It is easy for us to feel love toward our children, no matter how many we have, toward our parents, friends, or acquaintances, without ever questioning the depth or legitimacy of those emotions. Yet when it comes to romantic love, a persistent question arises: Is it even possible to love more than one person at the same time?
Liat Kiro, a certified couples and sex therapist, argues that it is not only possible, but in some cases entirely natural. According to Kiro, there is no inherent limit to our ability to love, although she stresses that the practical realization of multiple romantic relationships is not suitable for most people.
“Biblical stories and historical accounts teach us that having multiple loves was once widely accepted,” Kiro explains. “King Solomon was famously known for his 1,000 wives. Nearly every king in ancient history, whether in Europe or in the East, maintained a large harem. Roman and ancient Greek cultures also permitted and normalized the keeping of multiple concubines. Even today, there are cultures and societies that continue to support multiple relationships, often for reasons unrelated to emotion, the most common being polygamy.”
By contrast, modern Western society has been shaped by values that promote monogamy as the default model. “Disney and Hollywood offered a single romantic ideal,” Kiro says. “A man and a woman living happily ever after. Even when a threat appeared, it was always removed, reinforcing the image of a perfect couple. We are taught to search for ‘the one,’ but the truth is that romantic love is not necessarily confined to a single person.”
She points to cultural references that openly acknowledge this complexity, including Israeli singer Hanan Yovel’s song ‘Tzarot Tovot,’ which describes loving two women at the same time. “There are people who are capable of containing and giving romantic love to more than one partner,” Kiro says. “But they are not the majority.”
According to a survey conducted in 2020, 32 percent of Americans said they view open relationships as an ideal model for partnership. “Those who are capable of loving more than one romantic partner simultaneously are, in my view, a kind of elite group,” Kiro adds. “Not everyone is able to do this, or wants to.”
People who live in multi-partner relationships often describe a different type of emotional bond with each partner, she says, with various needs fulfilled across relationships rather than relying on a single person to meet them all. Brain researcher Dr. Helen Fisher argues that love consists of three components: desire, romance, and attachment. “These elements exist in different regions of the brain and cannot always be fulfilled by one person alone,” Kiro explains.
She offers a common example: when one partner decides later in life that they no longer wish to engage in sexual relations. “That decision directly affects the other partner and the relationship as a whole. In some cases, couples mutually agree to open the relationship, emotionally as well as physically, to allow all needs to be met in a way that works for everyone.”
Kiro distinguishes between polyamory and open relationships. “Polyamory involves maintaining multiple relationships simultaneously with emotional and romantic involvement, based on transparency and mutual consent. Open relationships, on the other hand, usually allow for external sexual connections, often temporary and without emotional involvement.”
At times, however, romantic feelings can arise unexpectedly. “Yes, people who are already in committed relationships can suddenly feel attraction toward someone else, such as a colleague at work,” Kiro says. “It is important to distinguish between love and infatuation. Love provides stability and security and is built on trust, support, and reciprocity. Infatuation, by contrast, is a chemical process in the brain. It is usually temporary and floods us with hormones such as oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins, which can impair judgment.”
When infatuation occurs within a monogamous relationship, Kiro warns, it often leads to confusion, guilt, and doubt. “Many people feel they are betraying their partner’s trust, while others suppress or hide their feelings until they fade. We live in a culture that discourages uninhibited instinctive behavior, which creates an internal conflict when intense feelings emerge, even unintentionally.”
So what should someone do if they suddenly develop feelings for another person?
“First of all, understand that this is normal and natural,” Kiro advises. “It does not define you as unfaithful. Pause and examine what has changed. What is missing in my relationship? Is there an unmet need in my life? Do I want to change the structure of my partnership? At the same time, hold on to what is good in the existing relationship and look at the situation honestly.”
She cautions that unmet needs are not always resolved by a partner. “To avoid prolonged frustration, alternatives must sometimes be created. That alternative is not infidelity, divorce, or opening the relationship, but often reigniting passion through a couples process.”
Many people, she notes, seek excitement within a draining routine. “Some find it in extreme sports. Others find it in the attention or interest of a new coworker. Excitement can feel good, but boundaries are essential. If the relationship was not defined in advance as open or polyamorous, excitement can easily turn into action, with consequences we did not intend.”
Should these feelings be shared with a partner?
“This is the most difficult question,” Kiro admits. “In most cases, I recommend waiting until the situation is fully understood. Sometimes it resolves itself, making disclosure unnecessary, especially when dealing with jealous partners or those who have experienced betrayal in the past. I recommend sharing only when both partners have clarity about their place in the relationship, their unmet needs, and a concrete plan for improvement.”
For those considering multiple relationships, Kiro offers a clear warning. “Prepare for jealousy, from yourselves and from others. You will need to manage time and emotional resources carefully. Relationships require ongoing maintenance. Expectations must be aligned, and emotional investment is essential for each relationship to succeed without conflict.”
She also urges realism about social pressure. “Despite growing openness toward multiple relationships, there will still be resistance rooted in limiting beliefs, values, or religious views.”
In conclusion, Kiro returns to a simple principle. “There is no limit to our ability to love. The form that love takes depends on the person and the relationship. As long as it is consensual and does not harm anyone, choose love. Love is free. Focus on quality, not quantity.”