“No one has ever approached me through social media. Maybe my feed isn’t inviting because I don’t like taking selfies, I mostly post about writing and politics,” says 34-year-old Linor Gauman of Ramat Gan.
“I’m against dating apps in principle. I think they diminish a woman’s value. It feels like a supermarket, with guys messaging dozens of women and sometimes sending degrading or objectifying messages. I’m very sensitive, and it’s just not for me. People always say, ‘A woman like you will end up with a rich guy.’ But those outside perceptions have nothing to do with my reality."
Originally from Haifa, Gauman moved to central Israel to pursue her musical career. She’s a singer and a vocal coach who also works with at-risk children. In her free time, she enjoys yoga and Pilates, ballet dancing and going to concerts or bars. She’s looking for a family-oriented man she can learn from, and admits she’s never been in love.
“I’ve definitely been a late bloomer when it comes to relationships. There might have been attraction, but I’ve never actually been in love,” she says. “I’ve always felt that once I meet the right man and we have fun together, the desire for marriage and kids will come naturally.
"Unfortunately, I haven’t met that person yet. I’ve never had a serious relationship that lasted more than four months. Most of my past relationships didn’t work because we didn’t share common interests or have engaging conversations, and I get bored very easily. I’m a curious person who loves to grow and develop, and I want to learn from my partner about life and about myself. Maybe if I had a more conventional profession, finding a relationship would have been easier.”
How do men respond to you being a singer?
“The reactions are usually less than enthusiastic, and some definitely see it as a dealbreaker. Some have said, ‘That’s not a real job’ or ‘You must barely make any money.’ But I don’t mind, it’s actually a kind of filter that shows a person’s values, whether they judge based on income or profession.
"It makes it clear there won’t be a second date. Men can be very jealous. They think I live a nightlife lifestyle, but I only perform occasionally. It’s really important to me to find a man who accepts that. Plenty of people have nightlife careers and have happy families.
“To be honest, I’m a bit old-fashioned. I want to meet a man who is a family man, someone willing to make sacrifices for his wife and kids. The whole idea of family feels like it’s fading today because of the rise of progressive forces trying to undermine it.
"I don’t like labeling myself as religious or traditional, but it is important to me that my partner believes in God; it means he holds himself accountable and doesn’t just do whatever he wants because he can.”
What else is important to you in a partner?
“I’m not picky, but he has to be confident, someone who doesn’t sit there nervous or anxious on a date. I want a man who can laugh at himself but still has his head on straight, someone intelligent and wise. I don’t care what he does for a living or whether he has an academic degree, but he needs to be passionate about what he does, live a full life and not wake up every morning miserable or frustrated. I’m very drawn to charisma.
“He should be well-groomed, because attraction is essential, but personality is far more important. I’m very cautious and don’t let just anyone get close to me. I need to understand a person’s core. You can marry a man, live with him for ten years, sleep next to him every night and still not know who he really is because he’s playing a role.
"Despite my reservations, I do give people a chance and try to stay open-minded. I go out and meet people, but I’m not constantly dating; I do it more selectively.”
How do you meet men?
“Usually people introduce me to them. I don’t rule anyone out right away; I’ll give it two or three dates before making a decision. And most importantly, I’m not intense about it. I don’t want a date to feel like a Shin Bet interrogation or a job interview.
"I want it to be light and fun, because if it’s not enjoyable, what’s the point? I go out to have a good time, and if I meet someone along the way, even better. I feel comfortable ordering cake or food, and I never expect him to pay. I don’t want to feel dependent on a man."
And if he doesn’t pay?
“It’s a bit of a turnoff, but it’s not necessarily a dealbreaker. Everyone has their own standards. Even if we split the bill, whether there’s a second date depends more on the vibe and the chemistry.
"I used to match the guy, if he ordered just tea, I’d do the same. Now I do what feels right for me. At the end of the date, I always offer to pay and leave it up to him. Most men do end up paying, and if they don’t, that’s okay too. But I do wonder, if he doesn’t even want to make a good impression on the first date, maybe he’s not really interested in courting or in me."
What’s your biggest flaw?
“Razor-sharp mind and tongue. I’m very incisive and often know what people are thinking without them saying a word."
What does love mean to you?
“Unconditional Love. Like the saying, ‘Doctor, my wife’s foot is hurting us.'"
Do you believe in love at first sight?
“I believe in attraction at first sight. Love is a process."
When was the last time your heart was broken?
“My heart has never been broken over a man, but it has been by family or close friends."
What have you learned about yourself from relationships?
“That I love to give, and if you give me a little, I’ll give back a hundred times more. But if you make me feel unimportant, you instantly become a stranger to me."
What’s the most important thing in a relationship?
“Friendship."
What offends you?
“When people insult my intelligence or try to manipulate me emotionally."
Describe your ideal partner.
“He’s intelligent, mentally stimulating and a gentleman. We can look each other in the eye and know what the other is thinking."
Do you have any dealbreakers?
“A man who’s too attached to his mother. I dated a guy who would call his mom every time we had a disagreement."
What about a guy who smokes?
“Probably not."
What age range are you looking for?
36 to 49, but I’m flexible."
Would you date someone divorced, with or without kids?
“Yes."
What was your worst date ever?
“At the end of the date, the guy started explaining why you should never tip waiters. I paid the bill and went home."
Describe your perfect date.
“One where the guy takes initiative to choose the place, and there’s fun and laughter, not a job interview atmosphere."
Should a man pay on the first date?
“In a tango, the man leads, so let him decide. But overall, I think whoever initiated the date should pay."
What do you do in your free time?
“I love to work out, dance contemporary ballet, watch movies and theater, read and sometimes just sit by the sea and watch the waves."
What’s your favorite place and why?
“Nature. I love landscapes, forests and going fruit-picking.”
What makes you laugh?
“Trump, Eretz Nehederet (an Israeli political satire TV show) and people with self-deprecating humor."
When was the last time you cried, and why?
“I always cry when I hear the stories of the hostages and the horrors they went through."
How close are you to your family?
“Emotionally very close, I wish we were geographically closer too."
What were you in a past life?
“A dancer or an actress."
What’s the last series you binge-watched?
Israeli TV series Loving Anna.
What kind of music do you listen to?
“Everything, classical, blues, rock, pop, world music. Music is happiness."
Tell me something no one knows about you.
“In high school, I took part in the Miss Haifa pageant and was invited to compete in the Miss Israel pageant, but foolishly, I turned it down."
How would your friends describe you?
“Smart, creative, curious, funny and justice-seeking."
What do you usually do on Friday nights?
“I’m usually home or walking to visit friends."
Where would you be 10 years from now?
“Performing in big concerts, with my husband and kids cheering me on, or even joining me on stage."
So, can you be approached?
“Instagram, Facebook, or just come up and invite me for a drink."