
So where can someone approach you?
“Best is face-to-face, but also on social media.”